Thoughts, Nonsense, Neurosis, Boom

Monday, October 31, 2005

happy halloween

ok. since it's HALLOWEEN (or All Hallow's Eve...or Samhain, or whatever you fuckers want to call it), i thought i'd talk about scary movies. i love 'em. so here are, in no particular order (since i can't seem to make up my mind which ones i like most), my favorite movies of the genre:

poltergeist. "they're heeeeere." this is the movie that started my fear of clowns. and dolls. and clown dolls. it was back when "built over an old indian burial ground," didn't sound so cliched. i love everything about the movie, and i'm sure i know it word for word. "the swimming pool, THE SWIMMING POOL!!"

the exorcist. this was the first horror movie i ever watched. i might have been five. as scary as it seemed then, it's twice as frightening to me now. the scene that makes me cringe every time is the first time Regan's head turns backwards. "Do you know what she did, your cunting daughter?" *shiver* creepy. i've got the newer version now, with the scenes that had been cut from the original. best cut scene: regan's upside-down crabwalk down the stairs. it is oh-so-spooky.

halloween. my favorite slasher series. um. except for the last few, those suck. and not the third one either, that has nothing to do with michael myers. the first two are classics. i'm not a huge slasher flick fan anymore, now that my movie tastes have (for the most part) matured, but these never get old. jamie lee curtis is the scream queen.

pet sematary. another movie i know word for word. "sometimes, dead is bettah." it's the best stephen king movie ever. Zelda gave me nightmares. and daymares. the death scene where Gage (the little boy) gets hit by a truck always makes me bawl like a retard, but i have to say, Gage is the cutest dead kid ever. "First I played with Jud and then mommy came and I played with mommy. We had an awful good time. Now I want to play with yoooooooou."

the ring. when i first saw this movie, i was alone in the dark. when the dead chick popped out of the dude's TV, it scared the beejeezus out of me. i had gotten a movie poster of it from my work and had stuck it up in my bedroom prior to watching it, just because it looked cool. it was just a well. after seeing the movie, i had to take it down because i couldn't sleep with it up. i was convinced that creepy little chick was going to hop on out of the poster when i was sleeping. any movie that can do that to me, it's worth watching.

white noise. immediately after seeing this movie in theaters, i went out and got myself a digital voice recorder to try to collect my own EVPs (electronic voice phenomena). never got any, but anyways, the movie still slays. plus michael keaton is beautiful. when his wife died in the movie, i just wanted to jump through the screen and hug him. on top of being a really creepy ghost story, it's also got a kinda sweet love story in it, too. it's just a really awesome, haunting movie.

the amityville horror. it's the classic haunted house flick. i love the original, because it's what i grew up watching. i love the newer remake because of the wicked effects (for example, there is a baby sitter's finger poking in a dead girl's brain-hole effect, who couldn't love that). i've seen mass amounts of documentaries on the "true" story behind it all and it is utterly fascinating. for more about the amityville horror, go to the Amityville Horror Official Website, or go to The Amityville Murders for more information about the DeFeo murders. once you see the truth behind this movie, it makes it all the creepier.

love object. this isn't exactly the scariest movie, but it is damn strange, and definitely worth watching. it's a horror movie about a socially inept man and his relationship with his jealous, anatomically accurate silicone sex doll. if that doesn't make you want to watch it...then you are lame.

signs. three things that slay in one movie. aliens, destiny/fate, and of course, joaquin phoenix. they don't show much of the aliens, which, IMO is awesome because they don't overdo it. there is a lot of illogical whatnot where the aliens are concerned, but it doesn't really matter to me (since i'm not a logical person, anyway) plus the aliens are not even the point of the movie. it's got all these odd coincidental occurrences all throughout the movie and they all have purpose. and if that's not enough, there's joaquin phoenix's scar. good times.

