I'm awake when I shouldn't be. I have to take the kids to the dentist in the morning and then work in the evening. It's 3:30am. All I'm doing is reading news articles, taking online quizzes to see what mental disorder I might have (tonight it's BPD), listening to sad piano music and feeling mopey. I'm afraid of having another of those Supernightmares tonight. It wasn't horror movie terrifying. It played off my emotions. I was a disaster this morning. I ached in my chest. My heart had taken a beating (no pun intended) all fucking night.
I feel stupid and fragile. I'd like to just not give a fuck. I'd like to sleep soundly and wake up normal. I want the dreams back that used to play out happy fantasies.
On another note, I found out this evening that my grandpa is dying. Probably quite soon. I haven't seen him in something like 12 years. It makes me feel shitty.