Thoughts, Nonsense, Neurosis, Boom

Monday, December 26, 2005

the aftermath

YAY, christmas is over. not that i don't like christmas, i love it, i act like a kid around the holidays. but this year, after moving myself and helping my parents move, then unpacking and trying to make this place feel like home, i didn't have so much energy. and now i'm relieved for things to get back to normal.

i spent christmas at my parents' house, got a few nifty things. like a lamp, good smelly candles, some manicure whatnot, bath beads, a badass kermit the frog antenna thingy, yada ya. it's ok, i get davey's toys to play with. like a remote controlled car, game boy, DVDs, etc. for when i get over the excitement of getting a LAMP. haha.

i meant to go up there christmas eve with davey, stay the night, open gifts, eat dinner and drive back home. but near dinnertime, i checked outside and...i was fogged in. couldn't see two feet in front of me. now, i'm a bad driver under normal conditions. i like driving, i'm just crazy behind the wheel. but throw some dark and wicked fog into the mix and, man, that would just be disaster. so i stayed another damn night. i've had enough family time to last me AWHILE.

Monday, December 19, 2005

the jenny is alive

well, i'm all moved and uh....not even half unpacked. SHEESH, i have too much stuff. my packrat ways are finally biting me in the ass. i dunno why i felt the need to keep every article of clothing i've ever owned, davey's too. but still, it slays being back in my own place and not being cramped into a tiny room in my parents' house anymore. even though my entire living room is crowded with boxes of things i don't need and i've yet to find a job here.

another thing that's been driving me insane was the lack of internet. i officially moved in last tuesday and only today got (gag) AOL running. i mean, i hate AOL, but at least it's something, it's my mom's account so it's free. free's always a good thing. now i don't feel AS isolated in this strange new town.

i had a dream last night about a place i just drove by for the first time today, how wicked is that. even though it was sort of a nightmare, i still took it as a sign that i belong here.

and another cool thing about this town. there is a street named Gay. when i drive davey to school, he says "mommy, this street is gay" and dammit, i can NOT keep a straight face.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

moving

sometime before christmas (geez, that's so soon) i will be moving into an apartment. or townhouse. or something very cheap. finally. already. confusion. this move to virginia that took place...a year and a half ago, it completely disoriented me. hopefully someday i will become at least somewhat oriented again, starting with this move.

and moving OUT OF TOWN actually. at first, i planned to stay in town and keep davey in the same school, until i looked around at the prices of apartments and townhomes here and about choked on my pop tart. way too expensive for a broke-ass poor single mom. so i started looking south...and more south, and more, until i decided to move an hour south of here. to the place, funny enough, i was born. i've never lived there, i was just born there in the hospital. i have family there. this is a good thing? i dunno, i'll have to see, haha.

it's cheap, though, what can i say.

so if it seems that there is a serious lack of blogging on my part, i am packing. or moving. there's not a lot that can tear me away from my laptop, but these things are inevitable. so people, just deal with it, you will not have (as much) UTTER BRILLIANCE to read from me for awhile (hah).

Sunday, November 27, 2005

i dreamt of death...

...and it happened. three of my family members died last night while i dreamt about it. i woke up and the three of them were floating on their sides at the top tank.

yes, my three black tetras offed themselves last night as i slept. maybe i should give fish more credit. was that dream i had their way of saying "so long, and thanks for all the fish...food"?? (excuse my dorky HHGTTG reference) they were all alive and kicking last night, when i fed them.

i held a hurried funeral for them in the bathroom, which consisted of saying, "whoops, sorry little dudes," before flushing them.



i figure i won't even tell davey they croaked, and when we move i'll just replace them. what i ended up telling him was that i let them go see their fishey families for the holidays.

i still have the algae eater (my pleco, which now resembles a small shark, right down to the creepy blank eyes). i believe he is immortal. he's lived to see a lot of the other fish die, and...i'm sure as long as i remain the lazy procrastinator that i am, he'll be around for the deaths of plenty more.

what i don't understand is this. how is it, that i can take care of something that requires constant attention, care, love, education, grooming, entertainment and such (i am, of course, speaking of davey), yet i can't seem to keep fish alive. or plants for the matter. i've killed cactus before, through sheer neglect. yet i have a perfectly happy, healthy five year old human. go figure.

i guess the fish should have learned to climb into my bed in the morning and scream, "MOMMY, I WANT BREAKFAST!"

Thursday, November 24, 2005

family

i went down to my cousin's for thanksgiving and spent the day with family. and all of the family's significant others. while everyone else was sitting and having a good ol' time with their husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend, i sat by myself in the living room for hours watching back to back episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond. davey ditched me, for the most part, to play video games. funk dat.

but the macaroni was good. to me, thanksgiving isn't about turkey. it's all about the macaroni, the baked kind with cheddar cheesey crust on the top, mmm yums. my momma slays da mac.

davey has givin me his cold, so right now, i'm not only really full of macaroni, i'm also full of squishiness that keeps wanting to leak out of my nose. oooh, yeah, that's sexy. blahs.

overeat and be happy



...and since it's thanksgiving, i've stuck Arlo Guthrie's 'Alice's Restaurant' in my radio.blog.
"Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the restaurant, but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray and Fasha the dog. And livin' in the bell tower like that, they got a lot of room downstairs where the pews used to be in. Havin' all that room, seein' as how they took out all the pews, they decided that they didn't have to take out their garbage for a long time..."

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

lots of dreams

it just doesn't feel natural remembering this many dreams from one night...

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

first dream (is very hazy and vague).i remember driving around chasing some type of weird little car. i dunno what was so weird about it, just that it was not a normal car at all, and that it was very important that i catch it. then i was parked out front of a deserted movie theater at dusk. then i was in an underground parking lot. i got out of my car and a bomb went off.

next dream. i was in the mall, in Hot Topic. i had told my mom i was going to the theater to see a movie but i went to the mall to look for umbrellas instead. Hot Topic had a ton of umbrellas in the back. for some reason, there was no roof at the front corner of the store and it was raining in, really pouring. all the emplyees were standing under the hole in the roof, smoking and getting totally drenched. i saw a Little Mermaid dayplanner that i wanted. i looked at some christmas display they had and saw a coca cola bear music box thing that i bought for my mom. it was $27.

next dream. i was at home, chatting online and digging around in my closet at the same time. i found my mancala board in the back of my closet and got all excited for some reason, so i went to lappy and told the daniel, "i found my keyboard," and he says, "i thought you already found that," so i say, "i mean, i found my recorder," and he's like, "i thought you already found that, too." so finally i get it right and say i found my mancala board. but i realize that it doubles as a recorder (i dunno how) and i start playing songs on it.

then somehow, online, i had ordered our cat, Sandy...as a kitten. (???) i mean, Sandy was still here, it's just that somehow i was able to buy her like she was when she was a kitten. i walked by with it and big Sandy hissed at kitten Sandy. then i went into the kitchen with my mom, and our old cat, C.C. was sitting in there on the table. i put the kitten in front of him and he started rubbing up against it and licking it, and he let the kitten climb up on his back and sit on his neck.

:: end of dream sequence ::

Saturday, November 19, 2005

a survey: random crappity about me

Time started: 8:13pm on 11/19/05

Full Name: Jennifer Raye ******

Single or Taken: single

Sex: female

Birthday: august 25, 1979

Siblings: 2 brothers: aaron and jamie

Eye color: dark brown

Shoe size: 10

Height: 5'7"

Weight: no fucking way i'm answering that

Innie or Outie: innie.

What are you wearing right now: big baggie black sweatpants, white adidas socks, and my green The Who t-shirt

Where do you live: Virginia

Righty or lefty: righty

Can you make a dollar in change right now: maybe in dimes

~Relationships~

Who is your closest friend: mandy will always be my best friend, but zen-master-diggity-dan-man is my closest friend right now.