silence of the lambs. this movie has some of my favorite lines. "It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again. Yes, it will, Precious, won't it? It will get the hose!" buffalo bill slays. literally ;) the movie doesn't scare me near as much as it used to, since i've seen it a kajillion times. i watch it now to see buffalo bill dancing around with his whatnot tucked in (to the song ''Goodbye Horses'' by Q. Lazzarus, it took me forever to find the name of that song) pretending to be a woman.

the entity. based on a "true" story. a woman getting raped by a ghost. or demon, or whatever. at times, i think it's more funny than scary, but i've got a pretty twisted sense of humor. all i can say, is that the whole movie is worth watching just for the boob scene alone. there's supposed to be a remake of this one coming out next year, so i've heard, so i am hoping it is more graphic. *ahem* i mean better.

and, on a slightly different note, i thought my most favorite halloween show ever was worth mentioning. Garfield's Halloween Adventure. sure, i know it seems childish, but go fuck yourself, i love this show. more than any scary movie ever made, this gets me into the halloween spirit. and it's where i first heard one of my most favorite words to say: flibberdegibbet. i just realized it's a real word, BTW, stupid me thought it was nonsense all this time, but it's in the dictionary. it means, "a flighty person." i learn a new bit of useless trivia every day.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

jenny's instructions: round two

i bought a book of "instructions" by Yoko Ono over a year ago called Grapefruit, which then inspired me to write my own instructions, all of which i had personally tested myself.

well, i am inspired again...

stay in the shower until
a) your family forgets about you
b) you've sang an entire Beatles album
(make choice)

give the hitchhiker at the freeway entrance a smile and a big thumbs up everytime you pass him.
honk at him when he pretends he didn't see you.

while getting onto the city bus, instead of flashing your bus pass, flash a maxi pad. pretend you actually meant to do that, and scurry to the back of the bus with face in hands.

wear spiderman mask and stand out on the front porch midday.
when your mother pretends she doesn't know you, proceed to clog dance for passing cars.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

that jenny, she's so dreamy

if anyone was looking for an opportunity to peek into my subconscious, here's my dreams from last night...

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

first dream: chillin on the beach with Daniel...and one of the giant fruit guys from the Fruit of the Loom commercials. the sky looked all fake. we were all trying to think up something to dream about. i think i realized it was a dream, but i don't recall any more of it.

second dream : i was at this theatre. but instead of a play, there was supposedly celebrity gymnastics going on, and Paris Hilton was on the rings (the ones that are normally in men's gymnastics). the chick she was competing against apparently had a fight with her and dropped out of the competition, so they were looking for someone in the audience to stand in.

this lady and her little white dog volunteered. she resembled Camryn Manheim. she was wearing a white dress. she did an interpretive dance, slayed on the rings and won the competition. afterwards, i partied with the theater people. it was like i was old friends of theirs. we were sitting around and telling stories.

i was trying to play matchmaker with some of them and hooked up Cameron Diaz with some creepy stagehand. well, when everyone got drunk, the creepy stagehand started telling us how he killed all these people, like women and lots of children. when he described them, we all had these sort of flashbacks and could actually see him doing them.

he told us how he killed his dad when he was little and we all saw how he did it. he had this gun that looked like a toy, and he was in the car with his dad and little brother, and the babysitter. he and the sitter got out of the car at the post office, but he got back in and shot his dad in the head.

we were trying to act like we were still his buddies because we didn't want to be next, but as soon as he left, i followed him to this junkyard and beat the crap out of him with a shovel. the dude died and i tied him up in a trash bag.

a trash guy came by and i made small talk with him while i sneakily popped the bag with the dead dude in it (which for some reason was really lightweight) into the back of the trash man's truck.

:: end of dream sequence ::

i understand everything about this first dream except for the Fruit of the Loom dude. and i just watched Vanilla Sky last night (that movie slays, BTW), so that would account for the Cameron Diaz reference in the second dream.

but what the quack is up with the rest of it...

