Spitnoodle

zombie check

2012-02-09T00:16:00.000-05:00

what's this silliness? everyone in the house asleep but me and i decide to start watching The Walking Dead on Netflix. good show, great, now i'm doing little "zombie checks" every time i hear...anything. i'll sit here on my lappy watching YouTube videos with headphones on and suddenly i think...what could be going on around me that i'm not hearing? zombie check.

holy crap, i don't believe in this nonsense! i get another glass of wine instead of reading my history chapter, peruse fucking Twitter (thank you charlie, this sudden concern with Twitter is YOUR fault), and...zombie check.

the fan outside just shut off. now it's quieter. i thought it was most quiet before, i just didn't notice that hum of white noise until it shut off, now it's a disturbing kind of nothing. i may need to turn the tv on just for the comfort of sound. which means going into a dark living room...what was that?! shit, i just saw the edge of my glasses out of the corner of my eye and...zombie check.

i feel like i'm fucking five. like when i used to run and jump onto my bed so any hands that tried to reach out and slit my achilles with a butcher knife wouldn't have enough time, then i would lie there trying not to breathe too hard under my holly hobbie bedspread, and would finally have to open a TINY slit of blanket so i could get some cool air (making sure it wasn't near my eye so i wouldn't have to see some ghostly horror floating over my bed waiting to pounce). then waiting. and listening. and picturing a man with a machete under my bed. realizing that if that were the case, he would just need to stab up through my mattress and i would be toast. but i couldn't very well get up or the floaty ghost and butcher knife dude would get me (my bedroom apparently got very crowded at night).

whew. i'm glad i've grown up and come to my senses.

zombie check.

I'll tell you what...

2012-02-06T12:07:00.000-05:00

For every criticism and complaint that I receive for my being the way I am, for every insult meant to point out what I consider to be a strength as if it were a laughable weakness, and for every person who goes out of their way to be insulted by my beliefs and disbelief, I can only say that I will never be made to feel ashamed. If I ever decide to change my mind, it will never result from your obnoxious bullying, but from my own observation of facts. I am proud to be who I am, whether or not it fits with your image of perfection. You are certainly not without flaws. I have never gone out of my way to single someone out to tell them that they are wrong in their beliefs and they should live their life the way that I deem appropriate. I resent anyone that inflicts that same idiocy upon me. I believe what I believe because I think it is worthy, true and beneficial to myself, my family, and to society as a whole. I can't help that you hold the opposite opinion, but you have the right to disagree with me. Just keep out of my fucking face.

it's a minchin day

2012-01-31T13:36:00.000-05:00

best thing to get my mind off being miserably sick? watching tim minchin videos on youtube.

juicy

2012-01-31T12:34:00.000-05:00

i have a cold. i'm not dying, i'm not helpless and i'm not actually feeling that bad yet. but holy fuck, i want someone to come and take care of my kids for a week, clean my house, make me soup, give me a large bottle of southern comfort so i can numb myself and then let me sleep. then disappear from the face of the earth, so i wouldn't feel guilty and the need to repay the kindness. i don't need a mommy. i need elves to come and make me some fucking shoes. or something, i can't think straight.

lucy's sick and snotting all over. she's been like this and had a nasty cough for the last few days, so for the last few days i've been waiting for the inevitable and now it's here, in all it's juicy glory. how i despise colds. heavy lungs, aching head, burning throat and all kinds of nastiness backed up somewhere in there waiting for me to sneeze in front of someone. yeah, that's disgusting. the worst of it hasn't hit yet and i'm scheduled to work the next three days. fuck.

reason rally

2012-01-26T01:09:00.000-05:00

richard dawkins. tim minchin. adam savage. james randi. bad religion. and me. because i'm totally going, and bringing charlie and dave with me. hoping for a most epic adventure. and HOLY CRAP, TIM MINCHIN!!! YESSSSS.

morrissey

2012-01-11T20:51:00.000-05:00

for the past few months, i really haven't wanted to listen to any music unless it involved morrissey's voice. all kinds of beautiful.

worry

2011-12-28T00:09:00.001-05:00

i worry about some people. i can't do anything about their situation, and if i tell them i'm worried without offering to help (because really, in this situation, there really is nothing i can personally do for them), they would resent me. it may just be my perception of a situation i know nothing about (i have lost much contact and haven't seen them in over eight years), but said person really does not seem...lucid anymore.

i miss you, friend, and i hope your situation turns around. i hope people stop praying for you and do something that actually yields results. i will not pray for you, but you are in my thoughts. i know that really doesn't help you, though.

happy fucking holiday

2011-12-21T19:00:00.003-05:00

i'm an atheist. i also LOVE christmas. i don't celebrate it as the birth of jesus, because it isn't. the celebration is much older than christianity and pulls from other cultures and religions (largely from pagans). but whatever, that's a well known fact and i'm sure i'm not the first person you've heard this from.

whatever the origins, i love it. it's a good time to be with family, watch corny movies, eat cookies and buy shit for people. it's the happy warm place during a time when it's cold and dark and depressing outside (i'm not a huge fan of winter weather). it's a good excuse to celebrate and drink (not that i need an excuse for that), and it makes my kids happy.

but if i have to continue to endure this, "he's the reason for the season," or, "keep CHRIST in christmas," or worse yet, the idea that saying, "Happy Holidays," is somehow offensive and part of a war on christmas, i might just snap. it's almost funny that people who have no problem with telling me that i'm going to burn in hell can't handle the words, "happy holidays." i have very little patience for religious people, especially that annoying habit that most of them have of trying to shove their make-believe god down everyone else's throats. so if one more of these flag waving ultra-american redneck bible lovers that think they own this holiday try to impose their ridiculous beliefs on me or my family, i'm afraid i may have to tell them where they can shove their god.

BOOM!

my friends are in trouble

2011-12-03T16:39:00.004-05:00

Lindsay & Joe's kids to the left, my Lucy on the right.