Do you have a BF or GF?: nope

Did you send this to your crush?: i'm not sending it to anyone, i'm posting it in a blog

Best place to go for a date: home, in front of the TV with a wicked horror movie on DVD and popcorn (i know, i sound so lame but there aint nuthin better than that)

~Favorites~

Favorite kind of pants: jeans

Boys Name: David (of course) and uhhh...i really dunno, i think more about girls names

Girls Name: Lucy, Jane, Sophia, Lily

Animal: ferret, frog, chinchilla

Drink: coffee w/ sweetener and hazelnut creamer

Sport: sex

Month: october

Movie: Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Juice: i don't drink much juice

Breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, toast, coffee. oh, and sometimes waffles. and french toast.

Favorite cartoon character: the cheshire cat

~Have you ever~

Given anyone a bath: yes, my son

Smoked: cigarettes, cigars, cloves, weed

Bungee: no way

Made yourself throw-up: yes

Gone skinny dipping: yes

Eaten a dog: uhhh, a hot dog

Put your tongue on a frozen pole: no

Loved someone so much it made you cry?: none of y'alls beezwax

Broken a bone: no

Played truth or dare: ooooooh yeah ;)

Been in a physical fight: yes

Been in a police car: yes

Been on a plane: yes

Come close to dying: i almost got hit by an apple truck when i was 12, then i had complications during davey's childbirth, so there's a few i know of, but who knows how many brushes with death i've had that i wasn't even aware of.

been in a sauna: yes

been in a hot tub: yes

swam in the ocean: yes

Fallen asleep in school: yes

Ran away?: no

Broken someone's heart: yes

Cried when someone died: yes

Cried in school: yes

Fell off your chair: i've fallen off chairs, benches, the bed, the sidewalk, actually i've probably fallen off of anything and everything i've ever been on before ;)

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: no, not all night, maybe for an hour or so, though

Saved IM conversations: sometimes. i still have an IM conversation saved i had with mandy from about 6 or 7 years ago.

Saved e-mails: yes

Fallen for one of your best friends?: um, ok, i guess, but he's not a friend anymore and i hope he disappears from the face of the planet. that lying asshole.

Made out with JUST a friend?: yeah, lots of JUST friends.

Used someone: never

Been cheated on?: yup

~What is...~

Your good luck charm: uuuuh. :( y'know, as superstitious as i am, one would think i'd have a good luck charm. well, i don't.

Best song you ever heard: oh, geez, there is no "best." my favorite songs change daily, sometimes hourly. there's too much good and different stuff out there to pick just one. favorite song of the day, though? i'd have to say 'Now Is Mine' by K's Choice. and it's on my radio.blog right now (click HERE to listen).

What's your room like: small, cluttered and very nest-like. it is my comfort zone.

What is beside you: (looks to the right) coffee, printer, fish tank, dictionary, mouse, a care bear, my phone, and a lamp. (looks to the left) my casio keyboard, a notebook, an empty kleenex box, a small trash can, a bookcase full of books and my closet.

Last thing you ate: country fried chicken nuggets and pilaf flavored rice-a-roni.

What kind of shampoo do you use?: pantene

~Ever had~

Chicken pox: yes

Sore Throat: YES!!

Stitches: no, but i've have STAPLES, which, IMO, is worse.

Broken nose: no

~Do you~

Believe in love at first sight: i guess it could happen. i also believe in hate at first site, though.

Like picnics: it depends, on who is there and where it's at, i suppose. and what food there is.

Like school: i hated high school, liked community college, and now i want to go back.

~Questions~

Who was the last person that called you: some lady trying to offer me a job in maryland.

Who was the last person you slow danced with: it was probably a chick, at a dance club/karaoke bar.

Who makes you laugh the most?: my son

Who makes you smile?: my son, my mom, dani, dan man, mandy, and...that's about it. oh, wait, and conan o'brien.

~Last person~

You yelled at: davey

Who broke your heart: i don't let people do that.

Who told you they loved you: davey

whos your loudest friend?: UNCUH BOOBIE

~Do you~

Do you like filling these out: when i'm bored and have the time and i feel like answering (or refusing to answer) personal questions about myself.

Do you wear contacts or glasses: yes and yes, but not at the same time, of course, that would just be weird.

Do you like yourself: i normally do, but right now i'm not feeling very likable. i'm hoping i can be medicated into liking myself again, though ;)

Do you get along with your family: yes, in general. but my brother can STFU sometimes.

~Are You~

Obsessive? sometimes

Compulsive? sometimes

Anorexic? yes, but only on opposite day

Suicidal? no no no

~Final questions~

How many people are you sending this to: whoever feels like reading my blog

What are you listening to right now?: 'Memphis' by PJ Harvey

What did you do yesterday?: i sat home, on my laptop, like always

Hated someone in your family: if it's family, there is no HATE, that's just not right.

Gotten any awards: i got some sort of award at work years ago, it was on the wall next to the doors for a few months, then they took it down as if it NEVER EXISTED AND I NEVER SAW IT AGAIN, WHAAAAAA. ok, and then i got awards in elementary school for my writing, but who the hell didn't get those. i'm not very exceptional. *sigh*

What car do you wish to have: i like the one i have

Where do you want to get married?: if EVER i get married again (HA) i want to be married somewhere by an elvis impersonator, without the whole hullabaloo. but who says i'll ever get married again.

Good driver?: uuuuh, HAH, not really.

Good Singer: when whoever is listening is drunk. oh, yeah, and i have to be drunk, too.

Have a lava lamp: no, sadly

How many remote controls are in your house: more than ten. probably closer to 20. or more, i'm not going to go count.

Are you double jointed: only in two fingers

What do you dream about: everything. i mean that. everything.

Scary or happy movies: SCARY!!!

Chocolate or white: chocolate

Root or Dr. Pepper: ew to both

Skiing or Boarding: neither

Summer or winter: summer

Silver or Gold: silver

Sunset or Sunrise: sunset, or sunrise after staying up all night

Sprite or 7up: sprite

Orange juice or apple juice: both equally

Cats or dogs: cats, i suppose

Coffee or tea: coffee

Phone or in person: it really depends who i'm talking to. if it's a situation i'd rather not deal with, the phone. if it's someone i like or any friend, or anyone that i'd hug, definately in person.

Are you oldest, middle, youngest?: youngest

Indoor or outdoor: indoor, unless it's summer and there's water nearby, then outdoor. but i'm mostly an indoor creature.

Ending time: 10:30pm

dream: high school, benny hinn & ketchup

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

i dreamed i was in high school, but was the same age i am now, and i went door to door to do this fundraiser, but instead of selling wrapping paper and cookies and whatnot, i was selling cups of coffee i had made and my poetry. i was still living in WA, with my parents. i went down the hill to where our old landlord normally lived, and i went up to the door and Benny Hinn opened it. he bought some coffee and a poem and sat there and talked with me for awhile and funny enough, he never once talked about god or religion, he was just some nice normal guy, it was weird. when i got home i was upset because i was selling the coffee in my coffee mugs instead of styrofoam cups like i had planned to, and Benny Hinn had just taken my Nightmare Before Christmas mug.

then i was back in school and i was skipping every class and hanging out in the cafeteria, which for some reason looked like a Costco, but with no one shopping. there was a janitor setting up MP3 players and stereos on shelves. i followed him around talking to him, and he asked me why i was never in class, and i told him i didn't see the point of going to class when i had already graduated from high school seven years ago.

then i guess i was at home, my parents had just got home from shopping at Costco...i mean the high school (???) and my dad got all upset because they had picked up a huge two pack of ketchup when there was already some in the pantry. i was looking in the refrigerator and said i saw a bottle of ketchup in the back of the top shelf in there, also. but i grabbed it to show them, and apparently it was really old because the ketchup had turned white. everyone started gagging.

:: end of dream sequence ::

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

SuprGlu

for those of you that actually come to this blog on purpose...and, uh, aren't searching for something like "jenny mcarthey spit sex" or "alec balwin's oreos" (WTF, people, this is some creepy shit), i have made a SuprGlu page with all of the content from this blog, plus my poetry blog. so, if for some reason you don't like looking at the half nakies chick at the top of my blog (which, i think maybe is why anyone really looks at my writing in the first place, hah) or you don't like waiting around for the kajillion little pics and whatnot in my sidebars to load, go there. or just go there even if none of that crap pertains to you.


i think it's pretty neat-o mosquito. it's simple and not as entertaining to look at, but hey, you're getting two of my blogs in one, how can anyone complain about that?? anyone that has two or more blogs, i suggest trying SuprGlu out, so all those blogger-groupies that are stalking you don't have to overexert themselves clicking back and forth between your pages. it's totally free, and at the very least, it's something else to pass the time. at least a good three minutes.