Saturday, October 22, 2005

uncomfortably numb

sometimes i feel like just a pile or flesh and fat and meat. especially lately, when i try to sit down and write. it's as if my soul has gone on vacation and left the rest of me sitting here in front of my laptop. i'm just an indifferent body waiting for my personality to come back. i mean, really. these are the first ten thoughts that pop into my head:
  1. my hands hurt
  2. i should get more coffee
  3. what time is it
  4. sigh
  5. my toes are cold
  6. i should really go get some more coffee
  7. blink
  8. blink
  9. blink
  10. ...the sounds of the city sifting through trees, settle like dust on the shoulders of the ooooold friends....

see what i mean. and that last one wasn't even my own thought, i had to borrow it from simon and garfunkel because i was at a loss.

Monday, October 17, 2005

i dream of lucy

i had the craziest dream last night...

::jenny's dream sequence ::

i was in an abandoned hospital in the middle of a shopping center parking lot in winchester. it was the middle of the night and no one was around. i was by myself, pregnant and in labor. i delivered my own baby. afterwards, my dad showed up, and was like, "well that's great, what's it's name." i was like, "hm," and turned the baby upside-down to see if it was a boy or a girl. "Lucy Jane." i got home and the neighbors were having some sort of wake in their front yard, there was a bunch of people dressed in black. i went inside the house and realized i didn't have any diapers for lucy. it was as if i didn't prepare at all for having a baby. so my brother and his girlfriend (who looked like his old girlfriend) went out to get diapers. i let davey hold his baby sister. he was so happy and carrying her all over the house. i don't know how i had the baby, it was like immaculate conception.

:: end of dream sequence ::

one would think that i would've woken up relieved. i was actually kind of sad. lucy slayed. it's like she had this whole unique personality in my dream. normally, if i dream of someone i've never met, it's like they are a flat character. but...i dunno why this was different, but it was cool.

and BTW, if davey had been born a girl, he would've been named 'Lucy Jane.'

Saturday, October 15, 2005

quiz: political crappity

thought i'd take this, for the fuck of it. but the stupid picture was too big so... yeah, whatever. figure it out.

Your position on the political spectrum...
Liberal - You belive that some things in society could definately stand to be improved, and you view social progress as the key. You admirably manage to hold that view without becoming rabid about it, which ironically shows you as having far more genuine tolorance for differing views than your Far-Left Liberal cousins.

Where do you fall on the liberal - conservative political spectrum? (United States)
brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

office store dreams

had some retarded/weird/mildy interesting dreams last night. i know everyone is just dying to hear about them, so without futher ado...(drumroll)...

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

was working at stupid office max, but it was sooooo much bigger, and there was some different asshole guy in charge that kept yelling at me. there were more people working there and 20 times the amount of customers that normally shop there.

flash forward a few days. the store changed managers and for some reason they moved most of the stuff out of the store and only carried a few things, like paper and pencils and pens and notebooks, etc, making the store about the size of my bedroom, with one register. everyone but me, some other dude and of course the new manager, was fired. we sat around all day contemplating whether we should move the store into the mall, since it was so small.

then i was in Staples, something to do with working at office max, i dunno, but i started complaining because in the middle of all the office supplies, there was one of those refridgerated food islands, like they keep the pre made sammiches in at the wal mart deli. i was yelling at them, because all they had in it was turkey. not sammiches, either. big whole turkeys. i was like, "not everybody likes turkey, y'know! you're descriminating against ham eaters!"

next dream. saw my old friend from high school in wal mart, she had gone completely bonkers, and apparently wal mart had valet parking, because i went to go get my car but i didn't know where it was parked and all the people doing the valet parking were having sex with each other in the parking lot.