I just learned that my friends across the street from me, Lindsay and Joe (and kids) are in a huge jam. Lindsay's brother died in their home a few months ago, she's apparently been over-medicated by her doctor for her chronic pain, had some sort of breakdown and is currently in jail. She has been away from her family for the last few months, through Thanksgiving and now she will miss Christmas. Her husband, Joe, is legally blind and unable to drive. He has been stuck at home for months raising their two children and is unable to work. They are running out of money and NEED HELP.

I'm not judging Lindsay. Yes, she broke the law and I understand why she is in jail. I have read the explanation on Joe's blog but I still think I don't know enough of the situation to really know what is going on with her. I hadn't even spoken to her since before her brother died (which I feel terrible about). HOWEVER, her husband and two children have done nothing wrong and do not deserve to suffer through this alone and broke, especially through the holidays.

I have donated what money I could (which isn't much since we just spent money on Christmas gifts and our paychecks are already reserved for rent and bills), but i think if a lot of people can donate what little they can to this family, it would save them. These people have been there when I needed them. We've babysat each other's kids. The night my water broke when I was pregnant with Lucy and home alone with my son, David (Charlie was at work), Lindsay dropped everything and drove me to the hospital while Joe babysat David. These are good people and really deserve a damn break.

Please, if you have that little bit of extra after paying for gifts and bills, give a little to this family. Here is a link to Joe's blog, My Family Needs A Christmas Miracle. It explains the entire story and has a PayPal donate button, so if you've got something to give, it's very convenient, too. They need a miracle. If enough people donate just $20 (or more...or even less, whatever you can part with), they will have that miracle.

Lindsay and Joe's kids

too much wine = silly nonsense blog post

2011-11-12T01:12:00.003-05:00

i'm still the same girl that projected herself into the future when she was 9. i remember vividly, standing at the top of the street by myself waiting for the school bus, trying to picture it. i wondered then if i would be the same person when i was a teenager...in college...a mom. and yes, it's still me. i have had a very definite sense of ME for my entire life, and i am proud and appalled to say i don't change much. i have the same imagination and insecurities as i had when i was a kid, yet i now seem to hide...both. the imagination comes out a lot when i'm drinking, though. like now. but i try to hide that hope that someday i will be "very important." as in famous for something. i suppose i am important to my kids and family. that's enough. i guess.

fruit fly holocaust

2011-10-01T14:04:00.000-05:00

look at the little bastards. muahaha!

i had a problem. i refuse to stop buying bananas and apples, but a tribe of fruit flies have begun to make our kitchen their home. not just a few. for some reason, they've been really thick. i've searched around to make sure something hadn't gone bad, and removed some things (a bag of potatoes, some tomatoes from my cousin's garden), but we've always had bananas and apples on the counter and have never had this bad a problem with the fruit flies.

i had tried clapping them in my hands or smacking them on the walls and kitchen counters. didn't work. i tried following them around the kitchen with lysol (i don't want to taint everything in the kitchen with Raid). didn't work. i got the vacuum out and sucked up a whole bunch of them, but that was more fun than effective, as i just temporarily scared most of them away. so i googled a solution. and i found it.

i got a clear cup and put a little apple cider vinegar in the bottom. then i made a paper cone with a tiny opening at the tip a little larger than a fruit fly. then, i put the cone into the cup with the tip pointing down (making sure it didn't dip into the vinegar) and taped the top to the cup to seal it. i left the room for about 5 minutes, came back and BOOM! i had caught exactly six. it's now been about an hour and there's a bunch.

yesssss.

sunday night

2011-09-26T01:34:00.000-05:00

it's never okay to mix cheap wine with jenny at 2am. or feed the mogwai after midnight.

it's one of those nights where i know i need to get things done and i know i need to wake up early and be coherent, yet at the same time, the notion of sleep seems absurd. sleep?? i'm too busy drinking and listening to moody music, man! i'm the only person awake in the world right now. never mind time zones, i am IT. me, myself and i. the rest of the human race will not exist until...say...about 7am.

i want to go sleep and have one of those very consuming dreams that will set my mood for the rest of the day. the sort that has me pissing and moaning about having to wake up and interrupt it. normally they are extremely bizarre, so if i happen to have that dream and remember it tomorrow, i'll be sure and post the details.

good night, all you nonexistent people.

after watching Walking and Talking. by myself.

2011-09-21T23:24:00.000-05:00

i'm a little...drunk? maybe. but i just finished a romantic comedy from...i suppose from the mid 90's, i dunno. there's nothing like drinking and being absorbed into a movie. living someone else's life for a change. not that i don't like my own (i do), but it feels so fresh, feeling someone else's feelings. mine feel so stale and predictable. i miss newness and skinny dipping. i need some shaking up is all. it's all become monotonous. i think charlie and i need a vacation. just us. i adore our kids, but i feel i'm becoming boring. that is the thing i have always feared most. that and clowns. and spiders.

antsies in me pantsies

2011-04-23T11:53:00.000-05:00

it's the day before easter. i'm restless. want to do something. i feel like i'm getting too comfortable with doing my boring ordinary things and i need to do something loud and obnoxious. i can't sit still. i find myself pacing. i need a little more messiness in my life. the good kind. the kind that leaves me happy and out of breath and looking around for more shit to get into. maybe today. i think i'll go ghost hunting.

dreaming

2011-01-26T13:25:00.000-05:00

had a weird dream last night about a diseased pregnant woman, the housewares section of JC Penney, beautiful old friends, used lord of the rings books, an old movie theater...i can't remember anything but snippets of it. and locations. but there was part of it that seemed, when i woke up, to be of great importance. it was imperative that i remember it.

it probably just felt that way in the dream. everything in dreams seems like a big deal until i wake up. but sometimes that feeling bleeds out into my awake mind and i struggle to remember what was so meaningful about it. last night's dream was so wonderful and horrible and heavy. i want it back.

back to school. for ME.

