Thoughts, Nonsense, Neurosis, Boom

Friday, December 31, 2004

new year's resolutions...

...or as my son calls them, new year's restitutions.

1. keep smoking.
2. keep drinking coffee.
3. keep watching the pilates video in fast forward (while sitting on couch)
4. eat a few more eggrolls
5. make fun of a redneck
6. lose some eyelashes
7. practice singing in the shower
8. say BOOM at inappropriate times


wow.

i know, i know. it seems like a lot. but i think i can manage.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

nightmares.

not sure why it is, but i've had some pretty fucked up, violent dreams the past few nights.

sunday night:
in this dream, i was coming out of 7-11 with some nachoes and a surge (remember surge? i miss those). as i was coming out, two wild jungle-looking dudes with bloody machetes were going in (apparently they didn't see me coming out). they killed everyone inside. i could see body parts flying around and blood squirting from decapitated heads. the whole works. i stood there frozen, clutching my nachoes and surge, staring in the front window. as soon as they were done, they looked up and saw me. one pointed his machete at me and mouthed "you're dead." then i woke up.

monday night:
in my dream, i was in the bathroom at night, drying off from a shower. i heard some crazy noises out in the hall. my son screaming (he screams sometimes when he's happy). my dad shouting. things hitting the walls. i was in the bathroom for a half hour hearing all this while i got dressed and put on makeup. when i finally poked my head out to see what the fuck was going on -- my dad's decapitated head rolled down the hall. i looked down the hall into the living room and saw the two men with machetes. there was a pile of bloody body parts behind them. then i woke up.

last night:
i dreamt i was a bird! this one started off great. i was flying through clouds with everyone else i have ever known. we were all magically transformed into birds and all of us were having the times of our lives. apparently, however, there was a trick to landing that none of us knew about, and the clouds were a lot lower than we thought. most of us hit the ground and died. i survived, but my family didn't. when we hit the ground, we were turned back into humans, and from the twisted mass of bodies, i'd say only 10% of us survived. out of thousands of people. then i woke up.

what the fuck?? i'm not a violent person, this is not what i'm thinking about before i go to sleep, so why am i dreaming it??

anyone do dream interpretations? if someone can find some sort of meaning for these, i'd love to hear it.

annoyance.

i was surfing around other people's blogs in blog explosion the other day and noticed something that pissed me off...

i was sitting listening to depeche mode on my stereo, when my computer started making this horrible noise. it took me a second to realize it was britney spears.

if you are going to put music on your blog, please don't autostart it. give people the choice whether they want to hear your music or not, because chances are, YOUR MUSIC SUCKS.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

the oracle book.

i just found a book i bought a few years ago and haven't seen since, till now. it's called the oracle book: answers to life's questions by georgia routsis savas (so mystical sounding, wooooo). what you do is, ask the book a question, concentrate VERY HARD, and flip through the pages, randomly stopping at one of the "answers." it's the literary version of an 8 ball. don't get me wrong, i'm not into all the psychic fortune telling bullshit (well, i assume it's bullshit), it just seemed mildly amusing when i was flipping though it at work (a few years ago, i worked at a book store/music store/video store/software store/spongebob paraphernalia store). here are a few of my very important questions. finally. ANSWERED!

Q: will i get the furniture-staining job?
A: "yes, but only with the assistance of a loved one."
~~~ok, then I am bringing my son to the interview. BOOM~~~

Q: will my son become a ROCK STAR when he grows up?
A: "the answer is yes, but only if you get to it immediately."

~~~BOOM! DONE!~~~


Q: will i become a rock star when i grow up? (haha)
A: "the psychic's answer is plain and simple: no."
~~~well...fuck the psychic, what does she know~~~

Q: will i win millions of dollars in this lifetime?
A: "act as if it's already happened."
~~~*blink* oh, well sure. then i'm going to the mall. BOOM~~~




BOOM count = 3

Friday, December 24, 2004

bouncing off the walls

i've had waaaay too many cookies. aah, christmas.

the best (possibly the BESTEST) song i've heard all week: Gay Bar by Electric 6.
it goes well with sugar. *bounce bounce bounce*

so, we're getting all these xmas cards, "welcome back to virginia," blah blah, and they're sending pictures, people i havn't seen in close to 15 years. they're getting old. when did that happen? i still look like i'm 16.

i'm glad i didn't send out pictures of me. i'd ruin christmas with my big ol face. BOOM!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

The Crucifix

If the Christians' "savior" was born in modern times, and was shot instead of crucified, would people be wearing guns around their necks 2000 years later?

