Thoughts, Nonsense, Neurosis, Boom

Monday, May 06, 2013

A dark patch on a rainy day.

Today, I am void of emotion. I have no energy, no will to do anything. I don't want to be awake. I don't want to go to sleep. I don't want to be. I don't want to...not be. I don't know. Everything feels wrong today. It's like a dream, where I'm standing in a fog and feeling uneasy, not knowing if it's supposed to be a nightmare. Maybe a drink will help me feel something, jump start my soul. I feel like a shell, a husk. A...husky husk. Oh, that was mildly funny.

Nothing I write feels sincere enough. This is the way I am today, in the words that I know, but the words that accurately describe my mind today have not been invented. I will read this tomorrow and it will seem like a lie. Like a melodramatic whine. I write these things down because I want to let myself know how bad it can feel. Because when I'm feeling good, I can't remember what bad feels like. When I actually have the energy and will to do something about it, I block it out and my mind pretends that everything's fine. Reading these words once I bounce out of a dark patch, they don't describe it well enough. I'll think, I couldn't have been feeling THAT down, I was just being silly.

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