i dreamt of death...

...and it happened. three of my family members died last night while i dreamt about it. i woke up and the three of them were floating on their sides at the top tank.

yes, my three black tetras offed themselves last night as i slept. maybe i should give fish more credit. was that dream i had their way of saying "so long, and thanks for all the fish...food"?? (excuse my dorky HHGTTG reference) they were all alive and kicking last night, when i fed them.

i held a hurried funeral for them in the bathroom, which consisted of saying, "whoops, sorry little dudes," before flushing them.

i figure i won't even tell davey they croaked, and when we move i'll just replace them. what i ended up telling him was that i let them go see their fishey families for the holidays.

i still have the algae eater (my pleco, which now resembles a small shark, right down to the creepy blank eyes). i believe he is immortal. he's lived to see a lot of the other fish die, and...i'm sure as long as i remain the lazy procrastinator that i am, he'll be around for the deaths of plenty more.

what i don't understand is this. how is it, that i can take care of something that requires constant attention, care, love, education, grooming, entertainment and such (i am, of course, speaking of davey), yet i can't seem to keep fish alive. or plants for the matter. i've killed cactus before, through sheer neglect. yet i have a perfectly happy, healthy five year old human. go figure.

i guess the fish should have learned to climb into my bed in the morning and scream, "MOMMY, I WANT BREAKFAST!"

family

i went down to my cousin's for thanksgiving and spent the day with family. and all of the family's significant others. while everyone else was sitting and having a good ol' time with their husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend, i sat by myself in the living room for hours watching back to back episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond. davey ditched me, for the most part, to play video games. funk dat.

but the macaroni was good. to me, thanksgiving isn't about turkey. it's all about the macaroni, the baked kind with cheddar cheesey crust on the top, mmm yums. my momma slays da mac.

davey has givin me his cold, so right now, i'm not only really full of macaroni, i'm also full of squishiness that keeps wanting to leak out of my nose. oooh, yeah, that's sexy. blahs.

overeat and be happy

...and since it's thanksgiving, i've stuck Arlo Guthrie's 'Alice's Restaurant' in my radio.blog.

"Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the restaurant, but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray and Fasha the dog. And livin' in the bell tower like that, they got a lot of room downstairs where the pews used to be in. Havin' all that room, seein' as how they took out all the pews, they decided that they didn't have to take out their garbage for a long time..."

lots of dreams

it just doesn't feel natural remembering this many dreams from one night...

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

first dream (is very hazy and vague).i remember driving around chasing some type of weird little car. i dunno what was so weird about it, just that it was not a normal car at all, and that it was very important that i catch it. then i was parked out front of a deserted movie theater at dusk. then i was in an underground parking lot. i got out of my car and a bomb went off.

next dream. i was in the mall, in Hot Topic. i had told my mom i was going to the theater to see a movie but i went to the mall to look for umbrellas instead. Hot Topic had a ton of umbrellas in the back. for some reason, there was no roof at the front corner of the store and it was raining in, really pouring. all the emplyees were standing under the hole in the roof, smoking and getting totally drenched. i saw a Little Mermaid dayplanner that i wanted. i looked at some christmas display they had and saw a coca cola bear music box thing that i bought for my mom. it was $27.

next dream. i was at home, chatting online and digging around in my closet at the same time. i found my mancala board in the back of my closet and got all excited for some reason, so i went to lappy and told the daniel, "i found my keyboard," and he says, "i thought you already found that," so i say, "i mean, i found my recorder," and he's like, "i thought you already found that, too." so finally i get it right and say i found my mancala board. but i realize that it doubles as a recorder (i dunno how) and i start playing songs on it.

then somehow, online, i had ordered our cat, Sandy...as a kitten. (???) i mean, Sandy was still here, it's just that somehow i was able to buy her like she was when she was a kitten. i walked by with it and big Sandy hissed at kitten Sandy. then i went into the kitchen with my mom, and our old cat, C.C. was sitting in there on the table. i put the kitten in front of him and he started rubbing up against it and licking it, and he let the kitten climb up on his back and sit on his neck.