:: end of dream sequence ::

random memory - sock monkeys

...or, That Time I Made a Human

July 15, 2000. the Hanford fires were put out by then, which was a relief, because on top of having to have my overnight bag for the hospital ready, just in case, i had the extra worry, for awhile at least, of possibly having to evacuate my home.

my contractions had been mild and far apart for four days. the journal that i had always kept nearby me for spur of the moment poetry, was now being used to record how long, how far between these discomforts were becoming. i had become a clock watching, heavy breathing, roly poly nervous wreck. hee hee hee wheeeeew. i still do my lamaz breathing when i need to calm myself down.

to speed up my contractions, my parents decided to take me on a bumpy car ride through the burned areas of town, just to see what damage had been done. i don't know if it was the rollercoaster roads or the smell of charred sagebrush that that made the munchkin in my womb decide, "hey, i think it's time to pop out," because as soon as we arrived home, it was time to hit the hospital.

my mother was my labor coach. she was the one that held my hand through my childbirth classes, helped me remember my breathing, reassured me that it wasn't so unnatural to push something that huge out of...well, yeah. i heard the story of my own birth about a kajillion times. "when i had you, we all called you the KY Kid, because you just flew out so faaaast." i had heard that story all my life, and when i finally found out what KY was, when i was in junior high, i was mortified.

in childbirth classes, they stressed the importance of a focal point, an object to stare intently at while going through contractions. i brought with me a sock monkey. because sock monkeys are badASS. of course, focal points only tend to work if you're actually looking at them. sock monkey got lost somewhere in the sheets of the FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE hospital bed with me, but i think just knowing my little socky friend was there with me made a difference.

"are you sure you're having contractions? this stupid machine doesn't even work!" instead of breathing with me, my mother was bitching about the hospital equipment. i sat panting in the...did i say this already...FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE hospital bed, on the verge of hyperventilating myself and passing out (well, if it weren't for the frequent and painful spasms in my midsection, ha). they had yet to decide if it was necessary for me to actually stay in the hospital, or go home and wait.

after it was decided that, yes, something was likely to pop out of me, and soon, i settled into my nightie and prepared for the worste pain of my life. my doula (or, my other labor coach) showed up and insisted i walk around. there's nothing worse than having to endure that kind of pain, other than waddling around in the hall in my nightie in that kind of pain. all the while trying to smile and be nice, because this wonderful strange lady just drove to the hospital in the middle of the night to help me. like hell i was going to say what was on my mind.

"you're being so quiet," she observed, as if it were expected of me to let loose a string of profanity between each hee-hee-hee-hoooo. it's funny that the one time i hold my tongue is the one time i'm expected to swear like a sailor. "Shit," i mumbled, halfheartedly. i mean, really. what fun is letting loose a good 'muthafuck' if it's expected?

after i laid back down for awhile, i realized i was not going to be wonder woman after all, and some serious drugs were in order. in fact...that sounds good now, hmm... anyways, what was i saying? oh! yes. drugs. i got me an epidural (which looks like this, eeks) and withstood some embarrassing checks by the midwife to see how far along i was.

what happened during the last check, it's somewhat hard to remember, it all went so fast. i heard, "there's the cord," and, "honey, you're going to have to have a cesarean," and, "drink this," all while a kajillion nurses rush in, lay me back, and start wheeling me down the hall. my mother freaking out, "what's happening, what's happening." it took all of 60 seconds.

i didn't realize at first that they were going to knock me out for this. this wasn't covered in childbirth class. it was skimmed over a little in the, "things sometimes go wrong" talk, but was not really discussed in depth. the man talking to me held a mask to my face and told me to count backwards. the last sound i heard was a huge crash and a hissing sound (which i was to learn later, was an oxygen tank falling down) before the blackness closed in and i was blissfully unaware of the madness surrounding me.

i woke up a few hours later. alone. confused. i didn't know whether i had a child or not. i mean...did it come out alive? i decided to assume the best and waited for the nurse to come by (or just anyone, considering my contacts were taken out and i couldn't see anything but shapes moving by me). "was it a boy or a girl?" i was told i had a boy. oh well, 'Lucy Jane' would have to be for the next one.

