Meh

finding other people's poetry

i found a poem in one of my old books, a love poem, that i did not write. nor do i know who wrote it. i only know that it was written on a page from one of my old notebooks, and the book was bought while i was living in my apartment in WA, so i assume that was where it was written. who was it for? i don't know that either. i don't recognize the handwriting. i had people living with me or over all the time then, occasionally leaving their mental droppings in my poetry notebooks or random scrap papers, so it's really hard to tell. but geez it's intriguing. whoever wrote it was either drunk or completely smitten with someone or both. i have more than a few drunken infatuation poems that i myself have written over the years. but i know 200% that i did not write this one, because...well, i just don't write like that.

i just rediscovered the near-empty journal that dani gave to me before i left WA, with her "love poem for gwyn" on the first few pages. gwyn was one of my nicknames, the poem is for me, and it makes me a little teary because it's so sweet. i feel like i should start carrying this notebook around, now is the time to start filling it up with poems. i feel like i need to live up to her words for me. which feels impossible now, but i think i'll at least try. the journal's got little random quotes on each page, like, "let's ignore our mothers' well-meant advice," and, "she refused to let common sense cloud her judgement." i like that.

the cam, it's gone

after noticing that someone's been refreshing my blog over and over and over (etc) i think it might be worth noting that i took the cam off my blog for awhile. i got sorta sick of being stared at, plus my laptop is getting pretting moody and decides to slow way down when i have my cam program open. so you'll just have to gaze longingly at my picture in the sidebar (hah, i'm such a tard) and cry yourself to sleep. BOOM!

now i'm gonna go make dinner. green eggs and ham, mmm.

a glance at the stats

oh wow. i've just been looking at my stats, and it's funny to see what people are searching for when they stumble upon my blog. here's a few of them, along with my thoughts...

song in silence of the lambs when buffalo bill is getting dressed - what an awesome scene. the song is called 'Goodbye Horses' by Q. Lazzarus.

working at office max - it sucks. but see, i only worked there for like a week before i wigged out and had to quit. that's my problem. but also, working at office supply stores suck. working retail sucks. i hate pretending to be a people person.

blog school nurse needle butt - that sounds like a dream i had once...or...will now have tonight...

fat ass joey - every time i see the name Joey, i think of a baby kangaroo. honestly, i don't think i've ever personally known anyone with the name Joey. so why do i have that in my blog title? that's a long drawn out story about a couple of inside jokes that won't be funny to you because you weren't there, in the moment. unless you are Dani, in which case you were there.

britney spears tied up and gagged - i wonder, is this a fifty year old married man searching for this? personally, i'd like to see that too, but not in a sexual way.

smurfette screensaver - WTF, i don't think i've ever used the word smurfette in any of my posts. how the...

2am and easily distracted

dammit. once again, it is 2am, and i am awake. i have to wake up at 6:30 to get davey off to school. BLAHS. why am i up tonight? well, i was thinking, "hey, maybe i'll get to bed early tonight," since i can't pass back out in bed after davey leaves for school in the morning because freaking social services LOST MY FUCKING PAPERWORK because they don't know how to do their damn jobs.

...there's some jack black ripoff on carson daly...gawd this show sucks monkey nuts...

anyways, what was i saying...aw, yeah. i was going downstairs to shut off the TV and lights and whatnot, and i noticed the carpet was wet. the damn water heater or whatever is leaking. worse than that, it's in a closet where i stored a lot of boxes, so when i went to move them, the bottoms fell out of them because they were soaking wet and now IT'S A FUCKING MESS.

*deep breath*

here's a little poem about the past few nights...

leno, conan
awesome, awesomer
stupid carson
you're not funny
so quit trying.
reruns of
leno, conan
sleepy, sleepier
blissful dreaming
BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ
aw, fuuuuuck.

i feel a weird mixture of angry and weird and inspired and indifferent. i had a teacher in high school call me that, on my report card. "she appears indifferent." i remember he always seemed to have an erection, or whatever, his pants made that little...tent. he would sit on his desk and lecture, and everyone noticed it and giggled. so really, i wasn't indifferent, i was just distracted.

hey, now a leno rerun is on. that's hella better than carson daly, but i don't want to be awake--WTF just hit the wall??? it's the haunting, ooooh....oh, nevermind, it's davey, i must go check on him...