:: end of dream sequence ::

a survey: random crappity about me

Time started: 8:13pm on 11/19/05

Full Name: Jennifer Raye ******

Single or Taken: single

Sex: female

Birthday: august 25, 1979

Siblings: 2 brothers: aaron and jamie

Eye color: dark brown

Shoe size: 10

Height: 5'7"

Weight: no fucking way i'm answering that

Innie or Outie: innie.

What are you wearing right now: big baggie black sweatpants, white adidas socks, and my green The Who t-shirt

Where do you live: Virginia

Righty or lefty: righty

Can you make a dollar in change right now: maybe in dimes

~Relationships~

Who is your closest friend: mandy will always be my best friend, but zen-master-diggity-dan-man is my closest friend right now.

Do you have a BF or GF?: nope

Did you send this to your crush?: i'm not sending it to anyone, i'm posting it in a blog

Best place to go for a date: home, in front of the TV with a wicked horror movie on DVD and popcorn (i know, i sound so lame but there aint nuthin better than that)

~Favorites~

Favorite kind of pants: jeans

Boys Name: David (of course) and uhhh...i really dunno, i think more about girls names

Girls Name: Lucy, Jane, Sophia, Lily

Animal: ferret, frog, chinchilla

Drink: coffee w/ sweetener and hazelnut creamer

Sport: sex

Month: october

Movie: Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Juice: i don't drink much juice

Breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, toast, coffee. oh, and sometimes waffles. and french toast.

Favorite cartoon character: the cheshire cat

~Have you ever~

Given anyone a bath: yes, my son

Smoked: cigarettes, cigars, cloves, weed

Bungee: no way

Made yourself throw-up: yes

Gone skinny dipping: yes

Eaten a dog: uhhh, a hot dog

Put your tongue on a frozen pole: no

Loved someone so much it made you cry?: none of y'alls beezwax

Broken a bone: no

Played truth or dare: ooooooh yeah ;)

Been in a physical fight: yes

Been in a police car: yes

Been on a plane: yes

Come close to dying: i almost got hit by an apple truck when i was 12, then i had complications during davey's childbirth, so there's a few i know of, but who knows how many brushes with death i've had that i wasn't even aware of.

been in a sauna: yes

been in a hot tub: yes

swam in the ocean: yes

Fallen asleep in school: yes

Ran away?: no

Broken someone's heart: yes

Cried when someone died: yes

Cried in school: yes

Fell off your chair: i've fallen off chairs, benches, the bed, the sidewalk, actually i've probably fallen off of anything and everything i've ever been on before ;)

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: no, not all night, maybe for an hour or so, though

Saved IM conversations: sometimes. i still have an IM conversation saved i had with mandy from about 6 or 7 years ago.

Saved e-mails: yes

Fallen for one of your best friends?: um, ok, i guess, but he's not a friend anymore and i hope he disappears from the face of the planet. that lying asshole.

Made out with JUST a friend?: yeah, lots of JUST friends.

Used someone: never

Been cheated on?: yup

~What is...~

Your good luck charm: uuuuh. :( y'know, as superstitious as i am, one would think i'd have a good luck charm. well, i don't.

Best song you ever heard: oh, geez, there is no "best." my favorite songs change daily, sometimes hourly. there's too much good and different stuff out there to pick just one. favorite song of the day, though? i'd have to say 'Now Is Mine' by K's Choice. and it's on my radio.blog right now (click HERE to listen).

What's your room like: small, cluttered and very nest-like. it is my comfort zone.

What is beside you: (looks to the right) coffee, printer, fish tank, dictionary, mouse, a care bear, my phone, and a lamp. (looks to the left) my casio keyboard, a notebook, an empty kleenex box, a small trash can, a bookcase full of books and my closet.

Last thing you ate: country fried chicken nuggets and pilaf flavored rice-a-roni.

What kind of shampoo do you use?: pantene

~Ever had~

Chicken pox: yes

Sore Throat: YES!!

Stitches: no, but i've have STAPLES, which, IMO, is worse.