when i was awake enough and at least semi-coherent, someone popped my glasses on me, and i was wheeled down the hall. please say that's not mine screaming bloody murder. please say i didn't produce anything that loud. i entered the room to see my parents holding a perfect miniature human. letting loose an ear piercing shriek that would have made Jamie Lee Curtis jealous.

i reached down in the bed to see WTF that lump was in my blanket and found sock monkey. had he been there for the whole thing? had the doctors and nurses been in such a hurry to get this banshee out of me that they let my smiling monkey friend stay for the show? i know the answer is, 'probably not,' but i like to think it was, just because i'm silly and irrational.

and the point of this story is this.

sock monkeys are badASS.

Monday, October 10, 2005

deep thoughts...

if i were a bird, i think i'd make airplane noises with my mouth. just to confuse people.

davey's wicked pumpkin

screw the messy carving nonsense, from now on, it's mr. pumpkin head!

Saturday, October 08, 2005

near disaster

i had just watched one of the greatest movies earlier this evening (I Heart Huckabees), taken a refreshing shower, sang a little. i was in a great mood for a change. i plopped down at my computer, checked my email, popped open Google Talk laptop started wigging out. it was like a nightmare. unreal. colors flashed and twitched. stripes. plaids. my lappy had gone mad.

i sat frozen for a good five minutes just watching it before i thought maybe i should try rebooting. nothing doing. i unplugged things, took out the battery, put the battery back in. i almost tried banging it against something but stopped myself. damn those violent impulses.

it cleared up for a few minutes after i turned it back on again. no lines, no flashing colors. it was tricking me, though. giving me a false sense of security before freaking out again. i was becoming convinced that my computer was possessed.

turns out, the screen is busted. i plugged a monitor up to it and all is good. lappy is not dead. yet. but now i've got even less space on this tiny desk, what with a mammoth monitor plopped in the middle of it. but i should be thankful that i still have a computer.

i can't complain. but sometimes i still do.

the ongoing drama of jenny's subconscious

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

new orleans had been rebuilt. but instead of a city, it was being advertised that it had been changed into a giant theme park. everyone wanted to go, but were having a hard time getting in. i saw people in lines on foot waiting to get into the airports and bus stations to get to new orleans. so i hopped in line. dani and rachel were there. apparently people just got in line and were told whether they were going to fly to new orleans or take a bus. the line was moving past my house (which was not really my house now, but it was in the dream). people were trying to break in through my windows, so i had to get out of line and run back to pry them away from the windows. i had some kind of alarm system i rigged, hooked up to my stereo. i got back in line to find out we were flying to new orleans.

i don't remember the plane trip. it was almost as if we were beamed there. the theme park was based on the hurricane devistation whatnot. the city didn't look entirely different, there was still wrecked and flooded houses and buildings, the only difference being that now people were laughing and swimming around in it and having fun.

i think i just drove home after that. i don't know how my car got there, and for some reason it took only about 20 minute to drive from there back to virginia. i stopped by some house to show some kid the proper way to throw a boomerang, which didn't really look like a boomerang, but was chicken shaped. but it worked as a boomerang. i threw it too hard and it went down their chiminey. then i took off real fast in my car.

:: end of dream sequence ::

Thursday, October 06, 2005

my inner power! muahahaha!

i dunno why i always do these quizzes. maybe it's because, even though they normally are so far off from accurately describing me...they make me sound really cool.

plus the pictures are so purdy...