*checking on davey*

freaking weird, i KNOW i heard him crying, but when i checked on him he was fast asleep. so maybe it was like on blair witch where they thought they heard josh screaming but it wasn't him, it was the blair witch. maybe the centipedes are imitating davey's voice in an attempt to draw me out of my bedroom so they can crawl all over me with their nasty kajillion legs. ghaaa, like the blair centipede.

or maybe i need to go to bed before i write anything stupider...

round two (in my pants)

ok, i did this last year, and i felt like doing it again. yes, it's silly and immature. but it's also fucking funny. the name of the game: IN MY PANTS. don't get excited, now, all's ya do is take any song title and then add the words "in my pants" at the end. such as, the song 'I Am the Walrus' would become 'I Am the Walrus In My Pants.' and the song 'Mama Told Me Not To Come'...well, figure it out ;).

i won't insult my readers' intelligence by adding the endings myself, i'll leave that to you. so here goes...

Wish You Were Here
Classical Gas
You've Got To Hide Your Love Away
Don't Pull Your Love
Papa Don't Preach
White Rabbit
Aint No Sunshine
Should I Stay Or Should I Go
Master of Puppets
When the Children Cry
Man In the Box
Milk It
Hidden Place
Glory Box
Peek A Boo
Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'
Squeeze Box
The Kids Are Alright
Running With the Devil

feel free to add your own in my comments. you know you want to.

the haunting of jenny

i've never seen one. but i keep an open mind about ghosts, because hey, it's fun to believe. and no one wants to just stop existing when they die, and i don't really believe that happens. i want the opportunity to haunt the everloving shiznit out of someone when i die.

so ok, to my point. i was on the phone yesterday talking to my mom, standing in the middle of the dining room, half listening and half just spacing off and staring at my car out the kitchen door window. my skateboarding kermit the frog antenna topper slays that much, i'm tellin ya.

i felt a POKE on my back near my neck, and spun around like WTF, and nothing was there. not davey, and really, i don't know if he's even tall enough to reach. no wall to bump into. nothing. there was pressure behind this, not like a blood vessel thingy, this really felt like a finger jabbing me in the back.

so i let me mom listen to me wig out for a few minutes, let her go so i could do the dishes and hung up the phone. before going into the kitchen, i heard someone knocking on my door. davey said he heard the doorbell, but i heard knocking. he might've just been confused, i don't know. i was in a strange state and was having trouble comprehending that there was no one at my door. or either of the neighbors' doors, for that matter, which i sometimes mistake for mine. but nada, no one.

so, yeah, let that go, although i was rather befuddled and had a bit of the heebeejeebees, and i went into the kitchen to wash the dishes and start dinner. i have this little violin magnet on the fridge, that when you touch the bow to the strings over and over, it plays out a song. without being touched, it let out one long note and stopped when i turned around. i stared at it a second and it started playing Ode to Joy really fast. so i threw in onto the kitchen table and it stopped until a few minutes later, when davey wandered over to stare at it, which is when it belted out a lighting fast rendition of Auld Lang Syne.

then, while i was trying to remain calm and finish the dishes, i hear this loud POP right next to me. it sounded as if someone had one of those snack size bags of chips and squeezed it til it popped. but like hell if i could find what it was. and not only did i hear it once, i heard it twice. both right beside of me. i left the dishes for later, man, that was just NUTS.

so...fuck, not only do i have centipedes, i have a poltergeist.

i wonder if they make a Raid for that...

random thoughts

first ten thoughts to pop into my head:

1. joan rivers' face is scary and inanimate.
2. brown sugar, sweet onion, mccormick chicken seasoning...remember this until you write it down...oh look, i just wrote it down.
3. if more women knew the secret of excruciatingly tight pigtails, there would be less women getting facelifts.
4. my scalp hurts.
5. i think i had a dream about beaded curtains.
6. toss me a cigarette, i think there's on in my raincoat, we smoked the last one an hour agooooo....
7. i'm turning into my mom. i watch soap operas, spend all my time on the computer, drink too much coffee and smoke like a chimney. all i need to do now is shrink five inches and get a perm.
8. i want a copy cat, like the one on the Staples commercial. >^oo^< meow.
   
