Thoughts, Nonsense, Neurosis, Boom

Wednesday, February 04, 2015

Selfish. And bored. And eating soup.

I can't seem to be overly passionate about issues. I have opinions, sure. I just don't have the energy or care enough about something to argue about them tirelessly with other people online, as I see friends of mine doing constantly on Facebook. Maybe I'm selfish. Yeah, I probably am. I like to conserve my energy. Think about things that don't piss me off. Not talk to other human beings so often. That sort of thing.

I don't even want to be someone who argues an issue. I can't stand being in a conversation with someone who's going on and on about something when I'm just trying to chill and muck about in my own life. Maybe I just haven't found the right issue. I dunno. It's not as if I don't want the world to be a better place. But I want my world to be a better place, and that involves everyone shutting the hell up.

Yeah, I'm selfish. I've gotten to the point where admitting to that doesn't even make me feel ashamed. I'm a good person, on the whole, dammit. I'm just a very jaded, indifferent good person. Who can't stand 99% of the human race.

I'm bored. Now that's out of my head (I've just gone blank-eyed staring at all the well-meaning but mind-numbing debate via Facebook comments), I have nothing. Is this something wrong with me? I used to feel that my mind was this endless abyss full of dark and delicious thoughts, repressed dreams coming unearthed at odd moments, sending me into a spin of emotion. I was a small vessel containing infinite universes. Now my head sometimes feels like so much wasted space. Blank. Dead. I can't believe I've had enough words floating around in there to write this much.

But, I suppose that's all.