headlines

my mom sends me these little joke emails every once in awhile, and i thought these were cute:

THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005:

• Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
• Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
• Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
• Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
• Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
• Miners Refuse to Work after Death
• Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
• War Dims Hope for Peace
• If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
• Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
• Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
• Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
• Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
• New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
• Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
• Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
• Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
• Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
  
• Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead