Thoughts, Nonsense, Neurosis, Boom

Thursday, July 28, 2005

yet another personality test

Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||| 43%
Stability |||||||||||| 50%
Orderliness |||| 20%
Altruism |||||||||||||| 56%
Interdependence |||||||||||| 43%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||| 63%
Mystical |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Materialism || 10%
Narcissism |||| 16%
Adventurousness |||||| 30%
Work ethic |||| 16%
Self absorbed |||||||||||||||| 63%
Conflict seeking |||||| 30%
Need to dominate || 10%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Avoidant |||||||||| 36%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Wealth || 10%
Dependency |||||||||||||||| 70%
Change averse |||||||||||| 43%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Individuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Physical security |||||| 23%
Physical Fitness || 10%
Histrionic |||||||||||||||| 63%
Paranoia |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Vanity |||||||||||| 43%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 63%
Female cliche |||||||||||| 50%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by

Stability results were medium which suggests you are moderately relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

trait snapshot:
messy, disorganized, not rule conscious, rebellious, rash, weird, ambivalent about chaos, likes bizarre things, anti-authority, not good at saving money, not a perfectionist, leaves many things unfinished, low self control, strange, desires more attention, romantic daydreamer, abstract, impractical, unproductive, leisurely, likes the unknown

**the stuff in red, that's the one's i think more decribe me. the other stuff, that's just random bullshit.

the funny thing is, i took this test a few months ago, and the results showed i was more extroverted. all those years of being forced out of my shell, just to crawl back in at the first chance i get. HA.

i don't know why i feel so compelled to take these little quizzes, i mean, i'm already in my head, i know who i am. maybe it's some weird form of exhibitionism, that i feel this need to tell everyone who i am. maybe that's what this blog is. whatever.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

random memory: spontaneous combustion

...or, "that time i found out i was human".

January 2000. i woke up and ate the KFC leftover in my parents' refridgerator from the night before. i believe it was a leg. extra crispy, if you really want me to get specific (though i'm not sure why anyone would need to know). but a leg it was, nonetheless.

the chickie leg was then rejected by my digestive system. blech.

checked my temperature before i headed off for my morning community college classes. all was normal. i felt fine. where is this headed? why am i rehashing a lame story about urping up KFC over 5 years ago? well...

i got to the college, all a-tremble, checking myself for morals or any sign of responsibility. i realized i had very little of both, which made me nauseous all over again. what did i do, what did i do, what did i do.....ghaaa.

i caught my bestest friend, mandy, in the HUB and confided in her my panic over pizza and an espresso.

"You're not pregnant, Roy."

"But what if--"

"You're overreacting, Roy."

she offered to stop by Rite Aid with me anyway and buy me one of those EPT things (it is the Error Proof Test, after all), just to shut me up. just so i'd quit wigging out. this was to be a secret strictly between she and i.

getting off the city bus next to Rite Aid that afternoon, we were greeted by michelle. she would not leave. i didn't have the heart to tell her to scram, so she followed us to Rite Aid.

michelle: "Whatcha getting at Rite Aid?"

mandy: "Oh, just a PREGNANCY TEST for ROY."


this was to be a secret strictly between mandy and i...and michelle.

bought the EPT, in line i remember pointing to my tummy and whispering, "better not be anyone in there, you hear me??" this being the mutterings of one of the most childish, irresponsible 20 year old girls on the planet.

walking back to the city bus transit center to wait for the next load of busses, up drives rob. hi rob. join the party.

rob: "Where are you guys going?"

michelle: "Oh, JENNY'S going to take a PREGNANCY TEST."


so said adieu to mandy, and rob drives michelle and i to michelle's house. lock myself in the bathroom, and..well...yeah. michelle's parents were home, so i hear her telling them that i just had a stomach ache, while she and rob stood outside the bathroom door saying, "Well? Well? What happened?" i'm sure her parents were quite baffled.

i stared at the test for a few seconds. i had a minute or so to go, so i was hoping it would just change back. "Wait a minute, guys, i don't know yet."

but i knew. the test didn't change back, and of course i knew that it wouldn't. i trudged out of that bathroom, all i could do was laugh. that's all i could think of doing, my natural reaction to everything. i broke the news while michelle's parents were in earshot, and i didn't care. here, everyone, here's hard evidence of jenny's irresponsibility!

rob: "So, if you don't mind my did you get pregnant?"

there are no such things as stupid questions. only stupid people.

ready with a stupid answer, i searched in my head for the term 'immaculate conception' (which is, for those of you who don't know, that's saying God's my baby daddy), but my mind was completely full of other useless nonsense, like, "what am i gonna tell my parents? what am i gonna tell...uh...what's-his-name? am i ready for this? what makes the Teflon stick to the pan?"

me: "Spontaneous combustion."

close enough.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

i dyed

the ticking time bomb that was the jenny turned out to be a dud. i guess the irritability i was experiencing earlier was due to hunger. and possibly because my roots were showing (HA). so BOOM, fixed both problems and now i'm good to go. my hair is now...