(and thankies to the Daniel for the idea. i am such a copycat)

Monday, November 14, 2005

six things

one of my old friends left this little meme in my email, so i figured...why the fuck not:

SIX THINGS IN YOUR ROOM:
1. laptop
2. casio keyboard
3. fishtank
4. futon
5. TV
6. poster of Jim Morrisson

SIX THINGS YOU SAY MOST:
1. slay
2. YAY
3. rock
4. FUCK
5. BLAH
6. dammit

SIX THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT:
1. coffee
2. cigarettes (don't anyone point out how dumb that sounds)
3. computer
4. music
5. writing
6. daydreams

SIX OTHER THINGS:
1. Believe in God? i have no definite opinion either way. i believe there is a higher power, but whether this is "god" or nature or what, i can't say, because i dunno.
2. Had a dream come true? hm. no. not yet anyway.
3. Read the newspaper? yes.
4. Pray? no, i make wishes.
5. Have a job? the only job i have is being a mommy at the moment
6. Attend church? no.

SIX Have you evers:
1. Gone skinny dipping? YES, it's the best
2. Had surgery? yes, i had a human extracted from me five years ago
3. Swam in the dark? aw, yeeeah
4. Been to a Bonfire? yes, back in the day
5. Ran away from home? never. actually, i think my parents would celebrate if that happened now, hah.
6. Played strip poker? i don't play poker, but i've played strip monopoly, and i've always wondered what it would be like to play naked Twister

SIX THINGS IN THE LAST 24 HOURS:
Have you...
1. Cried? yes, whaa, i'm such a chick.
2. Sang? yups, in the shower and in the car
3. Been kissed? no, no, not for aWHILE
4. Felt stupid? that is an everyday occurance for me
5. Talked to an ex? NO
6. Missed someone? yes, and all of those people should know who they are

Saturday, November 12, 2005

about dreams

i like remembering my dreams. good or bad, i like to know what my mind is saying about me behind my back, so to speak. sometimes they give insight, sometimes i don't know what the fuck they're supposed to mean, if they mean anything. but dreams are such an unknown territory, and i like the unknown. for all the research done on dreaming, there is still so much that is a mystery.

i say i don't believe in anything, but when i think about it, that is so not true. i flirt with spirituality, it's in my nature. i like to think that sometimes my dreams show me things about myself, and about the world. that maybe i'm not steering my dreams at all, that maybe some of them are signs that i'm supposed to read and interpret, only i don't understand the language yet.

or maybe it's just my brain trying to make sense of randomly firing neurons. who the hell really knows. but see, i always tend to lean toward whatever answer is more...fun. so i say, my dreams have a purpose. go ahead, call me silly or superstitious, because i know i'm both.

anyway, what got me thinking about this. i was talking to my mom, telling her all about my dream from last night, and the whole time she was trying to stop me. "that's so morbid." sigh. yeah, she says that, yet she sits and watches the horror movies with me, watches all the ghosty and paranormal shows with me. WTF. she tells me she doesn't like to remember her dreams. any of them. this is something i can't comprehend.

well, anyway, here is my dream from last night.

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

it was night time, and i was in the town i grew up in, in northern virginia. i was trying to convince my two older brothers that i was dead but they wouldn't believe me. to prove it to them, i took them to our old church, a tiny methodist church with a small graveyard behind it. i showed them my grave and they finally believed that i was dead. we heard music coming from inside the church, even though it was past midnight, and took a peek inside. it was full of people singing hymns, and my parents were sitting in the front pew holding davey.

:: end of dream sequence ::


what is that supposed to mean? i dunno. :)

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

dreamage

i figured i'd post my lame-o dreams from last night for y'all to read before i go out begging for a job...

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

i was still in high school, and in some type of gang, with a bunch of girls i've known throughout life. we all thought we were pretty badass. we were at an assembly/play in the auditorium and took off in the middle of it to smoke in the bathroom.

next dream, i was at heather's house with davey, (only it wasn't really heather's house that i remember from real life), and they had a big pool. davey was begging to go swimming so i let him, but then i realized i had no swimsuit for myself. i ended up walking out there to swim in my skivvies (in the dream, i was much smaller than i am now). when i got out to the pool, it turned out she was having a pool party and everyone turned and stared when i walked out of the door.

:: end of dream sequence ::

Friday, November 04, 2005

asshole commenters...

so this massive fucking retard seems to have nothing better to do than to leave a kajillion comments on my poetry blog and not leave any contact information. how lame is that. some little bastard telling me, based on my poetry, that i am apparently a slut, whore, yada yada ya, and a bad mother.

first of all, what kind of lame ass coward does that. maybe stupid teenagers that have nothing better to do than amuse themselves by ripping on other people because they have to make themselves feel better. and if it's not a teenager, it's some socially retarded asshole that never grew up.

either way, it makes me just want to write more angsty poetry, really. because it's my blog, i don't give a shit. if people don't like it, THEY DON'T HAVE TO FUCKING READ IT. i write my poetry for myself, but it's kinda neat when people leave nice and/or constructive criticism in the comments.

but leaving insulting comments on every fucking post, that's just childish.

:: UPDATE ::
this is just really creepy. whoever this is, they're obsessively reading my blogs all the fucking time. i'm sure they'll read this, so WHAT THE SHIT IS SO FASCINATING ABOUT ME?? i mean, sure, i write this stuff with the expectation that random people will read it, and inevitably judge me. but holy shit...this is just beyond me.

and they think i'm the one that needs medication...

Thursday, November 03, 2005

easily amused...

here's what's going on. right at this minute...
  • i am typing. that is obvious. i was planning to write a very meaningful poem, but since when do i know how to do that. HAH.
  • my five year old son is singing a Rick James song. while learning to do The Hustle. in his underwear.
  • my brother is on his cell phone talking to what may quite possibly become my future sister-in-law. he just screamed, "HANKY SPANKY," in a micky mouse voice.
  • my mother seems to have disappeared. she does that sometimes, she's tiny. remind me to check under the sofa cushions.
  • my dad is in the basement mumbling to himself, something about quantum mechanics, or something very similar. there's a fine line between genius and insanity. my dad plays hopscotch over it.
  • the cat is trying to eat my shoes. i don't have the heart to tell her they're not real Converse.
  • the fish in the fish tank are busy hating me. i can tell by the way they ignore me when i go to feed them.

I AM THE MOST FASCINATING PERSON ALIVE!!!

i try to entertain people. all five people that read my blog. nyaaaa....


i totally stole that from zen-master-diggity-dan-man. feel free to go make your own nonsense at the Einstein Chalkboard Generator.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

ucla study

i got this in an email from my mom and thought it was fascinating:
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire. Further studies are expected.

