the drama of redneck neighbors

feeling better. already. so is davey. i don't understand what the deal is, it was like a 12 hour flu, i dunno. i hate sickness. oh yes, i do hate it.

so anyways, i was just out throwing a ball around in the backyard with davey and my mom and i heard the neighbor about 4 doors down swearing at someone, all, "you shut the fuck up, get your fucking ass out here, open the fucking door bitch." this is a house where preschool age children live. we looked down the yards and saw he was sitting there on their kids' swings or whatever. when he got up, i noticed it was the flubby redneck dude that apparently does not own a shirt.

then the dude dropped trou right there, in the yard, then pulled them back up. my mom told me this, since i had my back to him, and turned around to see him pulling his shorts back up over his pastey redneck ass.

what the FUCK, dude, is it so hard to act like a normal human being?

everytime i see him he is without a shirt with his beer gut hanging out, wearing some stank-ass looking cutoff jean shorts and swearing like a retard in front of the neighborhood kids. and they park their ratty looking pickup truck in their yard. ghaaaa.

I HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE.

i spoke too soon

ok, so davey's sickness wasn't as short-lived as i thought. his fever came back full force at around 5am, and the poor little dude went to the most comfortable puking-grounds he could find. my bed.

eeeeeeeew.

it's so hard not to scream at moments like that, waking up to a red faced little boy barfing up chocolate cake onto the sheets next to me. but of course i couldn't be mad. disgusted, yes. but not mad. sleep deprived, yes. but no, not mad.

now i have a bit of a fever, i'm hella tired and i feel like crap, and i could be mad about that, too, but...*supressing...rage* i'm not. so thank you, davey, thank you for spreading the love.

...

FUUUUUUUUUUCK...

soylent green is people

...well, it is. it has nothing to do with this post though, so nyaaaaa.

my aunt and grandma (who everyone calls Nanny) just left a few minutes ago. whew. i love them, but so much "family time" wears me down. but it was a nice little memorial day get together anyway:

• i've been having the most awesome BBQ sammiches all day long. i'm convinced, though, that nanny somehow slipped some laxatives in it when she was making it. ugh.

• davey had a brief bout of illness. he was bouncing around and hyperactive one minute, then the next he was curled up on the floor in the fetal position with a fever of near 101. two hours later, he was back to bouncing around again. wish my illnesses were as brief.

• i fought the chocolate cake and the chocolate cake won.

• had 7 people crammed into a tiny living room playing the 20Q electronic handheld game.

• had to make up new and exiting excuses to slip outside to have a cigarette so nanny wouldn't catch on that any of us smoke. at one point my brother said "well, time to go mow the lawn," and i followed with, "i guess i'll do the weedeating." it was raining at the time.

• my brother and i astounded the rest of the family with our utter stupidity when we confessed that we thought that an emu was some type of llama. we be SMART.

but in general, good times were had by all.

cleaning day.

aaaah, feels good to take a break from cleaning and doing laundry like a rabbit on crack, to just sit down at my Lemon Pledge scented desk and blog mindlessly. how very domestic of me. HA! but only because my aunt and grandma are coming up for a memorial day visit tomorrow, and it would be a shame to see them attacked by dust bunnies.

well, actually that could be rather entertaining.

lights in the sky!!

OMG i just saw some crazy lights in the sky while i was out smoking a cigarette! they were moving around and all different colors, some of them were in formation, like in circles or ovals. i tried snapping some photos, but they would always disappear right before i snapped a picture. DISAPPEARED, I TELL YOU! WHAT KIND OF INSANITY IS THAT?!!!

haha, so yeah, i was watching some crazy amazing fireworks from the front porch. and i managed to take about 4 pictures of a whole lotta nuthin. it's a funny coincidence, though, that right before i went outside, i was listening to the song 'Just Watch the Fireworks' by Jimmy Eat World. what a funny world!

my amazingly fascinating life

i think my cold's all done kicking my ass. at least for the moment. YAY. the past few days have been a blur, like i've been moving around in a big cloud. but it's cool, cause now i can get back to slaying the day, instead of blowing the nose.

but if i have to hear Pooh's Heffalump Movie one more time, i just might jab an icepick into my ear.

i did get to go to the doctor yesterday, only it wasn't for me, it was davey's physical for kindergarten. he adores going to the doctor and i so don't get it. he didn't wince or anything when they took blood from his finger, actually he looked slightly amused. i remember when i was maybe 8 or 9, a nurse tried to take blood from me and she had to call someone in to hold me down cause i flipped out. i'm glad davey's not such a freak like me.

ok, i don't have much more to say right now, since all i've been doing today is spacing out, eating cereal and watching Napoleon Dynamite for the zillionth time.



yeah...i'm that bored.

karate snoopy

*CLICK PICTURE TO ENLARGE*

my cold is kicking my ass. so here's a kickass cartoon from mnftiu for y'all, so i don't have to think of something to write. blah.

three things...

i saw this over at simply complicated and thought it looked fun, so i stole it...

THREE NAMES THAT YOU GO BY:
1. Jenny
2. Roy (given to me by mandy, my bestest friend)
3. Gwyn (given to me by this crackhead in the Denny's parking lot)

THREE S\N'S THAT YOU'VE HAD:
1. cyberhaze4
2. indierockgrl42
3. word_temple

THREE THINGS THAT YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR SELF:
1. my weird sense of humor that nobody gets
2. my eyes
3. my awesome phantom whistle with vibrato. BOOM!

THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my mouth
2. my weight
3. shyness

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. German
2. Irish
3. Dutch

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. spiders
2. death
3. being alone

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. cigarettes
2. coffee
3. tunes

THREE THINGS THAT YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. my awesome $5 Space Ghost shirt
2. men's mossimo camo cargo pants 'cause it's laundry day
3. headphones

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
1. Jimmy Eat World
2. The Smiths
3. The Doors

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Crush - Jimmy Eat World
2. There is a Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths
3. Like a Stone - Audioslave
**fav songs change almost daily

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. writing an entire short story for the first time in years
2. moving back out of my parents house
3. color contacts

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (besides love):
1. laughs & good times
2. understanding/honesty
3. um...wicked awesome sex.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. i wear contacts
2. i have $20 and a lighter in my pocket
3. i am the walrus, goo goo ga joob.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. eyes
2. um....
3. ...dammit, the best things aren't physical.

THREE THINGS THAT TURN YOU OFF:
1. power trips
2. lying
3. incredibly bad hygeine

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. quit writing
2. find god
3. wiggle my ears

THREE THINGS THAT YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW!:
1. get over my cold
2. see Revenge of the Sith
3. um....hehe *nudge nudge wink wink*

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. writer
2. ghost hunter (haha, and totally be on TV)
3. mom (even though i am already, i couldn't think of anything else)

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO TO ON VACATION:
1. anyplace haunted
2. anyplace fun
3. Tri-Cities, WA to visit old friends

THREE KID'S NICKNAMES FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD:
1. Juniper Raye
2. Jupiter
3. Juicyfruit

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. find my other half
2. write a novel (a good one) and get it published
3. see my son become a rock star...or whatever he decides to be

ghosts, dreams, and dik diks

dammit, my recorder didn't pick up anything from my "haunting" but 31 seconds of me typing, and what sounded like loud breathing at one point but that could have possibly been me yawning, even though i don't remember yawning, as i was trying to make as little sound as possible. but that doesn't take away from the fact that i saw something creepy last night (see last post). i think i'll take Daniel's advice and keep a camera handy, because i need some sort of proof that i'm not flipping out. i swear i'm not, though.

i must have been thinking of the movie The Entity before i fell asleep last night, because i can't post my own dream now since it was too explicit. *blush* that one's not leaving the inside of my brain. ever. but my mom told me her dream when she woke up so here it is:

mom: i had a nightmare last night!
me: what was it?
mom: well, i dreamt that i was getting new glasses, but the girl wouldn't give me my glasses for some reason, so she made me go to the eye doctor, but they couldn't do an eye exam because i had some kind of eye infection. i was all mad because i couldn't wear my glasses, so when i got home i was mad and slamming doors. the scary part was that your dad looked like Frohike [pronounced 'fro-hickey,' from the X Files, pictured below].

---

well, anyway, did i promise to tell the dik dik story in my last post...ah, yup, i did.

first off, i'd like to say right now that the 20Q (twenty questions) electronic handheld game is the coolest electronic handheld game ever. my mom and i were playing it last night, and of course we had to think of dirty things for it to guess what it was. first item? boob. it asked the ususal questions, had us laughing, then asked, "are you thinking of a dik dik?"

what the fuck is a dik dik??

when i looked it up in google images much later (and during my "haunting") this is what came up:

sweeeet.

also, we tried to get this uber awesome game to guess "vagina." it asked questions like "is it used for recreation?" and "do you put something into it?" great stuff, really, we were sure it would never get it, then after the 20 questions were up, it asked, "are you thinking of puss?"

the coffee came out through my nose. ghaaaaaahahaha.

i love this game.

the haunting continues...

ok, i'm determined to get some EVPs this time, i don't really care if the recorder picks up the sound of me typing right now. this happened about 2 minutes ago.

i was sitting here, chillin to my music, looking up on google to see what the hell a dik dik is (and i'll explain that in the next post, i promise) when i saw a light on the wall out of the corner of my eye. i thought it was one of those little floaty things in my eyes, dust or something, but when i looked up it was still there. sort of the way it looks when the sun is reflected of your watch onto something. it moved like that, kind of jerky and a couple seconds later it was gone.

i am not wearing a watch. there is nothing moving in my room like that, plus what the hell would it be reflecting off of? my laptop screen? i think not, this was brighter than my laptop. i'm trying hard not to freak out. really. i know i have an overactive imagination. i don't even want to imagine what my recorder might be picking up right now, and so i probably won't listen to it til morning.

that's it...now if you'll excuse me, i've got some covers to pull over my head.

hedwig & the angry inch

this is not a new movie, even to me. it is, however, my favorite movie of all time and i've just realized i've never done one of my movie reviews on it. and it deserves one, really. for something to bump Tommy out of first place for My Favorite Rock Musical, it's gotta slay. it's funny, campy, emotional, rocking, and fucking wicked awesome.

this is not a movie for those that are really uncomfortable with homosexuality. i've watched it with girls and dudes, and more often than not, the dudes freaked out. so for those of you that are not comfortable with this type of thing, i suggest you don't see the movie until you get over your irrational fear of the unknown. here's the gist quoted from IMDB:

Hedwig, born a boy named Hansel in East Berlin, fell in love with an American G.I. and underwent a sex-change operation in order to marry him and flee to the West. Unfortunately, nothing worked out quite as it was supposed to - years later, Hedwig is leading her rock band on a tour of the U.S., telling her life story through a series of concerts at Bilgewater Inn seafood restaurants. Her tour dates coincide with those of arena-rock star Tommy Gnosis, a wide-eyed boy who once loved Hedwig... but then left with all her songs.

i heard one of the songs from the soundtrack (Origin of Love) before i even saw the movie, and already i was blown away. the songwriting is amazing. the lyrics are incredible. the entire soundtrack is this way, and now i find myself not able to go out anymore without bringing the soundtrack CD along with me. i adore John Cameron Mitchell's voice, it's not your usual rock sounding vocals. i think i'll slip one of the songs into my radio.blog so you can hear for yourself, and save myself the trouble of trying to describe it. here are the lyrics for it:

ORIGIN OF LOVE

When the earth was still flat,
And the clouds made of fire,
And mountains stretched up to the sky,
Sometimes higher,
Folks roamed the earth
Like big rolling kegs.
They had two sets of arms.
They had two sets of legs.
They had two faces peering
Out of one giant head
So they could watch all around them
As they talked; while they read.
And they never knew nothing of love.
It was before the origin of love.

