Hyperamazing

So today is unicorns and fucking rainbows. One day I'm stuck in a gray and blue mental auschwitz, the next I wake up as a happy hot pink tiger cub on a Lisa Fucking Frank notebook. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me.

How am I doing

So I'm not okay. Again. I'm a broken fucking record. Nobody wants to hear that I'm not doing okay. Even when they ask, "You okay?" when I say no, all I get is silence, or an, "...okay..." "No," is never the acceptable reply. I'm supposed to say yes by reflex whether it's true or not, because no one knows how to respond to, "Actually, it feels like all of reality is breaking apart and I've no idea how to cope with it."

I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what anyone could do to help. I don't even know how to word it so it can be understood. It's not one single thing. It's everything at once. It's everyday everything suddenly bigger and badder and more intimidating. It's dread. It's paralyzing emptiness. I don't know what triggered it. I have no clues or reasons. I'm empty handed. The only thing I can do is write it, roll it up in this bloggy bottle, and toss it out there.

Invisible cook

I'm making the dinner. I'm listening to my music. Last night I was the only person alive. Now I'm invisible. Invisible. But they'll still get their fucking dinner.