And maybe he would be named Frank instead of Jesus.

HAHA. What Would Frank Do?

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

My Christmas Decorations

Please leave me a comment if the above Christmas decorations offend anyone. I don't really care, but if there's any crazy jesus freaks that start crying when they see jesus done up like a Christmas tree, it would give me a good laugh to know about it.

I am the anti-Christmas. HAHAHA.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

100 Things (because I'm a sheep like the rest of you)

1. I share my birth date (not year) with Elvis Costello.
2. I don't remember what my original hair color looks like. I know it's a shade of brownish.
3. I was born in VA...
4. then moved to WA for 13 years...
5. then moved back to VA this year(and don't know anyone here now).
4. My oldest brother is schizophrenic.
5. My other brother is bald.
6. My second toe is longer than the rest of my toes. Someone told me that means I will be a serial killer. I was like WHATEVER, THAT'S A LIE and buried him in my backyard. That asshole...
7. I'm only pierced in my ears, but 6 times (3 in each)
8. I have 2 tattoos -- one on my left forearm of a Pegasus, the other on my right ankle of a Japanese symbol that means "word temple" (poet)
9. I fuckin LOVE eggrolls! The best shit in the world.
10. I hate people that swear. *giggle*
11. I am afraid of rednecks.
12. I am afraid of spiders.
13. I am afraid of clowns and mimes.
14. I scratch the underneath of my fingernails with my eyebrows
15. I am allergic to cocoa butter.
16. I hate cooked vegetables.
17. I am a karaoke goddess. I can sing Baby Got Back like nobody's business. BOOM!
18. I am divorced
19. but we were only married 7 months before we separated.
20. My weird gift -- the phantom whistle. I can whistle without moving my mouth, with vibrato and everything (if I could only sing like that...)
21. I still watch Muppet movies.
22. I watch Blue's Clues. Even when my son is not in the room.
23. I play piano a little bit.
24. I got a guitar 9 years ago and still haven't learned to play it that well.
25. This 100 Things list is harder than I thought.
26. I've had a tummy ache every day for almost 4 years.
27. I've smoked since I was 13.
28. I didn't get drunk for the first time till I was 19.
29. I've never been outside of the US.
30. If I did leave the US, I'd go to the UK, if only because I know the language. But who says I'll ever leave the country...
31. ...plus I want to hear someone ask to bum a fag.
32. One time, about 4 1/2 years ago, some people ripped a human being out of my abdomen.
33. I'm the great great great...uh...great? niece of Lucy Stone, feminist and first woman to keep her maiden name in marriage...
34. ...but I still took my ex-husband's last name when we were married. Blah!
35. When and if I ever have another child, if it's a girl, I am naming her Lucy.
36. My son's middle name is after David Bowie's character in Labyrinth.
37. I am pretty much blind without my contacts. Or glasses. I see blobs of color and that's all.
38. I always fall for guys shorter than me. But they never catch me. *sigh*
39. I've never owned my own car. I've always rode city busses.
40. I KILL at Bubble Bobble (original Nintendo)
41. I like to dance to oldies radio.
42. My lucky number is 42.
43. I like the smell of gasoline, permanent markers, and fingernail polish remover (but not all of them combined)
44. I think Play Doh smells good enough to eat
45. I am double jointed, but only in two fingers.
46. If left alone, I could sit still and listen to my discman all day.
47. I sing in the shower. Loudly.
48. I think I snore. Not loudly.
49. I have fallen asleep with my eyes open.