Broken nose: no

~Do you~

Believe in love at first sight: i guess it could happen. i also believe in hate at first site, though.

Like picnics: it depends, on who is there and where it's at, i suppose. and what food there is.

Like school: i hated high school, liked community college, and now i want to go back.

~Questions~

Who was the last person that called you: some lady trying to offer me a job in maryland.

Who was the last person you slow danced with: it was probably a chick, at a dance club/karaoke bar.

Who makes you laugh the most?: my son

Who makes you smile?: my son, my mom, dani, dan man, mandy, and...that's about it. oh, wait, and conan o'brien.

~Last person~

You yelled at: davey

Who broke your heart: i don't let people do that.

Who told you they loved you: davey

whos your loudest friend?: UNCUH BOOBIE

~Do you~

Do you like filling these out: when i'm bored and have the time and i feel like answering (or refusing to answer) personal questions about myself.

Do you wear contacts or glasses: yes and yes, but not at the same time, of course, that would just be weird.

Do you like yourself: i normally do, but right now i'm not feeling very likable. i'm hoping i can be medicated into liking myself again, though ;)

Do you get along with your family: yes, in general. but my brother can STFU sometimes.

~Are You~

Obsessive? sometimes

Compulsive? sometimes

Anorexic? yes, but only on opposite day

Suicidal? no no no

~Final questions~

How many people are you sending this to: whoever feels like reading my blog

What are you listening to right now?: 'Memphis' by PJ Harvey

What did you do yesterday?: i sat home, on my laptop, like always

Hated someone in your family: if it's family, there is no HATE, that's just not right.

Gotten any awards: i got some sort of award at work years ago, it was on the wall next to the doors for a few months, then they took it down as if it NEVER EXISTED AND I NEVER SAW IT AGAIN, WHAAAAAA. ok, and then i got awards in elementary school for my writing, but who the hell didn't get those. i'm not very exceptional. *sigh*

What car do you wish to have: i like the one i have

Where do you want to get married?: if EVER i get married again (HA) i want to be married somewhere by an elvis impersonator, without the whole hullabaloo. but who says i'll ever get married again.

Good driver?: uuuuh, HAH, not really.

Good Singer: when whoever is listening is drunk. oh, yeah, and i have to be drunk, too.

Have a lava lamp: no, sadly

How many remote controls are in your house: more than ten. probably closer to 20. or more, i'm not going to go count.

Are you double jointed: only in two fingers

What do you dream about: everything. i mean that. everything.

Scary or happy movies: SCARY!!!

Chocolate or white: chocolate

Root or Dr. Pepper: ew to both

Skiing or Boarding: neither

Summer or winter: summer

Silver or Gold: silver

Sunset or Sunrise: sunset, or sunrise after staying up all night

Sprite or 7up: sprite

Orange juice or apple juice: both equally

Cats or dogs: cats, i suppose

Coffee or tea: coffee

Phone or in person: it really depends who i'm talking to. if it's a situation i'd rather not deal with, the phone. if it's someone i like or any friend, or anyone that i'd hug, definately in person.

Are you oldest, middle, youngest?: youngest

Indoor or outdoor: indoor, unless it's summer and there's water nearby, then outdoor. but i'm mostly an indoor creature.

Ending time: 10:30pm

dream: high school, benny hinn & ketchup

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

i dreamed i was in high school, but was the same age i am now, and i went door to door to do this fundraiser, but instead of selling wrapping paper and cookies and whatnot, i was selling cups of coffee i had made and my poetry. i was still living in WA, with my parents. i went down the hill to where our old landlord normally lived, and i went up to the door and Benny Hinn opened it. he bought some coffee and a poem and sat there and talked with me for awhile and funny enough, he never once talked about god or religion, he was just some nice normal guy, it was weird. when i got home i was upset because i was selling the coffee in my coffee mugs instead of styrofoam cups like i had planned to, and Benny Hinn had just taken my Nightmare Before Christmas mug.

then i was back in school and i was skipping every class and hanging out in the cafeteria, which for some reason looked like a Costco, but with no one shopping. there was a janitor setting up MP3 players and stereos on shelves. i followed him around talking to him, and he asked me why i was never in class, and i told him i didn't see the point of going to class when i had already graduated from high school seven years ago.

then i guess i was at home, my parents had just got home from shopping at Costco...i mean the high school (???) and my dad got all upset because they had picked up a huge two pack of ketchup when there was already some in the pantry. i was looking in the refrigerator and said i saw a bottle of ketchup in the back of the top shelf in there, also. but i grabbed it to show them, and apparently it was really old because the ketchup had turned white. everyone started gagging.