The origin of love

And there were three sexes then,
One that looked like two men
Glued up back to back,
Called the children of the sun.
And similar in shape and girth
Were the children of the earth.
They looked like two girls
Rolled up in one.
And the children of the moon
Looked like a fork shoved on a spoon.
They was part sun, part earth,
Part daughter, part son.

The origin of love.

Now the gods grew quite scared
Of our strength and defiance
And Thor said,
"I'm gonna kill them all
With my hammer,
Like I killed the giants."
But the Zeus said, "No,
You better let me
Use my lightning, like scissors,
Like I cut the legs off the whales
And dinosaurs into lizards."
Then he grabbed up some bolts
And he let out a laugh,
Said, "I'll split them right down the middle.
Gonna cut them right up in half."
And then storm clouds gathered above
Into great balls of fire

And then fire shot down
From the sky in bolts
Like shining blades
Of a knife.
And it ripped
Right through the flesh
Of the children of the sun
And the moon
And the earth.
And some Indian god
Sewed the wound up into a hole,
Pulled it round to our belly
To remind us of the price we pay.
And Osiris and the gods of the Nile
Gathered up a big storm
To blow a hurricane,
To scatter us away,
In a flood of wind and rain,
And a sea of tidal waves,
To wash us all away,
And if we don't behave
They'll cut us down again
And we'll be hopping around on one foot
And looking through one eye.

Last time I saw you
We had just split in two.
You was looking at me.
I was looking at you.
You had a way so familiar,
But I could not recognize,
Cause you had blood on your face;
I had blood in my eyes.
But I could swear by your expression
That the pain down in your soul
Was the same as the one down in mine.
That's the pain,
Cuts a straight line
Down through the heart,
We called it love.
So we wrapped our arms around each other,
Trying to shove ourselves back together.
We was making love,
Making love.
It was a cold dark evening,
Such a long time ago,
When by the mighty hand of Jove,
It was the sad story
How we became
Lonely two-legged creatures,
It's the story of
The origin of love.
That's the origin of love.

long song, but tells an awesome story, and...well, fuck, just listen to it, it slays the day.

---

on another note, and this is way overdue, but i thought i'd do a tribute to my cousin's dead hamster, Oreo. therefore, i am putting Heavy Metal Hamsters by Helloween onto my radio.blog.

davey's dream

ugh. i'm not sure whether i have a stomach flu or if i'm just not eating enough, but ugh.

i was going to write out my dream when i woke up this morning because it was really big and vivid. but that was this morning, and now i can't even remember a shred of it. however, i was just talking to davey while we were eating macaroni, and he told me his dream.

davey: mommy...i had a dream.
me: oh really? what was your dream?
davey: i dreamed i was hiding in a country house. and i lit a country house on fire...i have good dreams.
me: *blink*

american history x

i watched American History X last night. whoa, that was good. i mean, most movies with Edward Norton rock my socks, but this was so much better than i thought it would be. i will now trust dani when she tells me something is "my kind of movie." this from a chick that introduced me to such awesomeness as dancer in the dark and hair, i should've known i'd adore this movie.

and since i can't seem to think of something more intelligent than the review on amazon, i'll quote it:

Perhaps the highest compliment you can pay to Edward Norton is that his Oscar-nominated performance in American History X nearly convinces you that there is a shred of logic in the tenets of white supremacy. If that statement doesn't horrify you, it should; Norton is so fully immersed in his role as a neo-Nazi skinhead that his character's eloquent defense of racism is disturbingly persuasive--at least on the surface. Looking lean and mean with a swastika tattoo and a mind full of hate, Derek Vinyard (Norton) has inherited racism from his father, and that learning has been intensified through his service to Cameron (Stacy Keach), a grown-up thug playing tyrant and teacher to a growing band of disenfranchised teens from Venice Beach, California, all hungry for an ideology that fuels their brooding alienation.

The film's basic message--that hate is learned and can be unlearned--is expressed through Derek's kid brother, Danny (Edward Furlong), whose sibling hero-worship increases after Derek is imprisoned (or, in Danny's mind, martyred) for the killing of two black men. Lacking Derek's gift of rebel rhetoric, Danny is easily swayed into the violent, hateful lifestyle that Derek disowns during his thoughtful time in prison. Once released, Derek struggles to save his brother from a violent fate, and American History X partially suffers from a mix of intense emotions, awkward sentiment, and predictably inevitable plotting. And yet British director Tony Kaye (who would later protest against Norton's creative intervention during post-production) manages to juggle these qualities--and a compelling clash of visual styles--to considerable effect. No matter how strained their collaboration may have been, both Kaye and Norton can be proud to have created a film that addresses the issue of racism with dramatically forceful impact.

very awesome. plus it's got plenty of edward-norton-in-the-shower-scenes, though one of those scenes is rather disturbing. after the movie i just turned off the TV and stared at the wall in the dark. it probably didn't help that i was drowsy from allergy medication. it took awhile for it all to sink in.