Monday, October 31, 2005

happy halloween

ok. since it's HALLOWEEN (or All Hallow's Eve...or Samhain, or whatever you fuckers want to call it), i thought i'd talk about scary movies. i love 'em. so here are, in no particular order (since i can't seem to make up my mind which ones i like most), my favorite movies of the genre:

poltergeist. "they're heeeeere." this is the movie that started my fear of clowns. and dolls. and clown dolls. it was back when "built over an old indian burial ground," didn't sound so cliched. i love everything about the movie, and i'm sure i know it word for word. "the swimming pool, THE SWIMMING POOL!!"

the exorcist. this was the first horror movie i ever watched. i might have been five. as scary as it seemed then, it's twice as frightening to me now. the scene that makes me cringe every time is the first time Regan's head turns backwards. "Do you know what she did, your cunting daughter?" *shiver* creepy. i've got the newer version now, with the scenes that had been cut from the original. best cut scene: regan's upside-down crabwalk down the stairs. it is oh-so-spooky.

halloween. my favorite slasher series. um. except for the last few, those suck. and not the third one either, that has nothing to do with michael myers. the first two are classics. i'm not a huge slasher flick fan anymore, now that my movie tastes have (for the most part) matured, but these never get old. jamie lee curtis is the scream queen.

pet sematary. another movie i know word for word. "sometimes, dead is bettah." it's the best stephen king movie ever. Zelda gave me nightmares. and daymares. the death scene where Gage (the little boy) gets hit by a truck always makes me bawl like a retard, but i have to say, Gage is the cutest dead kid ever. "First I played with Jud and then mommy came and I played with mommy. We had an awful good time. Now I want to play with yoooooooou."

the ring. when i first saw this movie, i was alone in the dark. when the dead chick popped out of the dude's TV, it scared the beejeezus out of me. i had gotten a movie poster of it from my work and had stuck it up in my bedroom prior to watching it, just because it looked cool. it was just a well. after seeing the movie, i had to take it down because i couldn't sleep with it up. i was convinced that creepy little chick was going to hop on out of the poster when i was sleeping. any movie that can do that to me, it's worth watching.

white noise. immediately after seeing this movie in theaters, i went out and got myself a digital voice recorder to try to collect my own EVPs (electronic voice phenomena). never got any, but anyways, the movie still slays. plus michael keaton is beautiful. when his wife died in the movie, i just wanted to jump through the screen and hug him. on top of being a really creepy ghost story, it's also got a kinda sweet love story in it, too. it's just a really awesome, haunting movie.

the amityville horror. it's the classic haunted house flick. i love the original, because it's what i grew up watching. i love the newer remake because of the wicked effects (for example, there is a baby sitter's finger poking in a dead girl's brain-hole effect, who couldn't love that). i've seen mass amounts of documentaries on the "true" story behind it all and it is utterly fascinating. for more about the amityville horror, go to the Amityville Horror Official Website, or go to The Amityville Murders for more information about the DeFeo murders. once you see the truth behind this movie, it makes it all the creepier.

love object. this isn't exactly the scariest movie, but it is damn strange, and definitely worth watching. it's a horror movie about a socially inept man and his relationship with his jealous, anatomically accurate silicone sex doll. if that doesn't make you want to watch it...then you are lame.

signs. three things that slay in one movie. aliens, destiny/fate, and of course, joaquin phoenix. they don't show much of the aliens, which, IMO is awesome because they don't overdo it. there is a lot of illogical whatnot where the aliens are concerned, but it doesn't really matter to me (since i'm not a logical person, anyway) plus the aliens are not even the point of the movie. it's got all these odd coincidental occurrences all throughout the movie and they all have purpose. and if that's not enough, there's joaquin phoenix's scar. good times.

silence of the lambs. this movie has some of my favorite lines. "It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again. Yes, it will, Precious, won't it? It will get the hose!" buffalo bill slays. literally ;) the movie doesn't scare me near as much as it used to, since i've seen it a kajillion times. i watch it now to see buffalo bill dancing around with his whatnot tucked in (to the song ''Goodbye Horses'' by Q. Lazzarus, it took me forever to find the name of that song) pretending to be a woman.

the entity. based on a "true" story. a woman getting raped by a ghost. or demon, or whatever. at times, i think it's more funny than scary, but i've got a pretty twisted sense of humor. all i can say, is that the whole movie is worth watching just for the boob scene alone. there's supposed to be a remake of this one coming out next year, so i've heard, so i am hoping it is more graphic. *ahem* i mean better.

and, on a slightly different note, i thought my most favorite halloween show ever was worth mentioning. Garfield's Halloween Adventure. sure, i know it seems childish, but go fuck yourself, i love this show. more than any scary movie ever made, this gets me into the halloween spirit. and it's where i first heard one of my most favorite words to say: flibberdegibbet. i just realized it's a real word, BTW, stupid me thought it was nonsense all this time, but it's in the dictionary. it means, "a flighty person." i learn a new bit of useless trivia every day.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

jenny's instructions: round two

i bought a book of "instructions" by Yoko Ono over a year ago called Grapefruit, which then inspired me to write my own instructions, all of which i had personally tested myself.

well, i am inspired again...

stay in the shower until
a) your family forgets about you
b) you've sang an entire Beatles album
(make choice)

give the hitchhiker at the freeway entrance a smile and a big thumbs up everytime you pass him.
honk at him when he pretends he didn't see you.

while getting onto the city bus, instead of flashing your bus pass, flash a maxi pad. pretend you actually meant to do that, and scurry to the back of the bus with face in hands.

wear spiderman mask and stand out on the front porch midday.
when your mother pretends she doesn't know you, proceed to clog dance for passing cars.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

that jenny, she's so dreamy

if anyone was looking for an opportunity to peek into my subconscious, here's my dreams from last night...

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

first dream: chillin on the beach with Daniel...and one of the giant fruit guys from the Fruit of the Loom commercials. the sky looked all fake. we were all trying to think up something to dream about. i think i realized it was a dream, but i don't recall any more of it.

second dream : i was at this theatre. but instead of a play, there was supposedly celebrity gymnastics going on, and Paris Hilton was on the rings (the ones that are normally in men's gymnastics). the chick she was competing against apparently had a fight with her and dropped out of the competition, so they were looking for someone in the audience to stand in.

this lady and her little white dog volunteered. she resembled Camryn Manheim. she was wearing a white dress. she did an interpretive dance, slayed on the rings and won the competition. afterwards, i partied with the theater people. it was like i was old friends of theirs. we were sitting around and telling stories.

i was trying to play matchmaker with some of them and hooked up Cameron Diaz with some creepy stagehand. well, when everyone got drunk, the creepy stagehand started telling us how he killed all these people, like women and lots of children. when he described them, we all had these sort of flashbacks and could actually see him doing them.

he told us how he killed his dad when he was little and we all saw how he did it. he had this gun that looked like a toy, and he was in the car with his dad and little brother, and the babysitter. he and the sitter got out of the car at the post office, but he got back in and shot his dad in the head.

we were trying to act like we were still his buddies because we didn't want to be next, but as soon as he left, i followed him to this junkyard and beat the crap out of him with a shovel. the dude died and i tied him up in a trash bag.

a trash guy came by and i made small talk with him while i sneakily popped the bag with the dead dude in it (which for some reason was really lightweight) into the back of the trash man's truck.

:: end of dream sequence ::


i understand everything about this first dream except for the Fruit of the Loom dude. and i just watched Vanilla Sky last night (that movie slays, BTW), so that would account for the Cameron Diaz reference in the second dream.

but what the quack is up with the rest of it...

Saturday, October 22, 2005

uncomfortably numb

sometimes i feel like just a pile or flesh and fat and meat. especially lately, when i try to sit down and write. it's as if my soul has gone on vacation and left the rest of me sitting here in front of my laptop. i'm just an indifferent body waiting for my personality to come back. i mean, really. these are the first ten thoughts that pop into my head:
  1. my hands hurt
  2. i should get more coffee
  3. what time is it
  4. sigh
  5. my toes are cold
  6. i should really go get some more coffee
  7. blink
  8. blink
  9. blink
  10. ...the sounds of the city sifting through trees, settle like dust on the shoulders of the ooooold friends....

see what i mean. and that last one wasn't even my own thought, i had to borrow it from simon and garfunkel because i was at a loss.

Monday, October 17, 2005

i dream of lucy

i had the craziest dream last night...

::jenny's dream sequence ::

i was in an abandoned hospital in the middle of a shopping center parking lot in winchester. it was the middle of the night and no one was around. i was by myself, pregnant and in labor. i delivered my own baby. afterwards, my dad showed up, and was like, "well that's great, what's it's name." i was like, "hm," and turned the baby upside-down to see if it was a boy or a girl. "Lucy Jane." i got home and the neighbors were having some sort of wake in their front yard, there was a bunch of people dressed in black. i went inside the house and realized i didn't have any diapers for lucy. it was as if i didn't prepare at all for having a baby. so my brother and his girlfriend (who looked like his old girlfriend) went out to get diapers. i let davey hold his baby sister. he was so happy and carrying her all over the house. i don't know how i had the baby, it was like immaculate conception.