and it smells hella good too. aaaaah, there's nothing like rinsing the dye out my hair afterward, opening my eyes and the shower looking like a murder scene. i've never seen a hair dye that looks more like blood. it was like i just slayed a Loreal monster.

jenny the time bomb

i'm at the point where my entire family is irritating me beyond belief. i'd love to say it's their fault, but it's probably just me. when someone talks to me, i automatically grit my teeth, because i know whatever it is will be something negative. my jaw hurts from it. that irritates me too. the TV irritates me. the phone irritates me. my own name being shouted across the house irritates me. my brother is talking to me at the same time as my son. that irritates me. now my mother. that's three people in my bedroom talking to me all at once. overload. go away. i'm going to scream.

what the fuck is wrong with me. where did my calm go. i blame the government. and courney love, just because i hate her so much.

now i'm about to go do the grocery shopping. at wal mart. i'm glad i don't own a gun.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

five years old

davey's birthday was today. had a quiet (well, it was supposed to be quiet) family party at the house. he got an obscene amount of toys, much of which i have already played with (yee haw) and good times were had by all. got him a new spiderman costume, since this little dude wears his old halloween spiderman costume almost every day, and it's gotten ripped, faded from washing, and is 2 sizes too small. his new one's got built-it muscles and fiberoptic lights. i caught him in front of the mirror wearing it and checking out his ass.

built him a badass cake. i'm no artist, let alone cake decorator, so it looked a little ghetto, but tasted flipping awesome all the same. and if you leave a comment criticizing my cake decorating skillz, i will find you and hurt you. i spelled 'birthday' wrong the first time, what the shit, haha, but at least i had the skillz to fix it. but not before being made fun of by my mother. thanks mom. no, really. thanks. i will now call it a "birthay" from now on, so maybe it'll look like i meant to do that. mmm hmm. i'll fool 'em all!

i have a freaking 5 year old! how utterly cool and frightening at the same time. i can vividly remember being 5 myself. i have a sneaking suspicion that my maturity level has not improved greatly since that age, considering "nyaa nyaa" and "poopyhead" are still words i use daily.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

when i die...

i want to be buried. none of this cremation shlock. i want to be stuck in the ground. in the creepiest looking cemetery possible. with old gravestones. and monuments. and crumbling statues. the whole nine yards. somewhere where my wicked awesome ghost will want to haunt for eternity. i want my headstone to wear away and chip, get old, so that when people walk by it in hundreds of years, they'll be like, "oh gawd, check this one out, it's so old!! look, it's from 2060..." yeah, i don't plan on dying soon, haha, but i just thought i'd have that written...somewhere, for the record.

ok, i know it's morbid. i just love old cemeteries. i went shopping with my brother today, and on the way we drove through a badass old cemetery, the kind with crazy monuments and there was a bunch of confederate soldiers stuck in there, pretty cool. all the more awesome while eating hot dog stand hot dogs with the rock station blasting (ok, maybe not so respectful, but what do they care, they're fucking dead). i had davey with me. i don't know if it's right to shout to a four year old (five on saturday), "hey, look sweetie, this is where all the dead bodies are buried," but hey, he's gotta learn sometime. earlier today, he said, "mommy, i wanna go feed the ducks and see the corpses!" my son slays the day.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

high school dream

had a weird dream last night, and for some reason, even after being awake for a few hours without writing it down, i still remember it pretty good, so here, i'll write it down for you lucky bastards before i forget it...

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

i was visiting at my old high school, at a drama class. not the same drama teacher as i had in high school but i saw him there, only he looked more like richard dreyfuss. this drama teacher i was visiting, she read my palm and then had me pass out papers or something, and i was like "wtf, i'm only visiting you, i aint part of the class" and she was like "but it's in your palm, you are my helper"

after that i roamed the halls, and instead of the ratty looking yellow paint from when i went there, there was carpet on the walls. there were little tv's at each corner playing a video that made it look like they were little fireplaces. and all the lockers were digital or something, all the students had little key cards. it was all high tech. i was jealous.

then the kids started going home, and i noticed all these wicked awesome cars parked in the field next to where the city busses parked, they were all "pimped out" or whatever, but i saw this awesome one, it was a hearse and it had a bed in the back, and i saw one of the kids just hop in it and go to sleep instead of going home, it was so weird.

then i guess i had to take the city bus home, but it was getting dark and i had a hard time finding the 26 bus (at least i think that's what bus it was) to take me to the transit center, there were like, 30 city busses parked outside the school, so somehow i ended up getting on an airplane.

:: end of dream sequence ::

i've had dreams like this before. well, the visiting high school and trying to find the bus part. and it's always the last bus of the day, so i'm always freaking out in the dreams that i'll be stranded. i have an irrational fear** of being stranded, maybe.

and i just saw the end of Mr. Holland's Opus the other day, so that accounts for the Richard Dreyfuss thing, he sorta reminds me of my old drama teacher anyway.

i just plain don't get the rest.