2010-11-21T22:17:00.000-05:00

okay, so i've signed up for community college. again. regrettably, the first time around (ten years ago, O.M.G.) i took classes that i was interested in, sure, but with no plan to work toward anything but a general associates degree (which i got) and some half assed notion that i would transfer to university...later. what did i want to major in? i had no idea, but i just said psychology, because that sounded nice and smart.

so, yeah. i took ZERO computer or higher math classes, so i've got that to look forward to now. and funny, NOW i actually AM looking forward to it. i am a lot smarter now than i was ten years ago, and a lot more focused and determined. i am no longer that clueless girl that threw away all that opportunity just because it was too haaaaaard. haha. i put my education on hold to raise david with every intention of finishing when he started school, but that never happened. now david is 10 and i've got yet another rugrat (a sweet, lovable rugrat, yes -- but lucy does not like me to do anything unless it involves her). i can't keep procrastinating. this needs to happen now.

in a way, though, i'm glad that i didn't waste all that time and money working toward a degree and career that i don't even want now. i KNOW what i want now, and that makes this a lot easier. i'm going to start at community college, transfer to university and have my bachelors FINALLY. it will be slow going, but hopefully i'll be done before david starts college.

now i've just got to figure out how to juggle work, school and two kids. ghaaaaa. what am i DOING??

it's high time i get off my ass

2010-09-13T20:59:00.000-05:00

things are changing. seasons, situations, attitudes, and it's time to get off my chunky ass and lose another 30 lbs. i lost 30 lbs in late spring/early summer and then i kind of slacked off. but i maintained the same weight and haven't gained (a miracle, there) so now is a good time to pick up where i left off. green smoothie for breakfast, salad for lunch, light dinner and crazy hula hooping, baby. it's stuff i like eating and doing anyway, so what's the hold up?

full. speed. ahead. bitches.

hitler vs. a dinosaur

2010-07-21T08:36:00.001-05:00

as strange and dark as this dream was, i woke up from it refreshed and happy.

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

the circus was in town, or so we thought. it turned out to be a concentration camp, and it was mostly for children. david and lucy went missing, along with half of the other kids in town. no one knew where all the children had gone, and apparently never questioned the mysterious circus.

years passed and finally parents started to figure out what had happened. charlie and i broke into the camp and found that it was hitler running it. hitler was alive and well (well, physically. not mentally) and had not aged at all. we had to run around hiding from soldiers and found rooms of paper-thin children hanging from clotheslines. somehow we spoke to one of the guards (i think we told him we were nazi reporters or something) and he was bragging how they were able to get the kids so thin and still keep them alive.

charlie's mom was suddenly with us, and she had a plan where we would just tell hitler we were going to take david and lucy to the zoo. then we would just never bring them back. charlie and i had a better idea, and formed a plan to steal hitlers jeep and stow david and lucy in the back, then haul ass out of camp.

when we found david and lucy, they were older (about 8 and 16) and david had been training in the martial arts in secret, so he ended up fighting off all the nazis and helped us escape in the jeep. as we were leaving the camp/circus, we saw a face-off between hitler and a t-rex, but i never got to see how it ended.

:: end of dream sequence ::

after seeing hitler fighting a dinosaur, it's hard not to have a good day.

experiment

2010-04-27T22:26:00.001-05:00

trying to cut meat and dairy out of my diet. so far, i'm still eating eggs and fish. still having cool whip, too, and i guess that's technically dairy. trying out green smoothies for breakfast. i made a nasty smoothie this morning, so i will try honey and more fruit in tomorrow's. so tired i can't even think in full sentences. i suppose i'll write more on this when i'm a little more conscious.

my dreams

2010-04-20T21:52:00.000-05:00

decided to sift through years worth of my blog posts for my "dream sequences," copied and pasted them all into Word for a whopping 17 pages worth of pure nonsensical bliss. they're interesting to me, at least. especially the one where i dreamed of giving birth to lucy...almost 3 years BEFORE i actually gave birth to her. i never really realized how many dreams i had written down until i searched my blog for "dream sequence." it's unbelievable, since i only remember little bits of my dreams now.

so this is what i'll try to do. as soon as i wake up, i plan to write down every detail of every dream i can remember having that night (i used to remember several, sometimes 4 or 5) and post it here. i think the more i write down my dreams (or attempt to recall them each morning), the better my chances are at remembering more of my dreams the next morning. i've only remembered a few dreams in the last few months. what makes it hard is waking up every few hours most nights to lucy fussing. maybe she doesn't give me the chance to dream. maybe i wake up too often to get into a deep sleep.

well, anyways, i hope not.

hooping update

2010-04-05T08:10:00.005-05:00

so i've managed to learn to keep the hoop on my hips. YAY! what helped? getting hoops that were actually big and heavy enough for an adult. i'm learning (slowly) a few tricks, very basic right now, but i hope to have a bunch of really cool ones mastered in a few months, and (crossing fingers) lose some weight in the process. but now, the exercise part isn't as important. i'm having so much fun that i never want to put my hoop down (despite the wicked bruises on my hips).

i've found out there's a lot of benefits of hooping (for me):

1. in december of '08, i had surgery on an umbilical hernia, which was a result of my pregnancy. the doctor told me that there would be a higher chance of recurrance for me because of my weight. and indeed, about a year later, i began to feel very sore around my belly button again and feared having to undergo another surgery (that i couldn't afford). only a week or so after i started hooping (with the bigger adult hoop, one about 42" across) i noticed i was no longer sore around that area, and i can only assume that my "core" muscles have stregthened enough to hold everything in as it should.

2. my head clears when i hoop. i always thought i should try yoga or something, but never had the patience for it. so many awkward looking poses. i'd be too embarrassed to do it in front of anyone, and in my house, i have to do nearly everything in front of everyone. besides, yoga is charlie's thing (or will be...when he decides to stop just ordering a bunch of books and dvd's about it and starts actually DOING IT). when i'm hooping, it's like i've found my own little happy place where i can tune out and just relax. it feels like the hoop is hugging me on all sides and i'm in this safe little bubble.