:: end of dream sequence ::


one would think that i would've woken up relieved. i was actually kind of sad. lucy slayed. it's like she had this whole unique personality in my dream. normally, if i dream of someone i've never met, it's like they are a flat character. but...i dunno why this was different, but it was cool.

and BTW, if davey had been born a girl, he would've been named 'Lucy Jane.'

Saturday, October 15, 2005

quiz: political crappity

thought i'd take this, for the fuck of it. but the stupid picture was too big so... yeah, whatever. figure it out.


Your position on the political spectrum...
Liberal - You belive that some things in society could definately stand to be improved, and you view social progress as the key. You admirably manage to hold that view without becoming rabid about it, which ironically shows you as having far more genuine tolorance for differing views than your Far-Left Liberal cousins.

Where do you fall on the liberal - conservative political spectrum? (United States)
brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

office store dreams

had some retarded/weird/mildy interesting dreams last night. i know everyone is just dying to hear about them, so without futher ado...(drumroll)...

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

was working at stupid office max, but it was sooooo much bigger, and there was some different asshole guy in charge that kept yelling at me. there were more people working there and 20 times the amount of customers that normally shop there.

flash forward a few days. the store changed managers and for some reason they moved most of the stuff out of the store and only carried a few things, like paper and pencils and pens and notebooks, etc, making the store about the size of my bedroom, with one register. everyone but me, some other dude and of course the new manager, was fired. we sat around all day contemplating whether we should move the store into the mall, since it was so small.

then i was in Staples, something to do with working at office max, i dunno, but i started complaining because in the middle of all the office supplies, there was one of those refridgerated food islands, like they keep the pre made sammiches in at the wal mart deli. i was yelling at them, because all they had in it was turkey. not sammiches, either. big whole turkeys. i was like, "not everybody likes turkey, y'know! you're descriminating against ham eaters!"

next dream. saw my old friend from high school in wal mart, she had gone completely bonkers, and apparently wal mart had valet parking, because i went to go get my car but i didn't know where it was parked and all the people doing the valet parking were having sex with each other in the parking lot.

:: end of dream sequence ::

random memory - sock monkeys

...or, That Time I Made a Human

July 15, 2000. the Hanford fires were put out by then, which was a relief, because on top of having to have my overnight bag for the hospital ready, just in case, i had the extra worry, for awhile at least, of possibly having to evacuate my home.

my contractions had been mild and far apart for four days. the journal that i had always kept nearby me for spur of the moment poetry, was now being used to record how long, how far between these discomforts were becoming. i had become a clock watching, heavy breathing, roly poly nervous wreck. hee hee hee wheeeeew. i still do my lamaz breathing when i need to calm myself down.

to speed up my contractions, my parents decided to take me on a bumpy car ride through the burned areas of town, just to see what damage had been done. i don't know if it was the rollercoaster roads or the smell of charred sagebrush that that made the munchkin in my womb decide, "hey, i think it's time to pop out," because as soon as we arrived home, it was time to hit the hospital.

my mother was my labor coach. she was the one that held my hand through my childbirth classes, helped me remember my breathing, reassured me that it wasn't so unnatural to push something that huge out of...well, yeah. i heard the story of my own birth about a kajillion times. "when i had you, we all called you the KY Kid, because you just flew out so faaaast." i had heard that story all my life, and when i finally found out what KY was, when i was in junior high, i was mortified.

in childbirth classes, they stressed the importance of a focal point, an object to stare intently at while going through contractions. i brought with me a sock monkey. because sock monkeys are badASS. of course, focal points only tend to work if you're actually looking at them. sock monkey got lost somewhere in the sheets of the FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE hospital bed with me, but i think just knowing my little socky friend was there with me made a difference.

"are you sure you're having contractions? this stupid machine doesn't even work!" instead of breathing with me, my mother was bitching about the hospital equipment. i sat panting in the...did i say this already...FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE hospital bed, on the verge of hyperventilating myself and passing out (well, if it weren't for the frequent and painful spasms in my midsection, ha). they had yet to decide if it was necessary for me to actually stay in the hospital, or go home and wait.

after it was decided that, yes, something was likely to pop out of me, and soon, i settled into my nightie and prepared for the worste pain of my life. my doula (or, my other labor coach) showed up and insisted i walk around. there's nothing worse than having to endure that kind of pain, other than waddling around in the hall in my nightie in that kind of pain. all the while trying to smile and be nice, because this wonderful strange lady just drove to the hospital in the middle of the night to help me. like hell i was going to say what was on my mind.

"you're being so quiet," she observed, as if it were expected of me to let loose a string of profanity between each hee-hee-hee-hoooo. it's funny that the one time i hold my tongue is the one time i'm expected to swear like a sailor. "Shit," i mumbled, halfheartedly. i mean, really. what fun is letting loose a good 'muthafuck' if it's expected?

after i laid back down for awhile, i realized i was not going to be wonder woman after all, and some serious drugs were in order. in fact...that sounds good now, hmm... anyways, what was i saying? oh! yes. drugs. i got me an epidural (which looks like this, eeks) and withstood some embarrassing checks by the midwife to see how far along i was.

what happened during the last check, it's somewhat hard to remember, it all went so fast. i heard, "there's the cord," and, "honey, you're going to have to have a cesarean," and, "drink this," all while a kajillion nurses rush in, lay me back, and start wheeling me down the hall. my mother freaking out, "what's happening, what's happening." it took all of 60 seconds.

i didn't realize at first that they were going to knock me out for this. this wasn't covered in childbirth class. it was skimmed over a little in the, "things sometimes go wrong" talk, but was not really discussed in depth. the man talking to me held a mask to my face and told me to count backwards. the last sound i heard was a huge crash and a hissing sound (which i was to learn later, was an oxygen tank falling down) before the blackness closed in and i was blissfully unaware of the madness surrounding me.

i woke up a few hours later. alone. confused. i didn't know whether i had a child or not. i mean...did it come out alive? i decided to assume the best and waited for the nurse to come by (or just anyone, considering my contacts were taken out and i couldn't see anything but shapes moving by me). "was it a boy or a girl?" i was told i had a boy. oh well, 'Lucy Jane' would have to be for the next one.

when i was awake enough and at least semi-coherent, someone popped my glasses on me, and i was wheeled down the hall. please say that's not mine screaming bloody murder. please say i didn't produce anything that loud. i entered the room to see my parents holding a perfect miniature human. letting loose an ear piercing shriek that would have made Jamie Lee Curtis jealous.

i reached down in the bed to see WTF that lump was in my blanket and found sock monkey. had he been there for the whole thing? had the doctors and nurses been in such a hurry to get this banshee out of me that they let my smiling monkey friend stay for the show? i know the answer is, 'probably not,' but i like to think it was, just because i'm silly and irrational.

and the point of this story is this.

sock monkeys are badASS.

Monday, October 10, 2005

deep thoughts...

if i were a bird, i think i'd make airplane noises with my mouth. just to confuse people.

davey's wicked pumpkin



screw the messy carving nonsense, from now on, it's mr. pumpkin head!