9. why can't the radio station here play any old Nine Inch Nails songs. it's just the new Hand That Feeds song, what is up with that. not that it's not a good song, but it's played too much. throw in some old stuff. also, stop playing the redneck morning radio show, it makes me want to vomit acid through my nose.
10. i like cupcakes.

happy day, and i hate generic shampoo

today, i am happy.

yeah, even though i woke up too late to make a crock pot dinner (how fucking lazy am i) and broke a light bulb on the kitchen floor (which is more than annoying, but i love to hear that popping glass sound ever since working at GE), it is a good day.

because, centipedes, i bought some mofo Raid, so yo' ass is grass.

another thing. i recommend no one who wants to save money buy anything of the generic Food Lion brand. their stuff is not only worse, you have to use more than you would with the name brand. so there is no good deal there.

• example #1: i bought their generic brand shampoo and conditioner, which said "compare to the ingredients of Pantene." well, i'm sure they used less of said ingredients and added a lot of water or something, because the shiznit left my hair in tangles, and i had to use more and now i'm out already. had i actually went ahead and bought the Pantene in the first place, i'd still have half to two thirds of the bottles left. it's insanity. but it's ok, because i just bought some coconut Sauve shampoo & conditioner, so i will now smell like a coconut from head to toe.


• example #2: their laundry detergent is too thin and smells like dish soap. i dunno, it may be dish soap, passed off as laundry detergent. but it sucks. again, had to use twice as much.
  

• example #3: their dish soap also sucks. same senario, had to use twice as much. the crappity seems like it's just blue water with a drop of dish soap in it.

so bite my ass, Food Lion brand. don't get me wrong, it's a good store, their produce kills Wal Mart's to pieces. but...ok, i just spent way too much time bitching about that, i'm so lame.

why am i so cheap?

oh, yeah. BECAUSE I'M SO BROKE.

weekend whatnot

such a pretty day today. i heard kids playing outside so the world doesn't seem so deserted. popped open all the windows even though everything is in bloom and making my eyes water with allergy. i actually made something for dinner, not out of a box, mind you, that davey likes. i've been unpacking more and more (agghh, i know, i've been here almost four months and i'm not done unpacking) so my living room almost looks like...a living room.

some of the boxes i'm going through i haven't opened since i was young, these were things that have always been stored in the back of my parents' garages throughout the years. things from when i was like, 10 and younger. little glitter pink sweaters and white church dresses. sickening. but i did find an old gremlins sweatshirt from when i was maybe 7 or 8 that fits davey, and he's been wearing it since yesterday, even though it's getting warm out. it's weird, i remember wearing it, and now it's on my son. i feel a little old.

it doesn't help matters that i found another gray hair while eating dinner at my parents' house. and yes, it came from my head. that's just not fair, i am too young for that shiznit.

i'm glad i've had all week to spend more time with davey (he's been on spring break) but now i'm looking forward to monday when i watch him take off on the bus and i have the house to myself again. at least for a little bit. i'm thinking as soon as he leaves for school i'm gonna get off my fat ass and dig out one of my old exercise videos. if i become any more inanimate, i'll take root. i figure since the diet didn't seem to work, the exercise might. i know, it might actually work to do the diet and exercise AT THE SAME TIME, but fuck, people, that's just too much torture to do all at once.

more blogthings

because i am bored...

You Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways. And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery... Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever. You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

Your Quirk Factor: 73%

You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal. No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."

How Quirky Are You?

You Are Rowlf the Dog

Mellow and serious, you enjoy time alone cultivating your talents. You're a cool dog, and you always present a relaxed vibe. A talented pianist, you can play almost anything - especially songs by Beethoven. "My bark is worse than my bite, and my piano playing beats 'em both."

