back to school. for ME.

okay, so i've signed up for community college. again. regrettably, the first time around (ten years ago, O.M.G.) i took classes that i was interested in, sure, but with no plan to work toward anything but a general associates degree (which i got) and some half assed notion that i would transfer to university...later. what did i want to major in? i had no idea, but i just said psychology, because that sounded nice and smart.

so, yeah. i took ZERO computer or higher math classes, so i've got that to look forward to now. and funny, NOW i actually AM looking forward to it. i am a lot smarter now than i was ten years ago, and a lot more focused and determined. i am no longer that clueless girl that threw away all that opportunity just because it was too haaaaaard. haha. i put my education on hold to raise david with every intention of finishing when he started school, but that never happened. now david is 10 and i've got yet another rugrat (a sweet, lovable rugrat, yes -- but lucy does not like me to do anything unless it involves her). i can't keep procrastinating. this needs to happen now.

in a way, though, i'm glad that i didn't waste all that time and money working toward a degree and career that i don't even want now. i KNOW what i want now, and that makes this a lot easier. i'm going to start at community college, transfer to university and have my bachelors FINALLY. it will be slow going, but hopefully i'll be done before david starts college.

now i've just got to figure out how to juggle work, school and two kids. ghaaaaa. what am i DOING??

it's high time i get off my ass

things are changing. seasons, situations, attitudes, and it's time to get off my chunky ass and lose another 30 lbs. i lost 30 lbs in late spring/early summer and then i kind of slacked off. but i maintained the same weight and haven't gained (a miracle, there) so now is a good time to pick up where i left off. green smoothie for breakfast, salad for lunch, light dinner and crazy hula hooping, baby. it's stuff i like eating and doing anyway, so what's the hold up?

full. speed. ahead. bitches.

hitler vs. a dinosaur

as strange and dark as this dream was, i woke up from it refreshed and happy.

:: jenny's dream sequence ::


the circus was in town, or so we thought. it turned out to be a concentration camp, and it was mostly for children. david and lucy went missing, along with half of the other kids in town. no one knew where all the children had gone, and apparently never questioned the mysterious circus.


years passed and finally parents started to figure out what had happened. charlie and i broke into the camp and found that it was hitler running it. hitler was alive and well (well, physically. not mentally) and had not aged at all. we had to run around hiding from soldiers and found rooms of paper-thin children hanging from clotheslines. somehow we spoke to one of the guards (i think we told him we were nazi reporters or something) and he was bragging how they were able to get the kids so thin and still keep them alive.


charlie's mom was suddenly with us, and she had a plan where we would just tell hitler we were going to take david and lucy to the zoo. then we would just never bring them back. charlie and i had a better idea, and formed a plan to steal hitlers jeep and stow david and lucy in the back, then haul ass out of camp.

 when we found david and lucy, they were older (about 8 and 16) and david had been training in the martial arts in secret, so he ended up fighting off all the nazis and helped us escape in the jeep. as we were leaving the camp/circus, we saw a face-off between hitler and a t-rex, but i never got to see how it ended.


:: end of dream sequence ::

after seeing hitler fighting a dinosaur, it's hard not to have a good day.

experiment

trying to cut meat and dairy out of my diet. so far, i'm still eating eggs and fish. still having cool whip, too, and i guess that's technically dairy. trying out green smoothies for breakfast. i made a nasty smoothie this morning, so i will try honey and more fruit in tomorrow's. so tired i can't even think in full sentences. i suppose i'll write more on this when i'm a little more conscious.

my dreams

decided to sift through years worth of my blog posts for my "dream sequences," copied and pasted them all into Word for a whopping 17 pages worth of pure nonsensical bliss. they're interesting to me, at least. especially the one where i dreamed of giving birth to lucy...almost 3 years BEFORE i actually gave birth to her. i never really realized how many dreams i had written down until i searched my blog for "dream sequence." it's unbelievable, since i only remember little bits of my dreams now.

so this is what i'll try to do. as soon as i wake up, i plan to write down every detail of every dream i can remember having that night (i used to remember several, sometimes 4 or 5) and post it here. i think the more i write down my dreams (or attempt to recall them each morning), the better my chances are at remembering more of my dreams the next morning. i've only remembered a few dreams in the last few months. what makes it hard is waking up every few hours most nights to lucy fussing. maybe she doesn't give me the chance to dream. maybe i wake up too often to get into a deep sleep.

well, anyways, i hope not.