Saturday, October 08, 2005

near disaster

i had just watched one of the greatest movies earlier this evening (I Heart Huckabees), taken a refreshing shower, sang a little. i was in a great mood for a change. i plopped down at my computer, checked my email, popped open Google Talk and...my laptop started wigging out. it was like a nightmare. unreal. colors flashed and twitched. stripes. plaids. my lappy had gone mad.

i sat frozen for a good five minutes just watching it before i thought maybe i should try rebooting. nothing doing. i unplugged things, took out the battery, put the battery back in. i almost tried banging it against something but stopped myself. damn those violent impulses.

it cleared up for a few minutes after i turned it back on again. no lines, no flashing colors. it was tricking me, though. giving me a false sense of security before freaking out again. i was becoming convinced that my computer was possessed.

turns out, the screen is busted. i plugged a monitor up to it and all is good. lappy is not dead. yet. but now i've got even less space on this tiny desk, what with a mammoth monitor plopped in the middle of it. but i should be thankful that i still have a computer.

i can't complain. but sometimes i still do.

the ongoing drama of jenny's subconscious

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

new orleans had been rebuilt. but instead of a city, it was being advertised that it had been changed into a giant theme park. everyone wanted to go, but were having a hard time getting in. i saw people in lines on foot waiting to get into the airports and bus stations to get to new orleans. so i hopped in line. dani and rachel were there. apparently people just got in line and were told whether they were going to fly to new orleans or take a bus. the line was moving past my house (which was not really my house now, but it was in the dream). people were trying to break in through my windows, so i had to get out of line and run back to pry them away from the windows. i had some kind of alarm system i rigged, hooked up to my stereo. i got back in line to find out we were flying to new orleans.

i don't remember the plane trip. it was almost as if we were beamed there. the theme park was based on the hurricane devistation whatnot. the city didn't look entirely different, there was still wrecked and flooded houses and buildings, the only difference being that now people were laughing and swimming around in it and having fun.

i think i just drove home after that. i don't know how my car got there, and for some reason it took only about 20 minute to drive from there back to virginia. i stopped by some house to show some kid the proper way to throw a boomerang, which didn't really look like a boomerang, but was chicken shaped. but it worked as a boomerang. i threw it too hard and it went down their chiminey. then i took off real fast in my car.

:: end of dream sequence ::

Thursday, October 06, 2005

my inner power! muahahaha!

i dunno why i always do these quizzes. maybe it's because, even though they normally are so far off from accurately describing me...they make me sound really cool.

plus the pictures are so purdy...


Empathy- Your inner power is Empathy! This means that you have a talent for identifying others emotions, often by simply glancing at them. You are EXTREMELY shy and quiet. People sometimes don't notice you're around and seem surprised to find out you even exist in a big class. You're the often silent, goody two shoes, and few get passed the walls you've built up to stop yourself being hurt, as you no doubt have been in the past. Not everyone understands you, in fact some think that you're a snob or worse because you rarely participate in group activities. You're extremely sensitive, even the least harsh of words can hurt you. Only your very few, closest friends who have earned your hard-to-get trust know who you really are inside; a sweet, gentle young woman who is lonely and so desperately needing friends to support you. You can get very depressed and not always know why, despite your power of empathy, as it seems to only work for people outside you. Your friends always turn to you when they need advice or comforting, and in some way you need to give that help, it makes you feel better in return to know that you've helped out your friends. Despite your cold, impassive exterior and high, seemingly unbreachable walls, inside you are really a great, intelligent person, full of compassion and love, if only people would dare take a chance and try to get through your tough shell. Never let others get you down, or change you. You are very special the way you are, even if you dont have fifty thousand friends. You are just as, if not more extraordinary than everyone else. Reach for the stars, because I dont doubt you'll catch hold of them.

Boy/Girl who will sweep you off your feet: A sweet, shy and romantic man/woman. The kind of guy/woman you know will never, ever hurt you, and will love you for ever. The kind of person who believes in true love, and soul mates.

Your stone: Blue Topaz

Your power: Healing. Emotionally, physically, or spiritually, you heal people with your words, your actions and presence. You are the one that the little children are always drawn to, because they know you'll never let anything hurt them.

Your element: Clairvoyance (The power to see objects or events that cannot be perceived by the normal five senses.)

A quote that applies to you: "True beauty shines from the soul and warms the world with its kindness, compassion , and integrity."


What's your inner power? (Girls only sorry. Beautiful anime pictures, lengthy results)
brought to you by Quizilla

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

son of spitnoodle

i went to a parent/teacher conference today. my first. i worried. would the teacher tell me that davey's been acting up? that he's too hyperactive? that he's the most obnoxious kid in the class? any criticism directed toward davey, i naturally blame myself for. after all, i'm his mom. i assume if there's anything the matter with him, it is the result of my dysfunctional parenting skills.

i got to the school early. had a cigarette in my car. blasted my tunes. other parents stared as they walked hand in hand into the school, ready to hear wonderful things about their perfect, well-adjusted children. i drummed on my leopard print steering wheel, filled the car with smoke, adjusted my pigtails a few times in the rearview, and headed on in.

i dropped by the bathroom to adjust my pigtails again. must... look... perfect... in my ratty jeans and Beatles t-shirt and earth shoes...and, aw fuck it, i look like me. who am i kidding. there was no 'perfect' to be had.

waited in the hallway for 15 minutes, waiting waiting waiting...what the fuck is taking so long...oh it's the retarded looking family that's holding up the works. the ones that brought their retarded looking kids. maybe the teacher just had to speak v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y for them.

checked out the walls in the hallway. i saw davey's picture up on the "KINDERGARTENERS ARE 'T' RIFFIC!" wall, on a little construction paper t-shirt with his name on it. i noticed he was the only David in the entire kindergarten class. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE, HAHAHA!

anyways, finally got to talk to the teacher. she's short and petite with short hair and glasses and wearing one of those long denim dresses and...everything a kindergarten teacher should be. there is only one profession for someone who looks like that. we sat down at one of the low tables and perused davey's drawings and classwork for a bit. very good, very good.

then BOOM.

"now there is something i'm concerned about..."

i froze. aw, gawd, what is it? does he ask the teacher to wipe his butt? does he talk about blood and dying like he does at home?? IS MY BOY ON DRUGS??? WHAT????

she finally came out with it, that he's got some, "social issues," or rather, as i see it, antisocial issues. doesn't play with the other kids. likes to be alone. i mean...are these really problems? that was me at that age. that's me now. and i slay. is it really so bad if he grows up to be just like me?

ok, maybe.

other than his loner tendencies and his quietness...oh and he daydreams during class (he is my CLONE), he is doing great. no behavioral problems. no problems with his work. he is perfect. i trotted out of that elementary school whistling.

i almost skipped.

but that would've looked totally lame.

Friday, September 30, 2005

confessions, and my fascinating life

i...am addicted to confessions. not confessing (although i have done that, also, as it is a good release) but other people's confessions. and there is a lot of those on Not Proud. i found this site months ago and have been reading it every few days ever since. sometimes for hours. it is that engrossing. some of them are trite. some of them are disturbing. some of them mirror my own life and problems. but they're all pretty interesting, enough that i'll think, "hmm, i think i'll read a few juicy confessions before i go to bed..," and before i know it, i look at the clock and it's 3am. it's comforting to know that other people have the same weird and pathetic feelings i do, that there are situations like my own where people feel just a hopeless and confused. and then there are the ones that are downright creepy, which actually makes me feel better about my own life.

hm...what else it up with the me. well, i still haven't found another job, have been sitting home all day, still have to worry about moving out in the near future, but, i dunno why, i've been feeling strangely euphoric and daydreamy. one would think that with all the problems i have (which, ok, i know i don't have nearly the amount of problems some people do), i would feel down and depressed. i do feel the weight on my back, but i also am starting to see a light ahead, and i don't even know what it is. but i feel it. i know this sounds cryptic, but deal with it. that's the jenny's way.

another thing. 'cereal'. say that world over and over, it starts to sound like 'surreal'. or maybe it's just me.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

aaaah. peace.

feeling very laid back, very calm. gonna watch a new show tonight (Night Stalker) and it better be good. my boat feels like it's stopped rocking at the moment and i can finally relax a litte...before i go over the waterfall (haha). well, since there is abso-tootly nothing really going on with me (that i care to blog about), i will whip out this blogthing. BOOM.

You Are 27 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
well...this is cool. i took this a few months ago and it told me i act 25. at least the number isn't getting smaller. what age do i look? probably 16. and that's just fine, people.


in other news, i've been adding a lot of new tunes to my radio blog, so check that out if you want. because really, it's better than the radio.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

virginia vs. washington

You Know You're From Virginia When...