3. david likes hooping, too. i had come to the point where i was losing things i had in common with him (other than blood). wasn't i surprised to learn that the munchkin actually LIKES to hoop with his mom. i'm not cool enough to play Nerf guns or Playstation with him, but he's not too embarrassed to hoop it up with his mommy. aww, he still loves me.

4. the stomach aches that i used to have daily for nearly 10 years have all but gone away completely. something about this hoop providing a constant massage for my tummy must've done wonders for my digestion. i mean, i still get them once in awhile, but it feels nice not to have that pain all the time.

5. last but not least, the word "hoop" constantly gets misunderstood for the word "poop," so when i say things like, "sorry i'm so sweaty and out of breath, i was just hooping, " or, "mind if i hoop?" i get really funny reactions. BOOM!

what's all the hoop-la

2010-03-06T17:03:00.006-05:00

i don't remember ever having a hula hoop when i was a kid. my dad swears i did, so whatever. but i think not. i know i always wanted one. it looked so fun. and easy. it probably would have been easy had i tried learning then, when i was 10. but no. i tried at the ripe old age of 30.
charlie saw the hoops in walmart while we in the toy section fulfilling our end of the bribe (kids act sane, get toys). i remember saying something...sometime to him about the childhood trauma of never having a hula hoop. so he stuck one in the cart. and bought it. and brought it home and...
...found out i suck at it. it still LOOKS fun, when i see other people doing it the right way. but it sure as shit isn't easy at all, especially considering all my roundness. but i'm determined to learn to hoop. it seems like good exercise, and if i can get the fucking thing to stay on my hips, it would be really fun. it seems like the ideal way to lose weight, if i could only stop inhaling so much junk food, alcohol and sugar. :D

Hound Dog Books

2010-03-03T23:52:00.003-05:00

so i redesigned charlie's web site, Hound Dog Books. anyone who reads this blog, jog on over there and check it out. he's my boyfriend/fiancé/father of my daughter, a wicked poet and possibly even more random than i am. most of his poetry is stream of thought and free verse (my favorite kind). very random, very cool. not trying to be overcomplicated or pseudo-intellectual. he's real. and rather adorable, if you ask me.

this blog and me

2010-01-23T21:17:00.004-05:00

i noticed something...that probably no one else has noticed because no one is reading anymore. i, for the most part, have abandoned this blog. if my 24 year old self could see this, she'd be sick. however, i am coolly indifferent.

i started this thing in 2003. it is now 2010. i feel like a different person than the girl who started a weird new thing called a blog when she was 24 because some guy had one and she wanted to feel important like that. i haven't talked to that guy SINCE i was 24, yet this blog lives on. neat.

if i'm online anymore, i live on facebook. this is because the people i know in real life have figured out how to type (some just barely). all my creative ideas manifest themselves as 2 sentence blurbs which i use as a profile status. i will try to update my beloved spitnoodle, because i refuse to let her die. but my life and priorities have changed in monumental ways this past six years. i have too many distractions (good distractions, but ones that keep me from forming a thought). right now all i hear is, "mom....mom....hey, mom..," and fingernails impatiently tapping on the table as david asks me where are the oreos.

i do what i can, and that's all i can do.

rotten mood

2009-10-05T07:34:00.004-05:00

whaaat is going on with me, i can't focus on anything and i'm constantly irritated unless i'm drinking. i don't get out and do enough, but when i'm off work, i'll make any excuse not to go out and do something. i'm paranoid about driving because i need to get my car inspected and i've already been ticketed once for it. everytime i get the time to do that, i either don't have the money or the place is closed (i need to go to the place that originally did my inspection -- which is like an hour away, but i know any other place will fail it, and i can't afford to get my brakes totally fixed right now).

it's october, the weather is beautiful and i feel this antsy feeling when i'm just sitting around, like i'm a caged animal. charlie is normally at work all day (on my days off). i want to get out of the house, but then getting all of us ready (lucy, david and myself) is normally a pain in the ass and just doesn't seem worth it since i don't have money to do anything other than go to the park and last time i was there the gnats were so thick, i was inhaling them. plus not every place i feel like going is kid friendly.

i need more adult company. charlie and i don't get out enough, just the two of us. i only see mandy once in awhile, and then the neighbor across the street chitchats me when i go check the mail. other than that and family, i've got nonstop baby-crying and children's programming and toys that play the same song over and over and mom-look-at-this and mom-can-i-?? it's part of being a mother, so just suck it up and deal with it. if that's all the advice i get from people, who do i even have to talk to anymore. aaaaurgh.

want to cry and scream and pull my hair out and drink and start smoking again and throw things and eat an entire tub of ice cream and kick people in the eye just for looking at me funny. dammit dammit dammit.

these people are damn assholes

2009-05-05T13:08:00.001-05:00

i work at a hotel. i'm there right now, actually. it would be a great job if i could avoid all contact with the customers. i like the work, i like all of my coworkers, i'm treated well and, though it doesn't pay as much as i'd like, i'm comfortable here. but FUUUUCK, i want to punch every self absorbed asshole that comes in here or calls demanding the moon on a silver fucking platter for 50 bucks less than the going rate. rude, arrogent, condescending pricks that think that they can bully me into doing something against what i'm told and risk my getting fired just so they can save twenty bucks. FUCK YOU, ASSHOLES. the more you try pushing me around, the less likely i am to cut you a break. i'm not some teenage kid that you can intimidate with your gross old-man breath and beer gut. if you want something for nothing, go to the filthy motel down the hill, because that's where the fucking cockroaches belong.

ok, i think i'm done.

yet ANOTHER hundred things about me (PART 3)

2009-04-27T13:50:00.001-05:00

because i can't get enough of myself, and therefore neither can you.
(this is an addition to lists from 2004 and 2006)