50. I had a lucid dream (a dream where I was aware I was dreaming and could control things) one time, about a killer in a hotel. He killed all my friends. If I could control my dream, why did I let him kill all my friends? Hmm. HAHAHA.
51. I'm not really that evil.
52. I am agnostic.
53. I was baptized Methodist.
54. I am claustrophobic in all enclosed/crowded places except for rock shows.
55. I think I might have some hearing loss.
56. My favorite mixed drink is an Alabama Slammer.
57. My favorite candy is dark chocolate truffles.
58. I used to clog dance.
59. I am still embarrassed about the fact that I used to clog dance.
60. When I was 10, my favorite band was Poison (and I am ashamed of that, too)
61. I put an unnatural amount of sugar into my coffee.
62. I feel a little self absorbed starting every sentence with the word "I"
63. I hate hunting. The only mammal I've ever killed was a mouse, because they were eating my food, and even that gave me nightmares.
64. I HATE NASCAR. Also, I'm not fond of people wearing Nascar jackets.
65. I am scared of guns.
66. I don't think anyone that ~~ a)wears a Nascar jacket or hat, b)owns a 4 wheeler, or c)voted for Bush ~~ should be allowed to take a gun into the woods, get drunk and start shooting at anything fuzzy.
67. I was never this picky about people when I lived in WA
68. I still think there's nothing better than coloring with a brand new crayon.
69. Huh huh...I'm on number 69...
70. I have about a dozen beginnings for stories. I start them but rarely finish them.
71. My soda of choice is Cherry Coke
72. I like leopard print, but not leopard print clothes.
73. I've wanted braces since I was 4, when I used to try and color my teeth with a silver crayon.
74. I adore scary movies, ghost stories and old cemeteries.
75. I've had strep more times than is healthy
76. I can't stand being called Jennifer
77. I laugh when anyone says the word "pouch"
78. I look 10 years younger than I am.
79. I act 20 years younger than I am.
80. I've never broken a bone in my body.
81. I haven't cleaned the fish tank in 3 months.
82. I own a Jim Morrison action figure.
83. I also own a Jesus action figure (with real gliding action) haha
84. If I had a spirit animal, it would probably be the noble ferret.
85. I couldn't pronounce "Massachusetts" till I was 14. I called it Matchuhshoeshits.
86. I procrastinate something horrible.
87. Half the time, I wear men's pants.
88. You know those little stuffed animals or toys that say PRESS MY HAND TO HEAR ME TALK or PRESS MY FOOT TO HEAR SIXTY CHRISTMAS SONGS IN A ROW! Well, if you are in Wal Mart or Target, and happen to hear them go off all at once *grin* IT WAS ME!
89. My 4 year old son knows all the words to every song in The Beatle's Yellow Submarine.
90. My 4 year old son also knows the words to roughly 1/3 of the songs from the Broadway soundtrack of Hair. Even the one called Sodomy (sorry to say) haha.
91. I have nightmares about my childhood. I hope my son doesn't have nightmares about his.
92. I'm kind of afraid to clean the fish tank now *cringe*
93. I make the best chocolate chip cookies (from scratch) this world has ever seen! BOOM!
94. I say BOOM entirely too much.
95. I found out the hard way that Dr. Scholl's gel insoles DO NOT WORK. Fuckin OW!
96. I'm not gellin' anymore.
97. I didn't send out ANY Christmas cards this year.
98. Ever since getting sick off of Goldschlager, I can't stand the smell or taste of cinnamon. That stuff is like fireworks when it comes back up.
99. I can say "The chicken is dead," in German. It's the only German I know, other than "Gesundheit." If I ever make it to Germany, I'm ready to confuse some Germans.
100. I can't believe I bothered to finish this list. YAY! This was getting OLD!