---

on another note, i've had the same Primus song stuck in my head for days, so i added it to my radio.blog, that way i can get it stuck in everyone else's head. so go have a listen, it's infectious.

jenny's antisocial behavior

i have this problem. i always wonder what people are thinking. i know this is something everyone does, probably every day, but i do it all the time. i stop and stare while people are talking and wonder "what are they really thinking? is it the same thing that is coming out of their mouth?" and then i wonder, "maybe they're really just talking to themselves and they need me there to keep up appearances that they're normal." i know i've caught myself doing that sometimes. it really confuses people.

and then i think, "what the hell did they just say, i was too busy wondering what they were thinking!" i get self conscious because, did it really look like i was listening or was i staring at them like a zombie? did they ask me a question and i didn't hear? aaagh, gawd!

and then i think "maybe they're wondering what i'm thinking? oh, crap, i hope not."

this is normally when i walk away.

i had this sort of conversation with the neighbor the other day. i have next to nothing in common with her, but our kids play together, and i think davey is in love with her daughter. i listened to her talking about the grass and sod and the kids' new toy lightsabers and blah blah blah....what is she thinking?

BOOM, i was lost in my head. i guess you could call it daydreaming. it's like when you go to bed and start to drift off to sleep. you start off thinking about normal things, then the thoughts veer off into random weird stuff. i felt myself smiling and nodding, but honestly i don't recall anything she said for about 3 minutes. until she said "...smelled like urine and vomit. snakes only poop once every few weeks."

what the fuck??

i snapped back to reality, but for the life of me, i can't tell you what led up to that. so instead of trying to continue the conversation, i said, "WELL...that's revolting..." and walked away.

the sad part? now i'm still trying to figure out how a conversation about lightsabers led up to snake poop. it just boggles the mind.

the entity

HA! while everyone else is talking about the new star wars movie (sniffle), here i am, sitting at home, watching old horror flicks. but, aaaww, yeah, i just watched a badass movie. i know it's kinda old, but i just saw The Entity and it slayed ASS. i mean, i've always liked the horror movies from the late 70's/early 80's anyway, but this one rocked. here's the jist of it, quoted from amazon:

Carla Moran awakens one night to find herself being assaulted by an unseen presence. Terrified of what's happening to her, and shunned by friends and family who think she's lost her mind, she seeks help from parapsychologists. The researchers soon discover that evil spiritual force has been drawn to Carla and is responsible for the violent attacks. The question now, however, is how do they stop it? Based on a true story.

violent attacks?? she was raped. my mom was dying for me to see this movie and now i know what all her fuss was about, although this was the first time my mom had seen the complete unedited version (not on network TV).

it wasn't the scariest movie i've ever seen, and for some reason, some of the rape scenes made me laugh (that sounds horrible, i know). there's a few parts that show her boobs actually being squished around by the ghost or demon or whatever the hell it was. she's just laying there all nakies and then POKE POKE go the boobies. hella. plus, when they played the "creepy" music during the attacks, my brother and i waved our fists in the air like we were at a metal show. ROCK!

and the final (well, really the only thing) the entity dude says to her made it an awesome end to the movie. if you've seen the movie, you'll know what i mean. if you haven't seen the movie...well, watch it dammit! geeeez, how freakish to just being laying there in your own bed and all the sudden you're getting it on with a ghost. unless it was the ghost of jim morrison, of course. then i'd be like BRING IT!

i just saw on IMDB that there is a remake of this movie coming out next year. will they find a way to ruin it? who knows.

on another note, it's a little embarrassing hearing your own mother growling like a demon in front of the neighbors and talking about butt rape. buuuuut...i'm not going to get into that right now. haha.

i am disturbed.

What Your Dreams Mean...

Your dreams seem to show that you're a bit disturbed... but nothing serious. You may have a problem you're trying to work out in your sleep. You tend to be a very productive thinker. Your dreams tend to reflect your insecurities. You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind. You secretly want to hide your dreams from your waking mind.

What Do Your Dreams Mean?

the vocabulary lesson

funny conversation today with davey, my 4 year old son:

(i was writing words for him to read)

Me: (scribble scribble) what's that say?
Davey: CAT!
Me: YAY! ok, (scribble scribble) how bout that?
Davey: FOX!
Me: good job! (scribble scribble) and that?
Davey: MOTHER!
Me: you're right!
Davey: Mommy, can you write the word "surreal"?
Me: *blink*


kids are so underestimated.

the wal mart monkeys & star wars

not sure why, but the cart return inside wal mart always sounds like there's monkeys in it. actually, in every wal mart i've ever been to. why is that?

i broke down and bought the davey a lightsaber, even though technically he's never really seen any of the movies. that's the awesome power of advertising, i guess. star wars pop tart boxes, star wars cereal, star wars m&m's, star wars commercials, and on and on and on.

plus the kids next door both had their lightsabers out yesterday, so i knew it was only a matter of time. my mom (who i like to call Flipper) even got a turn at it for a while, haha. Darth Flipper.

and YAY!! White Noise came out today on DVD, so of course i already have it, plus a few others that have been on my "to watch" list forever. good times, i get to do more movie reviews. it's been awhile since i've really sat down and watched a movie, i've been watching x files reruns for so long!





AND I TOTALLY GOT A BADASS SPACE GHOST SHIRT.
---->

not much to say

so here is some wicked awesome photos for you all to enjoy.

checklist

i took this from mandy's livejournal, who i would link to had she not made her journal "friends only."

i've...
(x) smoked a cigarette
(x) smoked a cigar
(x) made out with a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
( ) been in love
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted (once when i was 9, a troll doll from the pharmacy)
( ) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight (drunk and playing Fight Club on the balcony)
(x) snuck out of your parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back (David Duchovny, why won't you love me?? haha)
( ) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) skipped class everyday
(x) slept with a co-worker
( ) seen someone die
( ) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) thrown up in a bar (at parties, and bus stops, at Denny's, but not a bar)
(x) purposely set a part of yourself on fire (but just a few strands of hair)
(x) eaten Sushi (yuck)
( ) been snowboarding
(x) met someone in person that you met online
(x) been moshing at a concert
(x) been in an abusive relationship (more of an abusive friendship)
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now (i miss mandy and dani and escher and michelle and max and heather and geoff and "horsefucker" and liz and rachel and....ghaaa, the whole state of washington!)
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by (saw a thighmaster and a chick shaving her legs)
(x) made a snow angel
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up (wanted to be cyndi lauper when i was little)
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake id
(x) watched the sun set
(x) felt an earthquake (just barely)
(x) touched a snake
(x) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
(x) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) petted a reindeer/goat
(x) won a contest
(x) ran a red light
( ) been suspended from school
( ) been in a car accident
( ) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
(x) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
( ) been obsessed with post-it notes
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swum in the ocean
(x) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sung karaoke (oooooh, yeah)
(x) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't (ie: had a kid)
(x) made prank phone calls (to tanuki's restaurant, good times)
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose (orange juice)
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) been kissed under a mistletoe
(x) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles (not the monkey)
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
(x) crashed a party
(x) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey
(x) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
(x) screamed penis in class (and those without the guts just screamed PEANUTS!)
( ) ate dog/cat food
(x) told a complete stranger you loved them (very...very...drunk)
(x) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower (every time i shower)
(x) have a little black dress
(x) had a dream that you married someone
(x) glued your hand to something (to the tube of glue)
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
( ) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes
( ) been a cheerleader
( ) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) didn't take a shower for a week
(x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(x) had a tree house
( ) are scared to watch scary movies alone
(x) believe in ghosts (somewhat, i guess)
(x) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
(x) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
( ) gone streaking
(x) played ding-dong-ditch
( ) played chicken
(x) got pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused (obviously, this quizzy thing here proves that)
( ) caught a fish then ate it
( ) made porn
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried (everytime i laugh)
(x) cried so hard you laughed
(x) mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test
( ) have a Britney Spears CD
(x) forgotten someone's name
(x) slept naked
(x) French braided someone's hair
(x) gone skinny dipping in a pool
(x) been threatened to be kicked out of your house
( ) been kicked out of your house by my parents

here's hoping my family never reads this.

---

R.I.P. Oreo, my cousin's hamster. he will be missed.

stoooooopid politics

i'm obviously not a political person, but i thought i'd take this for kicks.

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

my overactive imagination

my imagination is a piece of work sometimes.

last night i was sitting in my bedroom at my desk, trying to write something that might pass as poetry (but really, anything will pass as poetry at 4am) with my headphone on but no music. i don't know why i always feel the need to wear headphones, it's like i'm all nakies without them. anyway, i was sitting there staring at the blinking cursor. blah. and i heard what sounded like a big SIGH. beside me. right fucking beside me, i'm totally serious.

so i turn to look and i see this little...um...sort of a light, like a piece of spider web caught in the sunlight. like a little shimmer or something. this was almost 4am, there was no sun and hardly any light in my room.

then i felt something weird on the back of my neck, which quite possibly could have been the tag to my shirt...or a spider (which might actually be scarier than the prospect of a ghost), but it really did feel like a finger moving from the back of my neck down my spine. when i turned around to see what the FUCK was that, my lamp by the door flickered a little. ghaaa, i'm being haunted.

now, had these events occurred separately, maybe i wouldn't have flipped so bad. but having a chain of these experiences within a window of about 30 seconds was just a little too much.

and why do i suck, people?

i didn't even whip out my recorder for EVPs. dumb me. i flipped out, wrote a 30 second poem about the "encounter" and that was it for me. in bed, covers over my head. BOOM.

the epitome of horror.

flibberdeejibbit

<- quite possibly, the most terrifying way to wake up.

---

i'm adding some ellen degeneres to my comedy radio.blog. and a song from Team America World Police (even though i haven't even seen the movie) which revolves around the word Fuck. again, that word. that beautiful, beautiful word.

pointless quiz time! YAY!

Nihilist Bear
YOU ARE NIHILIST BEAR!!
You don't really like anything. Nothing matters enough for you to like it. The only thing you even remotely like is the idea that nothing is worth liking. As the antithesis of the typical Care Bear, you tend to have a lot of existential angst. You're an interesting mix of Goth and a philosopher. You're the most intellectual of the Care Bears and can often be found brooding over the state of things. Because of this, you find it very hard to care about things. Even fluffy kitties.

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla




Your element is Water. You have a calm aura around
you and are in tune with the world around. You
observe it but rarely interfere. Because of
your shy and timid nature you will not have so
many friends in your life. But then again,
large crowds aren't your thing anyway. You are
comfortable on your own and are reserved to
others who you don't know or know very little
of. You know everyone out there does not want
to be your friend, and knowing that is good.
However, people who don't know you that well
thinks that you are cold and distant since you
don't want to talk to them. Although you mean
no harm, you can't always be perfectly
understood in the world. No one can. Life in
general are you quite serene with even if there
are some things you don't like. Your love-life
is not so full of boys/girls, but if you
flirted more with the ones you were interested
in I'm sure something would happen. The hobbies
you choose are calmer ones, you are no party
girl that likes to drink and make-out with
three or more guys/girls in one night. Reading
a book or swimming is more your thing.


What is your element? [with pics]
brought to you by Quizilla

animals are funny

i can't be sure, but i think i just witnessed a cat orgy in my backyard. and i'm traumatized.

my brother emailed me this story, and in a sick, sick way, i found it a little funny.