Empathy- Your inner power is Empathy! This means that you have a talent for identifying others emotions, often by simply glancing at them. You are EXTREMELY shy and quiet. People sometimes don't notice you're around and seem surprised to find out you even exist in a big class. You're the often silent, goody two shoes, and few get passed the walls you've built up to stop yourself being hurt, as you no doubt have been in the past. Not everyone understands you, in fact some think that you're a snob or worse because you rarely participate in group activities. You're extremely sensitive, even the least harsh of words can hurt you. Only your very few, closest friends who have earned your hard-to-get trust know who you really are inside; a sweet, gentle young woman who is lonely and so desperately needing friends to support you. You can get very depressed and not always know why, despite your power of empathy, as it seems to only work for people outside you. Your friends always turn to you when they need advice or comforting, and in some way you need to give that help, it makes you feel better in return to know that you've helped out your friends. Despite your cold, impassive exterior and high, seemingly unbreachable walls, inside you are really a great, intelligent person, full of compassion and love, if only people would dare take a chance and try to get through your tough shell. Never let others get you down, or change you. You are very special the way you are, even if you dont have fifty thousand friends. You are just as, if not more extraordinary than everyone else. Reach for the stars, because I dont doubt you'll catch hold of them.

Boy/Girl who will sweep you off your feet: A sweet, shy and romantic man/woman. The kind of guy/woman you know will never, ever hurt you, and will love you for ever. The kind of person who believes in true love, and soul mates.

Your stone: Blue Topaz

Your power: Healing. Emotionally, physically, or spiritually, you heal people with your words, your actions and presence. You are the one that the little children are always drawn to, because they know you'll never let anything hurt them.

Your element: Clairvoyance (The power to see objects or events that cannot be perceived by the normal five senses.)

A quote that applies to you: "True beauty shines from the soul and warms the world with its kindness, compassion , and integrity."

What's your inner power? (Girls only sorry. Beautiful anime pictures, lengthy results)
brought to you by Quizilla

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

son of spitnoodle

i went to a parent/teacher conference today. my first. i worried. would the teacher tell me that davey's been acting up? that he's too hyperactive? that he's the most obnoxious kid in the class? any criticism directed toward davey, i naturally blame myself for. after all, i'm his mom. i assume if there's anything the matter with him, it is the result of my dysfunctional parenting skills.

i got to the school early. had a cigarette in my car. blasted my tunes. other parents stared as they walked hand in hand into the school, ready to hear wonderful things about their perfect, well-adjusted children. i drummed on my leopard print steering wheel, filled the car with smoke, adjusted my pigtails a few times in the rearview, and headed on in.

i dropped by the bathroom to adjust my pigtails again. must... look... perfect... in my ratty jeans and Beatles t-shirt and earth shoes...and, aw fuck it, i look like me. who am i kidding. there was no 'perfect' to be had.

waited in the hallway for 15 minutes, waiting waiting waiting...what the fuck is taking so long...oh it's the retarded looking family that's holding up the works. the ones that brought their retarded looking kids. maybe the teacher just had to speak v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y for them.

checked out the walls in the hallway. i saw davey's picture up on the "KINDERGARTENERS ARE 'T' RIFFIC!" wall, on a little construction paper t-shirt with his name on it. i noticed he was the only David in the entire kindergarten class. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE, HAHAHA!

anyways, finally got to talk to the teacher. she's short and petite with short hair and glasses and wearing one of those long denim dresses and...everything a kindergarten teacher should be. there is only one profession for someone who looks like that. we sat down at one of the low tables and perused davey's drawings and classwork for a bit. very good, very good.

then BOOM.

"now there is something i'm concerned about..."

i froze. aw, gawd, what is it? does he ask the teacher to wipe his butt? does he talk about blood and dying like he does at home?? IS MY BOY ON DRUGS??? WHAT????

she finally came out with it, that he's got some, "social issues," or rather, as i see it, antisocial issues. doesn't play with the other kids. likes to be alone. i mean...are these really problems? that was me at that age. that's me now. and i slay. is it really so bad if he grows up to be just like me?

ok, maybe.

other than his loner tendencies and his quietness...oh and he daydreams during class (he is my CLONE), he is doing great. no behavioral problems. no problems with his work. he is perfect. i trotted out of that elementary school whistling.

i almost skipped.

but that would've looked totally lame.