AAAGH, COOL!





Your Christmas is Most Like: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation





Christmas is a big, boisterous event at your place.
And no matter what, something hilarious usually happens.




AWESOME! I watch that movie EVERY CHRISTMAS!!!

Things I Miss From Childhood

just a random list pulled out of nowhere:

1. Digging -- for no reason
2. Original Nintendo -- Duck Hunt and Bubble Bobble
3. Pee Wee's Playhouse
4. Climbing trees -- the dangerous non-climbing type of trees
5. Being un-self conscious
6. Lawnchair forts
7. Bedspread forts
8. The ability to fit inside a lawnchair/bedspread fort
9. No responsibility
10. Jelly shoes
11. Trick or treating
12. The Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny/Santa Claus
13. TV shows (Cosby Show, Small Wonder, Mr. Belvedere, all that crap)

might be more, but i really don't think so. childhood sucked, now that i think about it.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Hey, it's true...


Agnostic
You've probably studied loads of different religions, but you're just not sure if any of it is true. Evolution makes some sense to you, but it doesn't satisfy you. Lastly, your personality is one of question, but you won't go out of your way to find -The Truth- It's more of a hobby.

Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"

I QUIT! I AM FREE! AND I'M...uh...broke.

well, i finally quit my temp job. yesterday. i have a job possibly lined up for after the first of the year. it's temp to hire, but i hear that people don't really get laid off/fired too often so BOOM! i'd be sanding/staining/inspecting high end furniture.
hopefully i'll meet people who DON'T:

1. talk about their hunting trips in great detail
2. bitch about their alcoholic husbands
3. try and force me to join their avon cult
4. have big hairspray-plastered bangs
5. wear nascar jackets

it seems this is too much to ask around these parts. yikes.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Techno SB Email

this has been my long-standing favorite strong bad email

and funny, no one around here (of the small percentage of locals that i talk to) seems to know what a rave is. not that i care, i never went to them. i just love to see the cheat twirling a glo stick. BOOM!



i think the sb "guitar" email comes in at a close second...

mortification.

so i went to a buffet restaurant with my son, davey, today for lunch. the waitress came over to ask us if we wanted dinner rolls and was immediately enchanted with my little one (aren't they all). he was flirting. he's a flirt and always will be. it's genetic.

well, just as she was laughing over him telling her about santa and how he's going to bring him ninja turtles, david looked at her and said, "PIMP MY MOM!"

okay, let me explain...heh...

he's not trying to find me a job or anything. he watches the MTV with my brother (i don't watch it since they took the M out of MTV -- where's the music??) and sees the dumb shows like Pimp My Ride and Date My Mom and mixes them up.

the waitress looked a bit shocked, and as i was trying to crawl under the table, she politely told davey she wasn't in that business. and was probably wondering why a 4 year old would have the word PIMP in his vocabulary.

gawd...

Sunday, December 12, 2004

This would be creepy if there was a such thing as Hell. HAHAHA

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
LevelScore
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Extreme
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

sheesh, i'm not that bad, am i? malicious and violent????
WHATEVAH! I DO WHAT I WANT!

Colorless (Another Poem)

Between Malcolm and Mao
Where does my verse come from
Where do I turn to
Now when my heritage doesn’t
Stack up to these masters of
Word of stage filled with a rage
I haven’t earned, I heard
The verse of a black man
Beautiful words of hate aimed
At the white race, aimed
At me and I ate my tears until
The end and poured them
On a page, I am not my fathers,
I have my own pains and rage
The world tries to ignore
My sons already four years old
And I’m still part time at the store
At minimum wage, and my rent is
More than I can afford. My world is
Not colored in black, white, yellow
But in green of all the money
I don’t have to buy my son
The same damn Shrek toy the
Boy has next door.
I heard the voice of a
Chinese girl speaking words
Like Revolution. Change.
And despite her age she already
Knew what she stood for and
Let me tell you
It’s not the Pledge of Allegiance and I
Thought, the only thing I stand for anymore
Is the door when the pizza guy shows up
And I pretend to lose the
Two-for-one coupon. Change
Is a word so foreign to
A tongue who’s rung so long
Of peace and security but is now left
Speechless. Colorless and empty handed
I stand in shame of my past of no
Pride and hide behind the lie that
I have nothing to say.

Resignation (A Poem)

Slumber eyes
Eyes that fly through
Windows

And pound the earth with
Screams, Lungs that
Refuse to lie, don’t

Speak at all through
Their smog, Poisons
Never want to let go

Left tonguing the tomb
Of her verse, loiter in
Limbo, Already feeling

The worms getting in

a poem i wrote...um, ok, i don't remember when i wrote it.

Just the mention of your name
I'm fruit loops giggles
pigtails and
twirling gum round my finger
waiting for you
in a field of cotton candy
but you're gone
Kool-aid tears
turn to acid, burn a hole
in the world
and I jump out

Friday, December 10, 2004

the most romantic lyrics ever.

"...if a double decker bus crashes into us,
to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die
and if a ten ton truck kills the both of us
to die by your side, well the pleasure, the privilege is mine..."
-There Is a Light That Never Goes Out ~ The Smiths

now to find someone to get hit by a bus with. *sigh*

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Dull monotonous drudge.

My life has taken a veer towards incredibly boring. My dreams, however, have gotten stranger and more vivid. Maybe my mind is making up for my lack of activity. My lack of living. I'm not living, really. I work. I come home. I curl up and listen to The Cure.

Maybe I should write more poetry. But even then, I don't have anything incredibly sad to write about, which seems to be my spark for writing. I could sit around and sigh.

Yeah. I could do that.

No, I saw something incredibly sad today. A deer head poking out of the wall at the music shop. It had that "What the--" look on it's little deer face. The fuckers. It's creepy that there are so many people out there who brag about murdering for sport. They need to watch a little something called...