Man's Goose May Be Cooked in Bird Stomping
Mon May 9, 9:48 PM ET

A Rhode Island man charged with stomping to death a Canada goose and five goslings said he did it because he felt threatened by the birds.

John A. Sanders, 33, pleaded innocent at his arraignment Monday in Attleboro District Court on charges of animal cruelty and disorderly conduct.

The industrial engineer from North Kingstown, R.I., was working at a Texas Instruments plant in Attleboro on Saturday. According to the police report, he was walking on the campus when an adult goose hissed at Sanders, who slipped and fell in mud.

"Angered by this fall, he began his rampage, chasing the goslings and kicking them," the report said.

A witness reported seeing Sanders running across the grass, shouting and stopping to jump up and down. The witness called police, who found two goslings flattened on the parking lot, and three more dead on the grass.

The adult goose, believed to be the goslings' mother, was taken to an animal hospital in West Bridgewater, where it was euthanized Sunday because its injuries were too severe, said Karen Harvey, Attleboro's animal control officer.

"I felt threatened, then when I slipped, I felt desperate because they were all around me," Sanders said in a telephone interview with The Boston Globe.

"My life demonstrates that I'm not a callous, hard, uncaring sort of person," he said. "I'm heartbroken over what happened."

Linda Megathlin, a spokesman for Texas Instruments, said Sanders was a contract employee hired through Olsten Staffing Services.

He was freed after posting $1,000 bail and ordered to return to court on May 23 for a pretrial conference.

now, i'm not saying stomping baby animals is funny, that's pretty gross. but i can only imagine how funny the whole thing must have looked.

take that, tiny defenseless animals! BOOM!

and now, for my world famous fishy face.

ooooh, yeah, my badass fishy face, check me out.
it doesn't get anymore non-photogenic than that.

birthday cat, and dreams

apparently today is my mom's cat, sandy's birthday. i think she's out there celebrating. my mom, i mean, not the cat. that's kinda of sweet. but really weird, at the same time.

here's my dream that i wrote down earlier. forgive the stream-of-thought writing, this is how it came out of my head.

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

there was this huge hotel, i was up in some sort of boardroom with a big group of people, the only person from it i can remember is Julia Roberts. we were discussing this killer, well, debating if he was a killer or not. he didn't actually kill people but he...well i guess he did kill them, he just had no physical contact at all with his victims. he would predict when and where they would die but he wasn't really predicting, somehow he was causing it. he told everyone in the room (except for me) that he knew they were all going to die that night, so me and...i don't remember who else, it could have been mandy, had to run around trying to save all these people and had to watch them just fall down at the exact time the guy said they would die, it was uber weird. i remember julia roberts just collapsed on her way to an elevator.

then i was with...i guess it was suppose to be in some way, my family since it felt that way, but i honeslty don't think i knew the people, i was at this house with my supposed "family" and we were all waiting up for my cousin who went out to celebrate her 21st bithday with my older cousin (who actually was my cousin, becky). i was sitting in some type of sun porch, the type my grandparents had before grandpa died and grandma moved up the hill to the woods. these two snakes came in through the window and one of them had this HUGE lump, like it ate a cat or something, and they both had these massive fangs and one of them tried wrapping around my leg, but it wasn't squeezing or anything, it was like it was just trying to say hello. after that i kind of thought it was cute, but the other one with the cat-lump still scared the shit out of me.

that's...about it.

:: end of dream sequence ::

random babble about life

just trying to chill and calm myself down a bit. davey is going through a (hopefully short-lived) phase where he feels the need to mark his territory like an animal. so today has been a mad mix of screaming, shampooing carpets, doing laundry and washing stuffed animals. it occurred to me he might have some sort of infection where he can't get to the bathroom in time, but he tells me he feels fine. it's beyond me why he would feel the need to pee on a stuffed elephant. really, now. gaaawd.

they're clearing way for a biking/walking trail behind the house. they knocked down a bunch of trees back there, and i got kind of pissed until i realized what they were doing. they're clearing a path and putting up a fence that leads into the woods. that should be nice, i haven't gotten any time for myself since i moved here a year ago, it would be nice to take walks through the woods by myself sometimes. head clearing. and the weather is warm and awesome right now, i was hoping it would thunderstorm tonight, but even if it doesn't i won't be that upset. i'm wondering when the fireflies are supposed to start coming around. those things rock.

uuum...what?

my warning label:

spitnoodle Look out for the

m HOLE

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

WTF?!

How Sinful Are You?

i be a lazy chipmunk.

---

i'm adding a few of my favorite SNL skits to my comedy radio.blog, some Deep Thoughts and one of the Delicious Dish skits with Alec Baldwin. i'll be adding a whole lot more, but little bits at a time. i've got more david sedaris whatnot, plus some stuff from ellen degeneres. i wonder why the best comedians seem to be gay? huh.


