not going back

i called in sick to work today. why do i feel guilty, i'm planning on quitting! FUCK. i don't care whether or not they can find someone to work my shift. i don't care if they think i'm lying when i said i can't work like this. i can't. every time i think of that store now, my stomach hurts and i get nauseous. it's not that i'm lazy...ok, maybe i am a little bit, but not that lazy. i'm willing to work, it's just, i don't see the point in making myself sick over something that's not even making me enough money. there's no way i can move out with the skimpy hours and lousy pay i'm getting there. i'm ready to quit. i'm not going back.

when i hear, "jenny, now i want to stress the importance of attendance. if this becomes a problem..." i know they're trying to cover their asses but i hate it. the store SUCKS. i can't FUNCTION when my stomach is in KNOTS and i HATE being talked to like i'm 10 years old! things happen, people get sick, and i doubt he'd want me there if all i was doing was curling up in a ball in the break room and crying. i highly doubt i'd even be able to bring myself to leave my car if i tried going in today.

it's funny, i was thinking last night, "what's a good excuse to use if i decide to call in sick tomorrow, one where i'm not technically lying..." because i detest lies, they're yucky and they follow you around. well, at least now i have a real excuse...

but DAMN my STOMACH, it FUCKING HURTS.

i felt so normal before i started this job, i just want that back. i don't want to see a doctor, because the doctor will find something wrong. i don't want anything wrong. i know i sound naive, so spare me the criticism. i just want to be happy. i want sunshine, rainbows and butterflies again.