201. i have two kids
202. and they're 8 years apart
203. i detest "macho men"
204. but seeing an unmacho man do a random, very manly act is SEXY
205. i just saw charlie do push-ups for the first time ever..ooooh
206. i have really unattached myself from the internet over the past 3 years
207. i haven't written any poetry (well, not much) since i got pregnant with lucy (November 2007)
208. i am trying to lose 80 lbs or more by the end of the year
209. i am listening to bob marley
210. my son is in the gifted program at school
211. i have 11 surgery scars on my midsection
212. i don't plan to have any more children
213. but sometimes plans change (but in this case, i really hope not)
214. my favorite word is BOOM, so much so that i'm getting this on my license plate (only with a few more o's for emphasis)
215. i've recently discovered that i am a WICKED cook
216. but my son, dave still won't eat 80% of what i cook
217. i secretly think i am a better parent than...every other parent in existance
218. except for my own parents, because they produced amazing me.
219. i finally got into the habit of cleaning up my house every day...although my bedroom is still a disaster
220. i'm going to be 30 in august (gasp!)
221. i had a guest at work ask me if i was 21 yet...this was last week.
222. i will always look like i'm 20. BOOM!
223. i've been with charlie almost exactly 3 years now. we met online in 2005 before i even moved to Harrisonburg and met in person in april, 2006
224. and the first time he invited me over to his apartment, he gave me a lightsaber (hey, it beats flowers)
225. my favorite sesame street character is and always has been grover
226. i just bought my first pair of Earth shoes with the negative heal and GAWD, they are the best shoes ever...even better than crocs
227. i've kept this same blog for about 6 years, since i lived in WA
228. but i don't update it nearly as much now
229. i refuse to get remarried until i am at my ideal weight
230. the night i had Lucy, when my water broke, i had a dream about my water breaking about a half hour before it actually happened. how's that for psychic.
231. i used to bellydance (when i was younger and skinnier)
232. i was in drama club in high school, and was in one play where i sang and danced.
233. when i was little, i wanted to be a dancer when i grew up.
234. but instead, now i work at a fucking hotel. oh well.
235. my 6 year old self would be disappointed in the way i turned out.
236. so would my 16 year old self.
237. so would my 23 year old self.
238. i'm not disappointed now, though. i'm quite happy with my life.
239. i write more poetry when i'm unhappy.
240. i still plan on writing a novel...someday.
241. i can't eat at mcdonalds ever since finding a dead beetle in my breakfast meal (under the eggs) when i was pregnant.
242. speaking of dead beatles, john is my favorite beatle
243. i am HUGE packrat and have a basement full of boxes of things i knew i should have gotten rid of a long time ago but...WHAT IF I NEED THEM??? GHAAA.
244. the smell of incense makes me want to write angsty poetry
245. when i was young (about 10ish) i had this paranoia that my bed would float off into space while i was sleeping and i would have to survive off of just the things i had in my bed
246. so i would stock my bed with snacks, drinks and books just in case.
247. i continued to keep provisions in my bed until i was a teenager, just out of habit.
248. i used to rollerskate every friday night when i was in high school

ok...stopping for now, i'll finish later. i know you are QUIVERING with anticipation. pshhh.

my fitness

2009-04-25T14:06:00.002-05:00

or as i say it, "mah fitneth." so i'm starting on my new year's resolution a little late. i signed up for netflix and rented Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred because i'm going to Virginia Beach for a weekend in June without the kids and DAMMIT, i want to be at least a size smaller. my goal is to lose all the extra weight by the end of the year and i think maybe this time i can do it. as long as i don't get pregnant again (i'm done with all that forever) and don't have to have any other form of surgery, that is.

it's a 20 minute workout. i thought 20 minutes can't kill me, even if it is jillian (from Biggest Loser), so i hauled my chunky ass down to the basement with my laptop and the DVD and got to it. FUUUUUUUCK. the first day was so uncool. i mean, i know it's for my own good, but OW! i'm very out of shape. my entire body shook and ached, my head hurt and i felt like throwing up. i had to lie down for an hour after, and then coming down the stairs was a bitch. the tops of my legs hurt very bad. i had to go out for a walk just to loosen them up so i wasn't in constant pain.

i did it again this morning (today is only day 2) and i had a shorter recovery time afterword (maybe 5 minutes) and my head didn't ache at all (although my legs have not really stopped hurting since yesterday afternoon). there is a lot of jumping (jumping jacks, jumping imaginary rope, running in place) and gravity and i are mortal enemies, so yeah, it's damn hard. but...i can do this.

my next update on the situation will either come after i've lost 20 lbs (BOOOOOM) or when i've given up completely (PSHHHHH). so stick around...

what a day for a daydream

2009-02-09T13:07:00.001-05:00

i used to daydream a lot. in school, at home, on mass transit, while showering, while doing pretty much anything. i would imagine what i would be like 10 years in the future. i would think about how i would die and what my funeral would be like. i would daydream about what other people might be doing behind closed doors. i would sit around and stare into space and go into this spaced out coma, oblivious to anything around me. i was physically on autopilot.

this is something i had assumed i had grown out of.

i went to a parent-teacher conference at dave's school last week. for the most part, my son is a genius. he gets all A's and B's and is in the advanced reading group. however, it was mentioned that he sometimes zones out and doesn't finish his classwork on time. i could certainly relate to that, but i still had to have a talk with dave about staying on task. it's good to have an active imagination, but there are times when it's not appropriate to crawl back comfortably in your mind and daydream. i gave this talk thinking that this is something he's going to grow out of. because hey, i did.

no. no, i didn't.

i'm here at work right now and realized after not hearing a damn word that my boss was saying to me that i was off in my own little world. come to think of it, i hear myself saying, "i'm sorry, what? i wasn't listening," a lot. just about every day, in fact. i'm a space cadet.

i stay focused for short bursts of time. if i'm at work, give me 20 minutes and i can finish almost anything with intense concentration and speed. but after 20 minutes, distraction sets in. i think that the only reason i've learned to work so fast is to make more time to daydream. as soon as i have any down time, i tune out at least 50% of what is going on around me and start imagining what is going on at home or conjuring up the beginning to my epic novel. i'll people watch and think, "boxers of briefs," or "i wonder what they're doing once their door closes?" what i imagine people doing after i check them in is probably much juicier than what actually goes on, but i can't help but picture the strangest scenarios.

i think i've worked at a hotel so long because it keeps my sick imagination working overdrive. inspiration for a novel, maybe?

but now i feel like a hypocrite for telling dave to FOCUS.

hamsters

2009-01-20T21:45:00.001-05:00

ah, the power of negative thoughts.

if you think it, eventually it will come to pass. all the things we can't do. all the holes that are poked in the optimism of others but no solution to plug them with, every snide remark to cut down other people's hope only digs the hole further.

what we all need to do is just think positive and united and it will translate into action which in turn produces results. and i think it's...

...i just realized whenhamstersattack.com is actually a site...

what was i saying?

hm.

lately...

2009-01-18T10:12:00.002-05:00

i've been exhausted. lucy alone takes up most of my time. but then i have david to take care of, i'm working outside the home, i've started babysitting a neighbor's son on weekdays and on top of that, i'm trying to keep the dishes and everybody's laundry done and the house clean.

it seems that any time i even think about blogging, lucy starts screaming or somebody needs me to do this or that or AAAAAAUGH, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. but i'm a mom, so i suppose that's way too much to ask. if something needs to be done, i'm the only one that can do it and it has to be done now.

even now, i'm trying to type one-handed with a fussy baby in the other arm. and i'm sadly watching my abandoned coffee getting cold.

life is FRUSTRATING.

let me finish this when the lucy-goose falls asleep...

*******

okay, well, i had her asleep. as soon as i put her in her playpen she woke up and squealed at me, but she's playing quietly, so i guess that works.

things always seem more hopeless with a screaming baby in your arms.

i made two resolutions this year. one is to lose hella weight. the other is to get back in touch with everyone i unintentionally shut out of my life for a year. as soon as my life started getting hectic, what with new baby and moving and surgery and family tragedies and on and on and on, i just either didn't have the time or patience to get online. which meant i left some people hanging that i didn't want to.

ok, i guess my time is up, lucy's crying.

back! sorta.

2008-10-20T22:58:00.002-05:00

so i had the baby. Lucy was born July 25 and she's perfectly healthy and adorable. she and dave and work take up a TON of my time, so i rarely get a chance to get on the computer. oh, well. someday...

i've gone to a much simpler version of blog for the time being, since i can't really spend any serious time on my blog. that and the old version took way too much time to load. i might just focus more on content and not appearance from now on (when i get a chance to blog more, that is). i think i'll be doing the same thing with the rest of my life.

abandoned blog & baby lucy

2008-06-08T11:32:00.004-05:00

i'm still alive. i seem to have abandoned all that is connected to the internet lately. well, for the past year. i'm 7 1/2 months pregnant right now with what i am told is a little girl and have just moved into a new townhouse with charlie, so things are insanely busy for right now. sincere apologies to those i have left hanging. i hope to get back in touch with everyone when i get a chance to come up for air.

thought i'd leave you with a pic of baby Lucy's 4-D ultrasound from friday. she's already 4 1/2 lbs. and isn't due to pop out till the last week of july. i have to have another c-section with this one, since i had one with davey. she's bigger than average and the doctor told me she has long legs and a lot of hair on her head already. she's got her hand up to her face in the picture and somehow her foot's up there, too.

more to come...when i get a chance...

comments

2007-07-28T05:17:00.000-05:00

i have decided to switch back to blogger commenting. haloscan used to be decent, but after a few months of not logging into their service (and really, why would i log in if everything was working smoothly), they ate all my comments. almost 2 years worth of comments, i believe, and i find that retarded. i can't imagine who would actually pay for their full service, considering how unreliable they are and the fact that they ignore months worth of complaints about this issue. i'm sick of it, man.

so if you've left me a comment in the past...couple years, i didn't delete it. haloscan is a big puckered asshole.

what's nice is that blogger has GREATLY improved their commenting over the past few years. the reason i went with halo was because at that time, blogger was only allowing comments from other blogger users, which is not the case anymore. so i think i'll be happy with this change.

open mic and the beach

2007-07-06T00:08:00.000-05:00

sitting here at work, feeling rather bummed that i got my ass over to open mic night and yet AGAIN did not get up there and read. I SUCK. and yet AGAIN, davey got up there and danced. i was ready this time, and i blame it on there being too many people on the list, but really, i never took the time to ask if i could read. i mean, davey got to get up there, i guess it was possible that i could have. no matter. i have next thursday off, so i can stay at open mic later than normal and i WILL get a chance to read....i will.

so easy to say that NOW, hah.

anyways, i haven't blogged for awhile, so i guess it's worth mentioning that i finally took a real vacation last weekend -- to Virginia Beach. i hadn't been to the beach since i was in gradeschool and davey had never seen the ocean at all before this, so charlie, davey and i drove the four hours to the beach and stayed for four days. since i work at a hotel, i get a discount on that brand of hotel. i ended up only having to pay $25 per night, which was nice, but the room wasn't worth more than that. i guess i can't complain for the price i was paying, but if i had had to pay full price for it, i would have pitched a fit. the sheets would not stay on the beds. how silly is that??

we went to the aquarium and i got to pet a cownose ray. had i seen something like that in the ocean, i would ave definitely kept my distance, but this was a "petting pool" full of them, and believe it or not, they were actually kind of cute. they looked like they enjoyed being pet, although i'm not exactly sure this was the case.

i think i'm going to try to do this every summer, go to the beach. i mean, i'm not so big on laying around on a towel and tanning, since i try to keep my skin an even grayish tone, but there's so much to do and see in a place like that. we actually saw some dudes dressed in star wars costumes just sitting there on the street corner.

well, time to get back to work and earn my dough so i can bring home the bacon...damn i'm hungry...donuts and bacon...mmmm

yada yada yada

2007-06-15T23:54:00.000-05:00

i'm at work. SURPRISE.

