Thoughts, Nonsense, Neurosis, Boom

Sunday, July 23, 2006

couch and other things

I GOT A COUCH!! friggin finally, i have a place to sit comfortably in the living room and watch movies. it's a second-hand one from the thrift store (only $75) but it's hella awesome. i mean, nearly everything else in my living room is second-hand, so it fits right in. BOOM.

wow, i guess i haven't posted in awhile, so hmm, so what else is going on with me..

davey turned 6 last week. we had a party for him up at my parents' house (since i didn't have a couch yet, there really wasn't room for people to chill at my house). he got a wicked telescope which i'm still trying to align and figure out how to use properly, so i can show davey how to use it. i feel like a tard. since it's a kid's telescope, i should have it figured out by now. but i havn't, so ah well.

i've been on anti-depressants for two weeks now and think i might be feeling a difference. my mom claims she sees a big improvement, so i guess that says something. i was told it could take up to four weeks to feel all the effects, so i guess i'll let myself get used to it. i haven't had any crying spells, and i've been wanting to get out and do things again, so i guess it's good times for me. now all i need is a job.

i've started these sort of job classes that i'm required to take because i am getting money from the state. i used to think that getting money like that was stupid, that i was too good to recieve handouts. but the handouts are there and available for the people that need them and dammit, i need them right now. i'm looking a lot harder for a job now, one that i WANT and one that i won't feel like i'm lowering myself for. never will i work for a fast food joint or any of that shiznit. i can find a better job than that and i will.

so anyways, these job classes, i thought i would hate them and they'd be completely useless. but no, i actually sort of like going because i get a lot further in my job search this way and receive a lot of help finding leads. not to mention the resources they have there. it's a huge problem that i can't get my printer to work with this old laptop i have, but i can print resumes and cover letters there at class. they even have the neato fancy resume paper. good times. it's insane that i've gone this long without work, but i think i'll find one in the next few weeks, at the rate i'm going.

i had a crazy stupid nightmare last night...

:: jenny's nightmare sequence ::

in my dream, charlie died. i was told he killed himself. his ghost was haunting downtown harrisonburg. i was in my car and saw him driving around, but he was all see-through, and his car was a ghost, too. i saw his bumper stickers (the save-the-earth type one and the one that says The Little Grill) and started crying, but then he disappeared. so i started frantically searching for his ghost everywhere. i finally found his ghost at the library, in the video section. he didn't say a word, he just stood there looking at me. then some dude behind me asked me for directions to somewhere and when i turned back around, charlie's ghost was gone. so i told this guy that i would show him where this place was (i think it was some sort of bar), got in my car and let him follow me. but i got lost because downtown harrisonburg was suddenly huge, like 4 times as big.

:: end of nightmare sequence ::


i'm still weirded out by that one, and probably will be until charlie calls. i woke up all upset and disoriented.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

morbid

i've been thinking about death lately, ever since i got the booklet from my health plan. there's a section about living wills and such and whether or not you have or plan to make one. and i thought about this. everyone thinks they have all this time to do things like that, but no one really knows how much time they have. i realize i'm young and (hopefully) will not have to worry about this for a long time, but in the off chance that something happens to me, i want to spell things out now and have things my way. because that's how i like things. my way.

just thinking beyond the living will (i still haven't decided to do this yet, as it would require talking to my family about it and that just seems weird right now), i'm already planning out where i want to be buried, which is just morbid. somewhere in the shenandoah valley, preferably harrisonburg because that's where i live and that's where some of my family is buried. a cemetery that has the big kind of headstones (not the flat kind that you can just mow over, which is the case in the cemetery my family uses). and under a willow tree. i like willow trees. i remember when i visited my nanny and pawpaw when i was little, i would get so excited when i saw the willow tree, because that means we were there. if there's no willow tree in the cemetery in the first place, i want one planted.



but in the case of the living will itself, that will take much more thought. it's one thing to plan out things that happen to my body after death, but another thing entirely to decide what should happen to me while i'm still alive and unable to have a say-so. i think if i were brain dead and hooked up to machines, i would want to be unplugged. it gives people false hope and it's expensive to leave someone hooked up like that when it's hopeless. and rather than waste the money on keeping my body alive, it would be nice to have a kickass grave stone and a little iron fence around it (and the tree) instead. plus, there's still the possibility of an afterlife. if the only thing keeping me from moving on was a stupid machine, i think i might be more than a little pissed.

things to think about i guess. i can always make one now and change it later, if i ever change my mind. it's just a weird subject to bring up around family, though. but there's no getting around talking to them about it if i decide to do this.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

my fourth

drove up to stephens city to watch the fireworks and such with davey and charlie, since i heard the fireworks here in harrisonburg suck. it was hella cool. like last year, they had some big musical act that hasn't been popular in 20 years of more. but it was worth driving the hour there, i suppose. plus i showed charlie the wicked cemetary in winchester and we walked around downtown. although EVERYTHING was closed, it was like a ghost town. so eerie, so weird.

speaking of ghosts, i'm all bummed because i couldn't find the haunted store in downtown winchester. i've been in there once, before i saw it on the haunted listings, and haven't been in there since. but now it seems that it's gone. i mean, if it really was haunted, i'm sure the ghost didn't go anywhere, i just don't know what it's called now. shucks. phooey. NUTS.

i think i'm gonna curl up with some pizza and watch something utterly girly. like Dirty Dancng. it's not often that i watch stuff like that, and as i say that i'm changing my mind. maybe i'll watch One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest or something that'll hold my attention a little better. i dunno, but i'm certain i want some pizza. with sausage and onions and peppers. YUM, I EAT IT!

that's the title of the children's cookbook i had when i was young...that i still use. "YUM I EAT IT" i always thought it sounded funny.