**speaking of irrational fears, i found a phobia list, and found out that i am Coulrophobic, which is the irrational fear of clowns. but i think the best phobia ever... is Zemmiphobia, which is "fear of the great mole rat".

Monday, July 11, 2005

random quizzes

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Forlorn Belly Dancer.

Where You Lived: Italy.

How You Died: Natural causes.

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent.
Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art.

You would make an excellent:

Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor
Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer
Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer
Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor

The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

Your Summer Anthem is Beverly Hills by Weezer

Where I come from isn't all that great
My automobile is a piece of crap
My fashion sense is a little whack
And my friends are just as screwy as me

Your weird, wacky summer will be better than any summer in the Hamptons!

Your Personality: INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

for endless entertainment...

go to The Advertising Slogan Generator, and either type in the word 'shit' or 'boner' and i promise you, if you have any sense of humor at all, you will laugh your ass off. i even tried it with my name and got some cool slogans, such as:
  • Life's pretty straight without Jenny.
  • How Many Licks Does it Take to Get to the Center of a Jenny?
  • Get Busy with the Jenny.
  • I Wish They All Could Be Jenny Girls.
  • Jenny: The Other White Meat.
but none of these are near as funny as:
  • Come See the Softer Side of Shit.
  • Gee, Your Shit Smells Terrific.
  • A Shit's Too Wet Without One.
  • A Boner That Likes to Say Yes.
  • Feel the Raw Naked Boner of the Road.
  • You Can Really Taste the Boner!
ghaaaahahaha...ok, i'm lame...

if any of you people come up with funnier ones, leave 'em in a COMMENT!

Friday, July 08, 2005

my car, and my badass stickers

so i bought a car yesterday

and was inspired to try my hand at a second round of bumper sticker making. if you want to see the few i made the first time around, CLICK HERE. if you want to make your own badass stickers, go HERE. ok, well, here they are...

aliens love to probe:

this one is ode to mnftiu!...

and this last one i want to slap on the redneck neighbor's pickup truck one night...

Monday, July 04, 2005

fireworks...and eddie money

went to the park to watch the fireworks tonight. very awesome indeed. when we got to the park, though, i notice a little sign with marker writing that said, "EDDIE MONEY, LIVE IN SHERANDO PARK, 4TH OF JULY!!" what the...

yes, people. eddie money. playing in this tiny hick town. eddie money! known for such hits as Take Me Home Tonight Me Home Tonight! haha. ok, i admit i've never been a fan. but that song brings back some memories. mostly of going to the carpet store with my best friend's family when i was 7. but still, it's a memory.

i watched the concert with my mom, who was even kind of excited about it. "Ooooh, Take Me Home Tonight..." yup, mom. that's the guy. but i couldn't help bad does this dude's career have to play a free a little redneck a park...while people are waiting around to see fireworks...

but honestly, i enjoyed it. the guy cracked me up, because i think he yelled more to the crowd than actually sang, and he just started barking out some gibberish in the middle of one of his songs. plus, the chick singing part in Take Me Home Tonight...that was sang by his daughter. and she even sang a song by herself. she had one hell of a voice.

the actual fireworks slayed the day, too. but i think anything would impress me after seeing the redneck neighbors just tossing a bunch of firecrackers in a trash can and lighting it up. BOOM.

and we even waved sparklers around when we got home...only we call them "cigarettes."

hostage & comet

i watched Hostage last night. i only really watched it because of bruce willis. or more importantly, to see bruce willis looking all anguished. ghaaaa, yes, i'm a freak. normally this isn't the sort of movie i watch, but for what it was, it was a great movie. the only thing that bothered me was the very beginning, because for one, a kid dies. that always bothers me because i immediately think of davey. i don't think i spoiled the movie by saying that, since it's at the freaking beginning and i like to be warned that something like that's going to happen right off so i'm not freaked out and have to run out of the room to check on davey. the second thing that bothered me about the beginning was bruce willis's freaking beard. yuck, man. the dude is hot, but not with that nasty hobo beard, no way. but no worries (because i know everyone was SO worried), it's gone for the rest of the movie.

on a different note, i did stop the movie partway through to hop outside to see if i could see a comet getting it's ass kicked. it was overcast here up til a little after 2am, then the clouds magically parted and BOOM. either i saw a UFO, or it was a comet getting it's ass kicked. or it was a high flying firefly, haha. i wasn't sure exactly what the fuck it was supposed to look like, so who knows. but it made me happy enough to do a jig on the front porch. yes, sometimes i jig. get over it.

and YAY i'll see some kickass fireworks at the park tonight. so HAPPY 4th, EVERYBODY. and because nothing says "independence" like fire and a giant phallic shaped building...

Friday, July 01, 2005

why yes. yes i am.

You are a strange dream.
What kind of dream are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

"hardly ever bored"?? pshhh. FUNK DAT!