The Muppet Personality Test

You Are 40% Abnormal

You are at low risk for being a psychopath. It is unlikely that you have no soul. You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at high risk for having a social phobia. It is very likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

i have a song stuck in my head

Hide and Seek' by Imogen Heap.

this song is...a bit odd and now i can't get it out of my head, it's really grown on me. i saw her perform on Last Call with Carson Daly (i hate that man, and i never mean to watch his lamer than lame show but if i don't shut off the tv after conan...well, that's what i get). she was awesome live, also, which listening to the song i wouldn't have thought had i not seen the performance first.

she looked like a bit of a wack job on the show, appearance-wise, like she was trying too hard to look original, but her voice won me over and now i can't stop listening to this one song. i may have to...uhh...*ahem* BUY her album ;) because i've only heard one other song by her now (Goodnight and Go) and that one was catchy but slighty too poppy for everyday or in-the-car playing.

ok, that is all. hopefully my life gets more exiting, because i need some better blogging/poetry material.

Googlism for: jenny

ok, there were like a kajillion of these. i'm only posting some.

jenny is having a baby :: uhhh, no. :(
jenny is a very social woman :: i am the opposite.
jenny is famous :: BOOM! YES! I AM WORLD FAMOUS, MUAHAHA!!!
jenny is stalked mercilessly :: it feels that way
jenny is queen of earth :: and the sooner everyone realizes this, the happier the world will be.
jenny is a bonehead :: ok, yes.
jenny is red hot :: I AM SHAKIRA
jenny is perplexed :: most of the time
jenny is pierced and tattooed :: yups
jenny is a real inspiration :: an inspiration to every antisocial hermit who aspires to write bad poetry
jenny is sooooooo cute :: awwww, no, i'm not.
jenny is a first :: why yes, i've been a few firsts, haha
jenny is a pro and she never lets the jeering of her male competitors get her down :: yeah, assholes. fuck you, you...jeerers.
jenny is a mystery character :: i am also a mystery of science.
jenny is neurologically ok :: maybe not
jenny is a lovely spot for a naturist holiday :: yes, i'm very natural, so check me out.
jenny is an exceptional gymnast :: I CAN DO A BRIDGE!!
jenny is a favorite of our visitors :: so says my parents. well they should.
jenny is a strong girl :: especially if i haven't showered
jenny is looked after by an elderly neighbour :: no, but possibly stared at by a strange neighbor.
jenny is poisoned by a poison cloud :: *dies*
jenny is one of the best bitches i own :: so says Frohike, my pet catfish
jenny is at the moment my favorite jenny :: i'd love to be someone's favorite jenny. it is my life goal.
jenny is a chatterbox who never seems to run out of amusing things to say :: *speechless*
jenny is a character who'll speak her mind and can take control of a situation :: *cracks whip*
jenny is a loner who thinks kids are barely half human :: and i also believe in one god...and he lives in this lake...and his name is Zorgo.
jenny is the prize he's stalked for years :: oooooooh, neat.
jenny is tied up and gagged in a very short tight skirt and tight top :: ok, no one needs to picture that. you'd go mad.
jenny is first seen tending to her sick flatmate :: yup, my sick davey
jenny is cooool :: HECK YEAH, BITCHES.

the creepy crawlies

davey's off school today, so i assumed i'd be sleeping in. so what time did i wake up this morning? 6:30. davey has this thing where he just CAN'T let me sleep past 7, school day or not.

so i get up, make him some breakfast, and trudge back upstairs prepared to curl back up in bed. i had noticed this thing on the ceiling while i was laying there earlier, but i thought i was a crack or a hook or something. my vision sucks and i was half asleep.

well, it had moved.

and it had a kajillion little legs.

and it was huge and fucking nasty.

there was a centipede chillin on my ceiling. forgive me, i realize that they're a common household insect in some places, but i've never seen one of these things in real life, so it freaked me the hell out. it took me a good five minutes of staring at the monstrosity on my ceiling (and i do believe it was staring back at me with the same WTF expression) before i even realized what it was.

i've seen millipedes before. they're gross and creepy but i can handle them, i don't freak out. but this mofo...i'm sure the neighbors could hear me screaming.

it's like i'm scared of the legs. the creepy crawly legs. if spiders, with only eight legs freak me out, then i am three times as scared of centipedes. or something like that, i didn't stop and count it's legs, i sprayed it with Raid (although it's for ants, it managed to knock it off the ceiling) and squished it with a huge wad of paper towels.

i just read that they bite, i did not know that. i will never sleep again.

and now i keep feeling imaginary little bug legs on my back and feet. EW.