:: end of dream sequence ::

SuprGlu

for those of you that actually come to this blog on purpose...and, uh, aren't searching for something like "jenny mcarthey spit sex" or "alec balwin's oreos" (WTF, people, this is some creepy shit), i have made a SuprGlu page with all of the content from this blog, plus my poetry blog. so, if for some reason you don't like looking at the half nakies chick at the top of my blog (which, i think maybe is why anyone really looks at my writing in the first place, hah) or you don't like waiting around for the kajillion little pics and whatnot in my sidebars to load, go there. or just go there even if none of that crap pertains to you.

i think it's pretty neat-o mosquito. it's simple and not as entertaining to look at, but hey, you're getting two of my blogs in one, how can anyone complain about that?? anyone that has two or more blogs, i suggest trying SuprGlu out, so all those blogger-groupies that are stalking you don't have to overexert themselves clicking back and forth between your pages. it's totally free, and at the very least, it's something else to pass the time. at least a good three minutes.

(and thankies to the Daniel for the idea. i am such a copycat)

six things

one of my old friends left this little meme in my email, so i figured...why the fuck not:

SIX THINGS IN YOUR ROOM:
1. laptop
2. casio keyboard
3. fishtank
4. futon
5. TV
6. poster of Jim Morrisson

SIX THINGS YOU SAY MOST:
1. slay
2. YAY
3. rock
4. FUCK
5. BLAH
6. dammit

SIX THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT:
1. coffee
2. cigarettes (don't anyone point out how dumb that sounds)
3. computer
4. music
5. writing
6. daydreams

SIX OTHER THINGS:
1. Believe in God? i have no definite opinion either way. i believe there is a higher power, but whether this is "god" or nature or what, i can't say, because i dunno.
2. Had a dream come true? hm. no. not yet anyway.
3. Read the newspaper? yes.
4. Pray? no, i make wishes.
5. Have a job? the only job i have is being a mommy at the moment
6. Attend church? no.

SIX Have you evers:
1. Gone skinny dipping? YES, it's the best
2. Had surgery? yes, i had a human extracted from me five years ago
3. Swam in the dark? aw, yeeeah
4. Been to a Bonfire? yes, back in the day
5. Ran away from home? never. actually, i think my parents would celebrate if that happened now, hah.
6. Played strip poker? i don't play poker, but i've played strip monopoly, and i've always wondered what it would be like to play naked Twister

SIX THINGS IN THE LAST 24 HOURS:
Have you...
1. Cried? yes, whaa, i'm such a chick.
2. Sang? yups, in the shower and in the car
3. Been kissed? no, no, not for aWHILE
4. Felt stupid? that is an everyday occurance for me
5. Talked to an ex? NO
6. Missed someone? yes, and all of those people should know who they are

about dreams

i like remembering my dreams. good or bad, i like to know what my mind is saying about me behind my back, so to speak. sometimes they give insight, sometimes i don't know what the fuck they're supposed to mean, if they mean anything. but dreams are such an unknown territory, and i like the unknown. for all the research done on dreaming, there is still so much that is a mystery.

i say i don't believe in anything, but when i think about it, that is so not true. i flirt with spirituality, it's in my nature. i like to think that sometimes my dreams show me things about myself, and about the world. that maybe i'm not steering my dreams at all, that maybe some of them are signs that i'm supposed to read and interpret, only i don't understand the language yet.

or maybe it's just my brain trying to make sense of randomly firing neurons. who the hell really knows. but see, i always tend to lean toward whatever answer is more...fun. so i say, my dreams have a purpose. go ahead, call me silly or superstitious, because i know i'm both.

anyway, what got me thinking about this. i was talking to my mom, telling her all about my dream from last night, and the whole time she was trying to stop me. "that's so morbid." sigh. yeah, she says that, yet she sits and watches the horror movies with me, watches all the ghosty and paranormal shows with me. WTF. she tells me she doesn't like to remember her dreams. any of them. this is something i can't comprehend.

well, anyway, here is my dream from last night.