i'm wearing my uber-geek-chic SWEATER VEST, which is now part of my new uniform. same job, new crap. oh, well. at least i smell bitchin, even if i DO look like a dork.

i'm waiting for major change. waiting, because i know it's going to happen. i'm looking for a new job because there's going to be a change of management here and i don't handle that very well. at one of my old jobs, i got pooped on when they changed management (well, not literally, nothing that kinky). so i'd like to duck out of here pretty soon. that and i need more money. that's been an issue since i started here, so i'm not sure why i've stayed here so long.

but this sweater vest is the last straw.

it's killing me that i haven't written anything new in months and months. i mean...no, i can't say that, i've written a few things, but my poetry blog is collecting dust. wait....THIS blog is collecting dust. i've written a few poems the old fashioned way, pen and paper (gasp!), i think i'll post them tonight if i get the time.

i've been trying to work up the courage to read something at open mic night at the Little Grill sometime, but Charlie reads and then i feel like i would flop if i tried, i don't have any books out or anything like he does. Davey even got up on stage last time we went and tap danced. he was a hit, too, it was unbelievably awesome. look at that, Davey even got the nerve to get up there on stage. I SUCK!

luxury car & boob shields

2007-03-22T23:29:00.000-05:00

i've been without a car since october, which was when my chevy beretta finally died. it's been aggravating having to take cabs to and from work, or bugging charlie for rides. i was sick of being trapped in the house (funny, that. for over a year i never wanted to leave the house and now i use words like "trapped") but i had no money to get car so i was screwed.

well, i got my wicked tax refund back and bought me a '94 Lincoln Towncar. ooooooooh. i never thought i could like a car...that...big, but i do. for one, i can fit my big ol butt in there quite easily. and on that note, driving a car that big makes me look smaller. YAY. and furthermore, it feels like i'm sitting on a leather sofa when i'm driving. so freaking cozy, it RAWKS.

so i'm out and about more with this boat of a car and quite happy about that.

in other news, davey found one of my bras yesterday and put in on, it was so funny i had to take a picture, which i shouldn't really post here because that's just wrong, but you can picture how hilarious that would be, right? well, he was on the phone with my mom later that day and said, "nanny, i hate to tell you this, but mom took a picture of me wearing her boob shields."

BOOB SHIELDS!

the haunting of jenny's house

2007-02-08T03:06:00.000-05:00

charlie and i were upstairs as i was online looking for rental cars. suddenly, we both hear it. the VERY creepy sound of two people whispering...in the same room. yet we were the only ones there, and davey was downstairs. it was very clear that it was SOMEONE whispering, as we both heard that. i haven't a clue as to what it could've been, but i'm still trying to think of some rational explantation before i admit it was ghosts. although, i don't see that explanation as being so irrational.

there have been other episodes at home that make me think there may be more than just davey and i there. last year, as i was standing in the dining room talking on the phone, i was poked in the back. i turned around and no one was there. i have an electronic musical violin magnet that goes off by itself at times when these weird things happen. i hear the stairs creak when it's just me at home, and half the time i can blame it on the neigbor because his stairs are on the other side of the wall from my stairs. but sometimes it happens when the neigbor isn't home.

not only do i have all this to take in, davey is now telling me all about his "brother" or "friend" that died. he says he talks to him. sometimes this friend died in the war. sometimes he was murdered. davey is only 6 years old. it disturbs me to hear him talk that way, especially when he goes into detail about what this "friend" looks like or how he was murdered. *shiver* he has a very active imagination, i know, and this is probably just that, only repeated because it gets a reaction. but still...geez.

the FLASH

2007-01-19T06:58:00.000-05:00

hardware store

2007-01-16T01:41:00.000-05:00

last words

2007-01-15T03:54:00.000-05:00

whining, nonsmoking and the flash

2007-01-15T03:44:00.000-05:00

after surfing through several blogs, i've been asking myself this question:

why are people so whiny and defensive in their blogs?

"i think this" or "i believe this" and "if you don't like it, you can kiss my ass, now i'm going on a defensive rant for three paragraphs!!"

fuck em.

of course, i really have no morals to defend, so none of that pertains to me. life is life, it's not a morality contest. which is a good thing, because i would SO lose.

nyaa.

OH, i quit smoking for my new year's resolution. so far i've stuck to it. this is the longest i've quit since i was pregnant with davey. so far it's been about 16 days, over a week, and it's only getting easier. YAY for me, i am AWESOME. feel free to agree with me.

charlie has got me hooked on The Flash comics. i never understood his fascination with it. i thought he just had some weird fascination with the red spandex, but then i read some of them, and now i can't get enough of it. i want to read them all, now. i'm turning into a total comic book nerd, yo. :) and i think i like it. also, there's supposed to be a movie of it coming out sometime next year (so says IMDB) and i'd like to know the whole story line ahead of time, so when i see it i can be a total snob and say things like, "that's not how it happens in the comics." BOOM!

Happy New Year

2007-01-01T05:04:00.000-05:00

another 100 things about ME

2006-12-28T20:05:00.001-05:00

alright, so about 2 years ago, i did one of those "100 things about me" lists. well, i think it's about time for another list, and since i am my favorite subject, here is (drumroll please)...ANOTHER 100 THINGS ABOUT ME!! TA-DA!!

