yet when i think about it...i mean picture it...it's slightly terrifying. i don't like people. i don't like being alone. this is a dilemma. i know i have davey, so i'm not technically alone, and he's good company. but when it's just he and i, and especially when he's acting up, i feel more alone than when it's just me. maybe i'm mildly autophobic? i dunno.
ok, enough of my trite problems...
no, fuck it, i started bitching, i think i should finish.
worked today. i'm a cashier, so i was doing my cashiering and answering phones and miscellaneous other little whatnot. i don't like working, but normally i can deal. maybe today was just a bad day for me, though. i dunno. i hope it was a fluke. the store was somewhat busy, but not too bad. i, on the other hand, was flipping. i tried not to show it, but on the inside, i was wigging out. my heart sped up. i was breathing heavier. i could think of nothing but getting outside and having a cigarette. i had my cigarette, settled down a smidge, but the second i stepped back through the door, i was back to wigging.
WTF?? what's wrong with me, has my claustrophobia really gotten that bad? pacing around behind the register, i felt like a caged animal, for serious. i mean, i've had this phobia for as long as i can remember, but it's the only irrational fear that seems to be getting worse rather than fading away...or lessening. it's surpassed my fear of spiders. this scares me...dammit! now i have an irrational fear of my phobias! i'm phobaphobic.
ghaa, i think i just need a cigarette. and some coffee. and some tunes...
and $100,000,000.
well, i can't end yet another post on a sour note, so here's some awesomeness from exploding dog for your entertainment:
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