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

it was night time, and i was in the town i grew up in, in northern virginia. i was trying to convince my two older brothers that i was dead but they wouldn't believe me. to prove it to them, i took them to our old church, a tiny methodist church with a small graveyard behind it. i showed them my grave and they finally believed that i was dead. we heard music coming from inside the church, even though it was past midnight, and took a peek inside. it was full of people singing hymns, and my parents were sitting in the front pew holding davey.

:: end of dream sequence ::

what is that supposed to mean? i dunno. :)

dreamage

i figured i'd post my lame-o dreams from last night for y'all to read before i go out begging for a job...

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

i was still in high school, and in some type of gang, with a bunch of girls i've known throughout life. we all thought we were pretty badass. we were at an assembly/play in the auditorium and took off in the middle of it to smoke in the bathroom.

next dream, i was at heather's house with davey, (only it wasn't really heather's house that i remember from real life), and they had a big pool. davey was begging to go swimming so i let him, but then i realized i had no swimsuit for myself. i ended up walking out there to swim in my skivvies (in the dream, i was much smaller than i am now). when i got out to the pool, it turned out she was having a pool party and everyone turned and stared when i walked out of the door.

:: end of dream sequence ::

asshole commenters...

so this massive fucking retard seems to have nothing better to do than to leave a kajillion comments on my poetry blog and not leave any contact information. how lame is that. some little bastard telling me, based on my poetry, that i am apparently a slut, whore, yada yada ya, and a bad mother.

first of all, what kind of lame ass coward does that. maybe stupid teenagers that have nothing better to do than amuse themselves by ripping on other people because they have to make themselves feel better. and if it's not a teenager, it's some socially retarded asshole that never grew up.

either way, it makes me just want to write more angsty poetry, really. because it's my blog, i don't give a shit. if people don't like it, THEY DON'T HAVE TO FUCKING READ IT. i write my poetry for myself, but it's kinda neat when people leave nice and/or constructive criticism in the comments.

but leaving insulting comments on every fucking post, that's just childish.

:: UPDATE ::
this is just really creepy. whoever this is, they're obsessively reading my blogs all the fucking time. i'm sure they'll read this, so WHAT THE SHIT IS SO FASCINATING ABOUT ME?? i mean, sure, i write this stuff with the expectation that random people will read it, and inevitably judge me. but holy shit...this is just beyond me.

and they think i'm the one that needs medication...

easily amused...

here's what's going on. right at this minute...

• i am typing. that is obvious. i was planning to write a very meaningful poem, but since when do i know how to do that. HAH.

• my five year old son is singing a Rick James song. while learning to do The Hustle. in his underwear.

• my brother is on his cell phone talking to what may quite possibly become my future sister-in-law. he just screamed, "HANKY SPANKY," in a micky mouse voice.

• my mother seems to have disappeared. she does that sometimes, she's tiny. remind me to check under the sofa cushions.

• my dad is in the basement mumbling to himself, something about quantum mechanics, or something very similar. there's a fine line between genius and insanity. my dad plays hopscotch over it.

• the cat is trying to eat my shoes. i don't have the heart to tell her they're not real Converse.

• the fish in the fish tank are busy hating me. i can tell by the way they ignore me when i go to feed them.

I AM THE MOST FASCINATING PERSON ALIVE!!!

i try to entertain people. all five people that read my blog. nyaaaa....

i totally stole that from zen-master-diggity-dan-man. feel free to go make your own nonsense at the Einstein Chalkboard Generator.

ucla study

i got this in an email from my mom and thought it was fascinating:

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire. Further studies are expected.