hooping update

so i've managed to learn to keep the hoop on my hips. YAY! what helped? getting hoops that were actually big and heavy enough for an adult. i'm learning (slowly) a few tricks, very basic right now, but i hope to have a bunch of really cool ones mastered in a few months, and (crossing fingers) lose some weight in the process. but now, the exercise part isn't as important. i'm having so much fun that i never want to put my hoop down (despite the wicked bruises on my hips).

i've found out there's a lot of benefits of hooping (for me):

1. in december of '08, i had surgery on an umbilical hernia, which was a result of my pregnancy. the doctor told me that there would be a higher chance of recurrance for me because of my weight. and indeed, about a year later, i began to feel very sore around my belly button again and feared having to undergo another surgery (that i couldn't afford). only a week or so after i started hooping (with the bigger adult hoop, one about 42" across) i noticed i was no longer sore around that area, and i can only assume that my "core" muscles have stregthened enough to hold everything in as it should.

2. my head clears when i hoop. i always thought i should try yoga or something, but never had the patience for it. so many awkward looking poses. i'd be too embarrassed to do it in front of anyone, and in my house, i have to do nearly everything in front of everyone. besides, yoga is charlie's thing (or will be...when he decides to stop just ordering a bunch of books and dvd's about it and starts actually DOING IT). when i'm hooping, it's like i've found my own little happy place where i can tune out and just relax. it feels like the hoop is hugging me on all sides and i'm in this safe little bubble.

3. david likes hooping, too. i had come to the point where i was losing things i had in common with him (other than blood). wasn't i surprised to learn that the munchkin actually LIKES to hoop with his mom. i'm not cool enough to play Nerf guns or Playstation with him, but he's not too embarrassed to hoop it up with his mommy. aww, he still loves me.

4. the stomach aches that i used to have daily for nearly 10 years have all but gone away completely. something about this hoop providing a constant massage for my tummy must've done wonders for my digestion. i mean, i still get them once in awhile, but it feels nice not to have that pain all the time.

5. last but not least, the word "hoop" constantly gets misunderstood for the word "poop," so when i say things like, "sorry i'm so sweaty and out of breath, i was just hooping, " or, "mind if i hoop?" i get really funny reactions. BOOM!

what's all the hoop-la

i don't remember ever having a hula hoop when i was a kid. my dad swears i did, so whatever. but i think not. i know i always wanted one. it looked so fun. and easy. it probably would have been easy had i tried learning then, when i was 10. but no. i tried at the ripe old age of 30.
charlie saw the hoops in walmart while we in the toy section fulfilling our end of the bribe (kids act sane, get toys). i remember saying something...sometime to him about the childhood trauma of never having a hula hoop. so he stuck one in the cart. and bought it. and brought it home and...
...found out i suck at it. it still LOOKS fun, when i see other people doing it the right way. but it sure as shit isn't easy at all, especially considering all my roundness. but i'm determined to learn to hoop. it seems like good exercise, and if i can get the fucking thing to stay on my hips, it would be really fun. it seems like the ideal way to lose weight, if i could only stop inhaling so much junk food, alcohol and sugar. :D

Hound Dog Books

so i redesigned charlie's web site, Hound Dog Books. anyone who reads this blog, jog on over there and check it out. he's my boyfriend/fiancé/father of my daughter, a wicked poet and possibly even more random than i am. most of his poetry is stream of thought and free verse (my favorite kind). very random, very cool. not trying to be overcomplicated or pseudo-intellectual. he's real. and rather adorable, if you ask me.

this blog and me

i noticed something...that probably no one else has noticed because no one is reading anymore. i, for the most part, have abandoned this blog. if my 24 year old self could see this, she'd be sick. however, i am coolly indifferent.

i started this thing in 2003. it is now 2010. i feel like a different person than the girl who started a weird new thing called a blog when she was 24 because some guy had one and she wanted to feel important like that. i haven't talked to that guy SINCE i was 24, yet this blog lives on. neat.

if i'm online anymore, i live on facebook. this is because the people i know in real life have figured out how to type (some just barely). all my creative ideas manifest themselves as 2 sentence blurbs which i use as a profile status. i will try to update my beloved spitnoodle, because i refuse to let her die. but my life and priorities have changed in monumental ways this past six years. i have too many distractions (good distractions, but ones that keep me from forming a thought). right now all i hear is, "mom....mom....hey, mom..," and fingernails impatiently tapping on the table as david asks me where are the oreos.

i do what i can, and that's all i can do.