Speed limits are just suggestions

You have at least two friends who have no idea what their relatives do...because its "top secret" government work

Most of your senior class wend to Mason, JMU, Tech, VCU or UVA

When people ask where you're from, you tell them DC because its easier to explain

You've never told someone you're from Virginia without putting "northern," "central," or "southern" in front of it (See above.)
NORTHERN!

It's not actually tailgating unless your bumper is touching the car in front of you.

You know yellow light means at least 5 more cars can get through. (Yeah, man...at least. Probably also happens everywhere else.) A red light means 2 more can.

You actually know what the black boxes at stoplights are for.

Despite the fact that Virginia fought for the south in the Civil War, you are not, under any circumstances, a "southerner"
NEVER

You are amused by visiting relatives who are actually excited to see Washington, DC

You took a field trip to Williamsburg as a kid

You are amazed when you go out of town and the people at McDonalds speak English

You or someone in your family has a Smart Tag

An inch of snow and you miss 3 days of school

All the potholes just add a little excitement to your driving experience

Crown Victoria = undercover cop

Subway is a fast food place. The transportation system is known as Metro, and only Metro.

They just tore down the old farm house across the street and put 12 new McMansions in its place

For the cost of your house, you could own a small town in Iowa

If you stay on the same road long enough, it will eventually have three new names.
IT'S TOO TRUE.

You have to dial the area code to call your neighbor

"Vacation" means spending a day at King's Dominion or Busch Gardens.
KING'S DOMINION

"Going to the River" means any stream with water.
HAH, YEAH, IT MEANS A FRIGGIN DITCH

You have never been served tea without the waitress asking "sweet or unsweetened?"

Your favorite past time is telling West Virginia jokes.
Q: HOW DO YOU RECOGNIZE THE BRIDE AT A WEST VIRGINIA WEDDING? A: SHE'S THE ONE WITH THE BRAIDED ARMPIT HAIR.

Anyone who can't trace his or her ancestry back to at least four generations in Virginia is an outsider.
WHOO, SINCE THE 1700's.