"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact they're kind of scary. I wondered where this started, and i think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad." ~ Jack Handy

new comedy radio.blog!

so i've made yet another radio.blog, for all the comedy files festering on my computer. click here to pop it open and have a listen. so far, i only have something by David Sedaris on there called You Can't Kill the Rooster. it just slays me, considering i make fun of rednecks so much, and have a strange fascination with the word Fuck.

i'll add more later.

ghosts

i've never seen one myself. i've never seen any convincing proof of life after death. i'm one of those people that need to be shown proof to believe pretty much anything. then shown again, because the first time, i was like "WTF?!" yet still, i read up on it. i watch documentaries and movies about it. i can't get enough.

ghost stories are my heroin.

a few months ago, i bought a voice activated digital recorder. this being shortly after seeing the movie White Noise (ooh, which comes out on DVD a week from today, i might add). yes, i wanted me some EVP's (Electronic Voice Phenomena). if you don't know what this is, it's the equivalent of eavesdropping on the dead. you record for awhile, then play the recording back to hear (hopefully) voices from beyond the grave. i've already tried seances and a ouija board, but nuthin doin'. they actually seemed rather ridiculous. i figured this way, i wouldn't have to try so hard (just set up the recorder and leave).

i normally set the recorder in the basement at night, where i would assume it would not pick up too many normal people-noises. so far, i've recorded wind, the dryer, the furnace, davey running around in his room overhead, the cheap siding crackling, and the sound of my futon bed creaking like a sunnabitch every time i move an inch in my sleep. none of which was remotely paranormal (though at first, my bed creaking did awesomely sound like that chick from The Grudge).

blah. talk about anticlimactic.

still, i'm not giving up on it just yet. i love the idea of ghosts. because i would totally haunt the shit out of people after i die.

---

FOR SOME NIFTY EXAMPLES OF ELECTRONIC VOICE PHENOMENA, CLICK HERE

VISIT THE RATHER AWESOME OFFICIAL WHITE NOISE WEBSITE.

fire in the disco, fire in the taco bell

no, not really a fire. those are the lyrics that won't leave my head today. i think i'm going to add Danger! High Voltage! by Electric 6 to my radio.blog here soon. i can't stop the boogie. oh, yeeeah.

yesterday didn't turn out so bad. i ended up ordering pizza, watching x files reruns and vegging. HA! that totally beats flowers. hands down!

i meant to wake up and write my dream down in it's entirety, but i had to discipline the davey, who had locked every door in the house and kicked a cup of milk down the stairs. after which he had the nerve to demand to watch the lion king video RIGHT NOW. *surpressing...rage...*

:: jenny's rather abbreviated dream sequence ::

um. something about rafts and pirates, and um... i think the plan was to start at virginia beach and just...raft to brazil. but it was ok, because i had a pirate with me. i'm pretty sure it was johnny depp. and then we stopped in this town where there was a hostage situation going on with small children involved, and i went in and saved one of them.

ghaaaa, the rest is gone.

:: end of rather abbreviated dream sequence ::

remembering the rest of the dream might have made it make a little more sense. or not. oh, well.

but YAY today's already looking up, because i just got my tax refund in the mail. cha-ching.

yo mama's day

no corny happy dripping-sweet lovey dovey mother's day poems here. i've read too many. not that the first half dozen didn't make me cry. that's the point of them, right? i'm sure they all have subliminal messages imbedded in them saying CRY, OH JOY OF RAISING KIDS! CRY DAMMIT.

i've hugged my mom today. i got her a lovely gift. i went with her to the stupid mother-daughter banquet. i'm a good daughter.

davey drew me up a mother's day card with a big pirate ship on it. which really has been the only good part of today. feeling slightly underappreciated, but i guess all moms do. at least i got a sweet card. it makes up for him throwing toys at me and demanding i find the lion king video RIGHT NOW. but i still feel like i should have slept through today. they should make a "single mother's day*." celebrated twice a year, just for those of us that have to act as two parents. instead of a card (of flowers or whatever) i would much rather have rum.



*to be fair, a single father's day too.

the mother-daughter banquet

if there is a such place as hell, i'm sure it will be filled with little old ladies wearing pastel colors and lilac perfume and chronically happy nut jobs dressed up as the virgin mary. it will look like a cramped methodist banquet hall. and they will serve dry chicken.

i didn't want to go. i have a religious family. i'm dragged out to these church events all the time, and only my mom and aunt know i'm not religious. i'm afraid of telling my grandma, because she's older than the pope and i'm sure she'd have a stroke or something. so i endure it all.

i'm pretty claustrophobic. i mean, i wig out in wal mart sometimes if it's really crowded. the place was pretty small, lined with this horrendous floral wallpaper that gave the illusion that it was smaller than it really was, and was filled with little old church ladies. to top it off, they seemed to each be wearing about a quart of perfume that burned my nose. ugh.

and the food was...well, it was a methodist banquet. which means they found unimaginable ways to ruin perfectly normal foods. and the coffee tasted like dirty water.

when they went around the room asking people to introduce their guests (most of the people either didn't know me or didn't recognize me from when i was little), my grandma couldn't even remember my name. i felt so special.

and the final straw. a chick dressed as the virgin mary (i was told about 3 times that she was a "social pastor" but for some reason, everytime i was told, i thought they said "sociopath") walked around giving this half hour skit, in character, talking about raising the baby jesus. at one point she said "oh, jesus, why?" and i turned to my mom and said "my exact words when i found out i was pregnant." didn't go over too well, and i got some sideways glares from the next table over. blah.

well, at least it's over. hopefully by next year i can get far enough away from here so i won't be invited. but i doubt it.

another dream

just woke up (good gawd it's already 11? ugh) and since i can still remember my dream, here ya go:

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

i was working at some type of computer store warehouse type place in winchester, but all the people i worked with at hastings in WA were working there. for some reason we were all trying to recover from some type of massive theft. we were all there til at least midnight, except me and a few other people who stayed til after 1am. i had to give this girl a ride home. when we headed out to the parking lot, there were three vehicles parked, kind of spread out. one was my mom in her minivan. she had been babysitting davey and was going to follow me home (home? not sure where i live in this dream, i guess in winchester...which started to look more and more like kennewick, WA) and drop davey off.

i crossed to the other side of the parking lot to my van (i'm driving a full size van in this dream, WTF). the chick and i got into the van and before i could start it, the driver's side door flies open and a man's arm goes around my neck and i'm yanked out of the van. the dude held a gun to my head. for some reason he thought i was the other chick, who was his ex girlfriend. and that's all i remember.

