I'm alright. Not comfortable, not stable, not always happy, and not the healthiest. But I'm still alright. I step back each morning and realize that, despite all the hiccups and setbacks, I've got it so much better than I've had it before.
I'm giving myself back my freedom. I'm being a friend to myself (FINALLY) instead of heckling me from the back of my brain. I'm continuously growing and learning from my own bullshit. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely still on my bullshit. But hopefully I learn from that, too, and keep moving forward.
Damn, if I feel this good now, how am I going to feel once I get coffee.
Transcendent. Probably.
I'm finally in a time where my kids are grown enough to be my friends. I mean, yeah, I'm always mom. But I cannot convey how much I enjoy my kids' company now. They're brilliant, compassionate, talented, responsible, hilarious human beings. This shows that I actually contributed great things to this world. Their existence makes my existence seem worth something.
I'm still sitting here in bed writing this on my phone. It's gradually getting harder to write, considering I'm propped up on my elbows and both of my arms are falling asleep. Eh. Still not stopping me.
I'm finally free from relationships, free to look around at men with options. I can take em or leave em with no obligations. I know that I don't need to jump into something because I feel lonely. Sure, I'll feel lonely. It's not the end of the world. I still felt lonely in a relationship. I've got friends and family. Lonliness is a far better feeling than trapped. I love having control over my own life without needing to justify any of my choices to someone else. Aaah.
Anyways, this is as zen as it gets. In a few minutes, I'll finally drag my happy ass out of bed, maybe step in some cat mess or something, and declare this world to be shit.
Wish me luck.