"Going to the beach" means anywhere from Ocean City to Virginia Beach to Myrtle Beach.
MMM HMM, OCEAN CITY AND MYRTLE BEACH

~~~ alright, since i lived in WA for 13 years, exactly half my life, i can't leave it out...

You Know You're From Washington When...

You know the state flower (Mildew)

You feel guilty when you don't recycle.

You use the phrase "sun break" and know what it means.

You know more than 10 ways to order coffee. SADLY

You know more people who own boats than air conditioners. BOATING SLAYS MY DAY

You feel overdressed wearing a suit/dress to a nice restaurant. I FEEL OVERDRESSED WEARING A DRESS TO A WEDDING, HAHA

You've stood on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" Signal. YUPS

You understand that if it has no snow or has not erupted, it is not a real mountain.

You can taste the difference between Starbuck's, Seattle's Best, Veneto's, Peet's, and Tully's. WELL...SOME OF THOSE...

You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.

You consider swimming an indoor sport. NOT REALLY

You are well versed in the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food. ONLY CHINESE AND THAI

In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark -- while only working eight-hour days.

You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.

You are not fazed by "Today's forecast: showers followed by rain," and "Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers." WTF, WHOEVER WROTE THIS, NOT ALL OF WA IS SEATTLE :(

You have no concept of humidity without precipitation. WELL, I DO NOW :(

You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.

You notice "the mountain is out" when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.

You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.

You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on. BIRKS AND SOCKS, TOTALLY.

You've actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.

You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.

You knew immediately that the view out of Frasier's window was fake.


amish nightmare

my nightmares usually involve something like killers, men with machetes, the end of the world. i'll wake up sweating, out of breath and disoriented. well, i had a nightmare last night, and it had the same effect on me, yet it was about supermarkets and an amish dude...

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

i was working at a supermarket...cleaning the floors. i didn't like it (big surprise there). i went home, then the next day, i got a phone call. i could hardly understand the person on the other end, so for some reason i just assumed it was someone from the supermarket calling me in to work. i was like, "sure, ok." a little bit later, an amish dude came up to the house. apparently he had sold me a car the day before (HA, an amish car salesman, gawd) and he said that it was in the contract that since he sold the car to me, i had to marry him. we were standing in the front yard talking. i was trying to back slowly into the house so i could run in and lock the door. i was trying to tell him that's not the way things work, and i would just sell him the car back in that case, and he was like, "no, no, my mother has it all arranged."

:: end of dream sequence ::


at this point (5am), davey ran into my room with a bloody nose. as unpleasant as that is, i felt relieved. my son may be bleeding profusely from the face, but at least i don't have to marry some random amish dude in exchange for a car.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

i think

i found this funny Alanis Morissette lyric generator. it's sort of like mad libs, where it asks for nouns and people's names and whatnot, and then forms it into an angry, alanis-like song. here was mine:

"I Think"

I Think four wheelers are really a huge problem
I Think pickup trucks are too much on my mind
I Think odors have got a lot to do with why the world sucks
But what can you do?

Like a orange rain, beating down on me
Like a jim morrison line, which won't let go of my brain
Like ray liotta's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on rednecks
Blame it on rednecks
Blame it on rednecks

I Think nascar fans are gonna drive us all crazy
And trailers make me feel like a child
I Think hunters will eventually be the downfall of civilization
But what can you do? I said what can you do?

Like a orange rain, beating down on me
Like a jim morrison line, which won't let go of my brain
Like ray liotta's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on rednecks
Blame it on rednecks
Blame it on rednecks

Like a orange rain, beating down on me
Like ray liotta's smile, cruel and cold
Like jim morrison's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on rednecks
Blame it on rednecks
Blame it on rednecks

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

not going back

i called in sick to work today. why do i feel guilty, i'm planning on quitting! FUCK. i don't care whether or not they can find someone to work my shift. i don't care if they think i'm lying when i said i can't work like this. i can't. every time i think of that store now, my stomach hurts and i get nauseous. it's not that i'm lazy...ok, maybe i am a little bit, but not that lazy. i'm willing to work, it's just, i don't see the point in making myself sick over something that's not even making me enough money. there's no way i can move out with the skimpy hours and lousy pay i'm getting there. i'm ready to quit. i'm not going back.

when i hear, "jenny, now i want to stress the importance of attendance. if this becomes a problem..." i know they're trying to cover their asses but i hate it. the store SUCKS. i can't FUNCTION when my stomach is in KNOTS and i HATE being talked to like i'm 10 years old! things happen, people get sick, and i doubt he'd want me there if all i was doing was curling up in a ball in the break room and crying. i highly doubt i'd even be able to bring myself to leave my car if i tried going in today.

it's funny, i was thinking last night, "what's a good excuse to use if i decide to call in sick tomorrow, one where i'm not technically lying..." because i detest lies, they're yucky and they follow you around. well, at least now i have a real excuse...

but DAMN my STOMACH, it FUCKING HURTS.

i felt so normal before i started this job, i just want that back. i don't want to see a doctor, because the doctor will find something wrong. i don't want anything wrong. i know i sound naive, so spare me the criticism. i just want to be happy. i want sunshine, rainbows and butterflies again.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

phobaphobic

i feel like i could start over. given i find a better paying job w/ more hours (i have my eye on one) and decent child care for davey, i'm sure i could find myself an apartment...around here *shudder* and live my quiet little life without constant worry of being booted out and living on the streets. it sounds so clear cut and simple. yes. yes, it does.

yet when i think about it...i mean picture it...it's slightly terrifying. i don't like people. i don't like being alone. this is a dilemma. i know i have davey, so i'm not technically alone, and he's good company. but when it's just he and i, and especially when he's acting up, i feel more alone than when it's just me. maybe i'm mildly autophobic? i dunno.

ok, enough of my trite problems...

no, fuck it, i started bitching, i think i should finish.

worked today. i'm a cashier, so i was doing my cashiering and answering phones and miscellaneous other little whatnot. i don't like working, but normally i can deal. maybe today was just a bad day for me, though. i dunno. i hope it was a fluke. the store was somewhat busy, but not too bad. i, on the other hand, was flipping. i tried not to show it, but on the inside, i was wigging out. my heart sped up. i was breathing heavier. i could think of nothing but getting outside and having a cigarette. i had my cigarette, settled down a smidge, but the second i stepped back through the door, i was back to wigging.

WTF?? what's wrong with me, has my claustrophobia really gotten that bad? pacing around behind the register, i felt like a caged animal, for serious. i mean, i've had this phobia for as long as i can remember, but it's the only irrational fear that seems to be getting worse rather than fading away...or lessening. it's surpassed my fear of spiders. this scares me...dammit! now i have an irrational fear of my phobias! i'm phobaphobic.

ghaa, i think i just need a cigarette. and some coffee. and some tunes...

and $100,000,000.

well, i can't end yet another post on a sour note, so here's some awesomeness from exploding dog for your entertainment:

Friday, September 16, 2005

don't wanna go

so i'm about to go to work. i don't want to move. so i blog. HELP ME BLOG, I DON'T WANNA GO TO WORK, WHAAAAAAA. ok, that's not working. hm. i had a dream early this morning about hurricanes and my grandma...and i think there was some hamsters thrown in there. i don't remember, but for some reason i woke up with Unskinny Bop by Poison stuck in my head. WTF??

anyways...here i am, dragging my feet when i should be getting ready for work. i feel like someone just beat me up and killed my dog. i don't even have a dog. but still. you know what i mean. it's not just work. it's life. but i won't get into that.

i feel like sitting here and writing sad cliched poetry about rainclouds and dead things, but i don't have time. so i guess i might just have to recite them to the customers at work.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

working

aaaaah, i have a job. good thing, too. i sorta missed the feeling of dread when i thought about going to work. not to mention the confusion of a bunch of customers asking me a bunch of crap that i don't know the answer to. oh, and i can't forget the pain in my feet after standing behind a register for eight hours.

ok, so i hate working. i hate the hours of this new job. i hate working in a town that i have no desire whatsoever to live in.



i hate hating things about my life. i want to be happy.

i know what could make me happy, too.

$100,000,000.

and some M&Ms. the kind with peanuts.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

random seriousness

i was in WA, in my parents' living room with davey. he was one then, walking wobbly, and his favorite show was still Bear in the Big Blue House on the disney channel, which we were watching. i wish he still watched that, now all he watches is the Making of: Jurassic Park, or the Star Wars: Behind the Scenes. there are no disturbing news flashes on the disney channel, though, so we were all relatively ignorant and blissful.

my parents were in the kitchen, drinking coffee, making breakfasts, talking. it was peaceful and so everyday. i think i might have still been in my pajamas.

my brother tore through the front door. "they're bombing us! the world trade center is gone! the pentagon is gone! aren't you watching the news?? turn on the news!" he is known to exaggerate, so no one was alarmed.

"but david's watching Bear..."

we flipped the channel, and...of all the times my brother has blown things out of proportion, i wish that time would've been one of them.

Friday, September 09, 2005

the jenny, is she still alive?

the jenny, she is alive.

a week without posting. one would think i had a life. well, one would be wrong. what's been happening with me? hmmm. i got a job at an office supply store, i guess i start sometime next week. i'm addicted to terragen. my zen micro still slays booty. my roots are growing out. blah blah blah...yada yada yada.

in other news...

ok, i don't listen to the rap, and i try not to comment on current events because normally i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about, buuuuut...
this song i found kinda groovy.

and i want this jacket:

Friday, September 02, 2005

i am dream ninja! boom!

after davey went to school this morning, i conked out again for a few hours (aaah, that felt nice) and had this dream:

:: jenny's dream sequence::

a mob guy that lived on my street kidnapped davey. he kept my mom and i and two other women locked in the empty master bedroom of one of the houses on the street. the windows overlooked all the backyards. it was halloween and there was a big corn maze out back with lots of kids running around in costumes. davey was dressed like a ghost. and he was having fun. my mom still had her cell phone and slipped into the bathroom to call someone. i wondered why they let her keep her cell phone.

i started describing all the physical pain i was going to inflict on the mob guy if i ever came face to face with him. the guy had two bodyguards, and apparently he didn't pay them or something, so they turned on him. they grabbed the guy and dragged him upstairs to me, holding his arms so he could hardly move. i beat the SHIT out of the guy. he was bloodied beyond recognition. i got davey back. it turned out this guy had a wife and a child of his own, but he left them, moved further down the street and started kidnapping children. i saw his wife on the news begging him to come back to her.

:: end of dream sequence ::

Thursday, September 01, 2005

beggin for a job

so i was around town today, beggin for work. i am a retail girl, so i swung around a bunch of book stores, office stores, music shops, video places and the like. man, i wish every store had their applicants apply online. it's much nicer filling out my life story while at the same time chatting and slurping down coffee. i mean, it would be nice to find a job that i could still do that while i work. but that's not what i've been applying for, so i need to shush.

y'know what i really hate? when i go into a store to talk to the manager about possible employment at their fine establishment (i think i'm choking on my own sarcasm!) and the bitch just looks me up and down and says, "whaddaya want." it didn't even sound like a question. actually it sounded somewhat like a gremlin, but that's aside from the point. in hindsight, i'm sure she was trying, with her amazing communication skills, to ask me what type of position i was looking for. but i don't think very clearly when i'm being stared into the ground by a 4 foot tall gremlin in khakis. so i say, "A JOB!"

she stared at me, as if i were insane, then asked me if i have sales and register experience, both of which were yes. when she asked me if i was looking for part of full time, i told her full time. her nose shot straight up into the air.

"we don't hire, full time. we hire part time and promote up to full time from within."

it was a very true and informative statement, but the way she said it, it might as well have been, "yer ugly and yer momma dresses ya funny." i hopped on outta there. i hate people sometimes. i dunno why it is that i always look for jobs that are way below my potential.

oh, wait. i almost forgot. it's because i'm lazy.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

i violated my own privacy

there comes a point where i have to draw the line on what i do and do not post. this is not meant to be my ultra private diary. if it was, obviously, you wouldn't be reading it. besides, that's what my poetry is for.

i deleted a post (GASP) earlier this morning. it's not the first time. it won't be the last, i'm sure. i become blabbermouth when i start typing. for some reason, everything wants to come out. and y'know what? not everything needs to be known. a girl needs a little mystery about her, people!

i've had it out with a friend of mine about deleting posts. she feels that everything we write in our blogs, whether or not we feel the same way later, whether or not it's whiney or trite or downright bullshit, is part of our cognitive maps. it's the truth. there is no erasing the truth.

well, fuck it, i just did. how ya like that.

so even though, if said friend reads this, she'll probably accuse me of burying the truth and "just telling the white man's version," i do not feel bad. i mean, sure, i don't mind reading other blogs with other people's ultra personal thoughts, but this is my blog. MINE! i don't care about blogging "rules." WHAT RULES?? i read blogs arguing both sides of this, but y'know what i have to say? huh? WHATEVAH, I DO WHAT I WANT!

if you want, you are free to peruse my poetry on my other blog and try to decipher my feelings from them. good luck with that. i even have a hard time figuring out what i mean sometimes.

i will condense the deleted post down to what i really wanted to say: i have a cold, i feel miserable, and why the fuck am i singing the Three's Company theme song...

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

vivid

last night's dreams were extremely vivid. i wrote them down immediately so i wouldn't forget them, but the funny thing is, i don't think they would have faded too quickly, anyhow. i mean, i can close my eyes and still picture them perfectly. perfectly.

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

i was out at this gas station/used car lot that looked a lot like a Sheetz but twice as big. it was late evening and i was there with my brother. he was trying to talk down the price of an old school bus. apparently i was really interested in buying one.

next dream. i had just been hired on with a landscaping company, along with this really airheaded teenage boy. we were both supposed to be working laying grass seed down at some guy's house. i was to do the backyard, and he was to do the front yard. when i finished in the back, i came around front to see if the doofus was almost done. i rounded the corner and he sprayed me with the hose, trying to be funny. then i noticed that instead of grass seed, he had laid down Legos and little plastic toys. i was like, "NO!!" and ran around gathering them up before the boss saw.

:: end of dream sequence ::