:: end of dream sequence ::

well. that was...different. i don't even own a van. and the fact that i was back working in a Hastings-type environment definately made it seem like a nightmare.

well, time to go get ready for the mother's day banquet. UUUUUUGH. don't wanna GOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

tagged, dammit.

weirdso tagged me for this thing...well, on my poetry blog, but i'm putting it here since it's not poetry.

The Rules: The idea is to pick 5 of the following and complete the sentences, then pass this meme on to 3 more bloggers. No tag backs.

If I could be a scientist...If I could be a farmer...If I could be a musician...If I could be a doctor...If I could be a painter...If I could be a gardener...If I could be a missionary...If I could be a chef...If I could be an architect...If I could be a linguist...If I could be a psychologist...If I could be a librarian...If I could be an athlete...If I could be a lawyer...If I could be an inn-keeper...If I could be a professor...If I could be a writer...If I could be a llama-rider...If I could be a bonnie pirate...If I could be an astronaut...If I could be a world famous blogger...If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...If I could be married to any current famous political figure...

if i could be a musician...i would play piano and sing, like tori amos but with less obscure lyrics. i'd turn all my poetry into song. and sometimes i'd write songs about weird offensive things. just because i'm me.

if i could be a psychologist...i would work with schizophrenic patients. for example; my oldest brother. nobody seems to want to treat them like real people.

if i could be a librarian...i'd replace the time honored "shhh" with "shut your muther fucking hole"

if i could be an athlete...i would totally be a swimmer. like a fish, i am.

if i could be a llama rider...i'd ride it through the taco bell drive thru.


****

ok, i'll guess i'll tag mandy, lewie, and daniel.

good times.

shoulda been catholic...

because confession is addictive. i saw this link on sassybrat's blog for a site called Not Proud. not only did i find reading other people's confessions addictive (albeit a bit strange sometimes, especially in the "lust" category, haha), i couldn't help submitting my own confessions that could quite possibly make my own mother cry. and the awesome thing is, it's all anonymous. good times.

i can't think of any worse way of waking up than a massive charliehorse. BLAH.

why i don't watch the news

i just passed by the living room on my way to the kitchen to get my umpteenth cup of coffee and heard my brother watching the DC news. in just the five minutes i was listening, this is what i heard:

• beatings
• shootings
• stabbings
• death
• death
• death
• some chick dying from hair removal cream
• more death

i don't watch the news anymore.

on a funnier note, my brother and i were discussing the fact that glen danzig sounds an awful lot like grover from sesame street.

about time, i've got lots to say.

i've been trying to post off and on today, but blogger either would eat my post or wouldn't let me log in at all. so i ended up posting on my Yahoo 360 blog. so blogger (or "booger" as i have started calling it), you can just EAT IT. BLAH.

anyhow, i thought i'd save my movie review post until booger stopped being moody. i saw The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy on sunday, and i really liked it. i had heard reviews for it either way, but seeing as how i procrastinated and never re-read the books, i was none the wiser. apparently it wasn't very true to the books? i read them in middle school. i have trouble remembering what i read a year ago, considering i read about 3 books at a time. i have no hope rememering something i read 12 or 13 years ago.

i do, however, remember some of the old BBC version of the movie, and i recall that a) marvin was...more squarish?, and b) arthur was rather ugly. neither is true in the new one. i did dig marvin's voice (Alan Rickman's voice is uber sexy, even as a depressed robot), and i very much dug the dude that played arthur in this new one. plus, the opening musical number was so absurd that i couldn't stop singing it for the rest of the day. try pulling up to a hot dog stand singing "so long and thanks for all the fish," you'll get some awesome looks, trust me.

well, considering it hasn't been out for long, i won't spoil it for those who haven't seen it. i thought it was great.

---

i've been trying for the past few months or so to put together a collection of songs to be the soundtrack of my life. songs that i hear and i am instantly back in the moment. it takes more work than i thought. these are songs i completely forget about until maybe i hear them on the radio, and then it's "OMG, that takes me back."

a lot of these songs get mixed in with the songs in my radio.blog, like Counting Crows, Toad the Wet Sprocket, NIN, James, and The Sugarcubes. some other essentials for the Jenny's Life Soundtrack are:

*Hey Jealousy by the Gin Blossoms. i adored the gin blossoms when i was 15. i wrote the band a letter. i recieved a letter back. i'm sure that rivaled my son's birth for "best day ever."

*The Beauty of Gray by Live. live was the first real band i saw...uh...live. my first real concert. i was 14. they were never my number one favorite band, but i've listened to their album Throwing Copper heavily ever since (although this particular song is from their album Mental Jewelry)

*State of Love and Trust by Pearl Jam. i saw it on mtv unplugged, when mtv was still playing real music. this was my fav band during 8th/9th grade, along with Nirvana. i wanted to be mrs. vedder. and ever since that day, the words "pro choice" will forever be associated with his arm.

*Lounge Act by Nirvana. oh, just listen to it, it slays. i can't describe this, but i get this same feeling of...um...sweet melancholy every time i hear it. that's not the best explanation, i know. i'm not sure i even want to put it into words.

*Thunderkiss '65 by White Zombie. first concert i ever moshed at. i slayed at it for awhile, until i was punched in the back of the head and subsequently blacked out. PUNCHED in the HEAD by a DUDE. i'm a chick, dammit! what was up with that?! oh, well, still a great time, and this is my favorite song by them.

all of these songs will be added to my radio.blog eventually. thank you for sitting quietly and reading my fit of nostalgia.