BURRRRRRP

if you people could hear me burp, you'd understand how funny this is...

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader... Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."

The Simpsons Personality Test

STFU puppy

sickeningly sweet holidays

all my favorite shows seem to be valentine themed lately. oh, yeah, valentines day, great. *sigh* Wheel of Fortune has couples week. Biggest Loser: couples. The Office: valentines.

and then there's my brother telling me all about his valentines gift and whining about the fact that i'm not going up to my parents because he wants to give davey a valentines gift.

and then there's davey making the constant pink and red hearts out of construction paper and telling me all about his girlfriend. GIRLFRIEND!! he's friggin FIVE.

and WTF IS UP WITH ALL THE K-Y COMMERCIALS??????

i'm convinced valentines day is just a holiday to rub it in my face that i'm single. hey, here's a bunch of commercials of happy people that will never be you, jenny! because you'll always be single! no chocolate for you! NO FUCKING DARK CHOCOLATE TRUFFLES FOR YOU!

but...yeah, whatever...

fuck the hearts, fuck the flowers and the candies and the entire holiday. cupid can go fuck himself in the ear with his stupid arrow.

plus, i'll be missing RadCon for the second year. one of my best memories from living in WA was going to RadCon every year on valentines weekend. ok, maybe i don't care as much this year as i did last year, as i'm getting used to the lack of socializing and not so much missing it anymore.

but what i do miss about RadCon is the drunken dancing. and dressing up like a cat for no good reason. and running around a hotel for an entire weekend drunk, high and dressed like a cat.

there is just nothing like it.

i like vicodin

took a trip to the emergency room today. it's the first time i've had to visit for myself. i've taken davey for different whatnot, but i tend to avoid doctors at all costs.

buuuuuut, i was chillin and watching TV today, doing my whatnot online and i got a sudden and severe pain in my jaw. my tooth stopped hurting the other day, so i was thinking i might be able to put off going to the dentist for a little bit. but the pain today was FAR WORSE than before, and i simply could not handle it. it rivaled labor pains. i mean, at least when i had labor pains, i wasn't as worried because i knew they were supposed to be happening, my face is not supposed to hurt, dammit. and i don't remember crying when i was in labor, but i was bawling so hard today i got the hiccups and snubs like babies do. i'm such a tard.

so after panicking and hyperventilating myself, and swearing that i was dying, i managed to eventually drag my butt out to the car and drive myself to the hospital (wearing only one contact, because FUCKING HELL, my pink eye came back).

so they prescribed me some penicillin and vicodin and sent me on my way. my mom came down to see me and hang out for a little while, which was nice, because the only thing worse than being in pain and feeling helpless is being alone when it happens.

i took the vicodin and started attempting gymnastics moves. i learned tonight that i can still do a bridge (well, not from a standing position, that would just be suicide).

i like that. aw, yeah. i'm more flexible than i thought.

why me

once i get over one thing, something equally horrifying comes along. as i was leaving to meet the davey at his school bus this afternoon, BOOM, my tooth started throbbing. like the worst tooth pain i've ever had, and with my teeth, i've had plenty of pain. this pain covered the entire side of my face and ear.

so after four ibuprofen and two midol (i couldn't find the tylenol) it finally stopped hurting enough to where i could reach in and poke at the culprit, which is what is left of my wisdom tooth.

the most...unnatural smell came out of my mouth after i started messing with my tooth. like, that should not have been coming from anything human, and here is was in my mouth. YUUUUUUCK.

so i figure it's abscessed. i've never had this happen before and it fucking hurts. i'm mad and in pain and cranky and whiney.

whaaa.

good news, annoying news

the good news? i'm over my pink eye. and my flu. and pretty much over my cold. i still feel like crappity, but that's normal for me. and least there's nothing leaking out of my face now.

annoying news? here's reason #683 why i don't like watching the news. celebrity gossip. i'm not interested in it, but i wrote a little poem about it this morning, after seeing this on two different news programs.

stupid blonde
bad mother
fuck you
britney spears



ok, it's not a masterpiece. i promise you, this will be the only picture of her i will ever have on this blog. whaaa, she was being terrorized at starbucks. lock your fucking car and put the poor little monkey back in his car seat.

ok, that is all...