101. i'm bad at math, and frequently count on my fingers.
102. i have cavities in two of my wisdom teeth.
103. i get paranoid when i'm sick.
104. for about a week, i believed that the third floor at work was haunted.
105. i think i may have a caffeine addiction, and drink coffee and energy drinks like they're going out of style.
106. i repeat myself.
107. i have the weird ability to remember most of my dreams. i can recall at least one a night (or day) and usually very vividly.
108. i start humming without realizing it, and normally it's music from a commercial.
109. i repeat myself.
110. i use bits and peices of others personalities to form my own.
111. i steal peoples' words, also. #110 was from kurt cobain.
112. i used to daydream about living in the mall. i thought it would be so cool to kick everyone out except for the food court workers, then run around playing in the stores and fountains, then sleeping in the beds at the mattress stores at night.
113. i take things as signs and omens, even when they're probably not.
114. i secretly believe the answers i get from magic 8 balls, unless it's not the answer i want.
115. my house is messy. i clean up after myself everywhere else but not at home.
116. my brain is messy, too.
117. i forget to pay bills on time. i get disconnection notices from the electric company every month and earlier this month, i had my water shut off.
118. i have no problem sleeping for 12 hours.
119. i get spooked easily when i'm alone at night.
120. when i discover a new way to get somewhere, i tell people that i invented that road.
121. i believed in santa claus until i was 12. no lie.
122. when i eat oranges, i have this gross habit of chewing the slices up until i've sucked all the juice from them, then spitting the rest out in a napkin and throwing it away when no one is looking.
123. i snore loudly when i have a cold.
124. i have very tiny cat-like sneezes, but honk real loud when i blow my nose.
125. i love to dance in the rain.
126. i like kissing in the rain, too.
127. in an argument, i never like to admit i may be wrong, and make like i'm the expert. i'm only right about half the time.
128. i give very bad directions.
129. i call my mom Flipper.
130. i want a cat, but i don't want to take care of one or put a litterbox anywhere in my house.
131. Rockstar energy drinks make me pee florescent.
132. i frequently ramble on when talking to people and end up not remembering what my point was.
133. i've been told i have monkey toes.
134. i live in the town i was born, but have only lived here a year.
135. i make a wish every time the clock says 11:11.
136. i only paint my toenails once every couple months. the rest of the time, they look like peeled-polish nightmares.
137. i get nosey when i go into other peoples' houses.
138. i've always dreamed of having beaded curtains but i've never had a cool place to put them.
139. i used to pretend i was watching a movie on the insides of my eyelids when i was younger. i would close my eyes and replay a movie i had just seen in my head.
140. i think i'm a lot tougher than i actually am.
141. i write less poetry when i'm taking Celexa, but when i go off my medication, i feel like i'm going mad.
142. i wear Crocs shoes, and i actually think they look pretty damn cute.
143. my self image doesn't match the way i look.
144. sometimes i wish i was more ethnic or exotic. i'm german/irish and feel so bread and butter, plain. i want to be spicy.
145. i space off in the shower and just stare at the wall and daydream, then realize i've been in there for like, 45 minutes when the water gets cold.
146. i'm a nut for crossword puzzles and sudoku.
147. i'm a wheel of fortune and jeopardy fan.
148. i don't capitalize things on purpose, in case you were wondering.
149. i growl like a gay chewbacca when i'm annoyed.
150. i still have my old ponytail from a haircut 6 years ago. and it's still surprisingly soft and managable.
151. i like shopping for school supplies.
152. i try to be nice to homeless people.
153. i don't like tea or lemonaid.
154. i know little to nothing about cars, which i'm sure is why mine broke.
155. i somehow manage to talk about poo or vomit when people are eating (especially charlie), without meaning to.
156. my favorite color is orange.
157. i've smoked for exactly half of my life, and plan to quit after new years.
158. i still have my diary that i started when i was 12. i write in it about once a year now.
159. i wish vlasic would sell some of their jars of pickles without the peels. that's my least favorite part of the pickle.
160. my middle name is Raye.
161. i can't wiggle my ears or flare my nostrils, yet my son, davey can do both. how he taunts me.
162. when people don't show up when they say they will, i always imagine the worste case scenario, like what if they crashed their car and died.
163. i wanted to be cyndi lauper when i was young.
164. when i was little, i thought that there was a crazy old man who roamed around at night looking for little kids to eat, and that he picked his teeth with their bones.
165. i'm more physically flexible than i look.
166. i think farts are funny.
167. i like big old suitcases (like the one george bailey had in It's a Wonderful Life, "I want a BIG one!"), none of these annoying rolly ones.
168. for about one whole week in 1998, i seriously considered joining the navy. but then i returned to sanity.
169. when i was 11, i let the earring holes grow shut in my ears, only to repierce them with a paper clip 4 years later. ouch.
170. i like to pet things with my feet, and most times i don't even notice i'm doing it.
171. i collect frog knick knacks.
172. sometimes i forget how old i am. i have to think about what year i was born and calculate it in my head. this started happening when i hit 25 and is only getting worse.
173. i have never forgotten how old davey is.
174. i love to swim, but haven't been swimming in three years.
175. i have a bit of a sway back.
176. i have never used 'home row' while typing, and i still look down at the keyboard, too. i refuse to learn the "right way."
177. i've worn glasses since i was 7 and contacts since i was 15.
178. i have at least three secret blogs floating around the net, and would be mortified if anyone i knew read them.
179. when i was 8, i had a crush on micheal j. fox.
180. when i was 10, i had a crush on axl rose.
181. sometimes i lay on the floor, on my back and imagine what it would be like to walk on the ceiling.
182. i like the smell of national geographic magazines.
183. i'm afraid i may be a tad bit bipolar, but i'm afraid to talk to a doctor about it, because i don't want my suspicions confirmed.
184. i've been borrowing charlie's vacuum cleaner for six months.
185. my eyeballs are football-shaped, slightly pointy, which to me is kinda gross.
186. my older brothers used to call me "goo" and "juicyfruit" when i was little.
187. i'm still bitter about never having a Lite Brite or real Slip n' Slide growing up.
188. i listen to Devo sometimes.
189. sometimes i wish i could shrink charlie down and put him in my pocket and carry him around with me everywhere.
190. if i had more money, i'd probably order pizza every night. mmmm...pepperoni and onions....and green peppers...now my tummy's growling.
191. i like jigsaw puzzles and board games, but can never find anyone other than my mom that wants to play them with me.
192. i have a overwhelming urge to pop bubble wrap whenever i'm around it. it relieves stress and the sound is just...neat.
193. i still like disney's The Little Mermaid.
194. i own Hello Kitty underwear.
195. i sniff Sharpie pens and fingernail polish remover, but only once in awhile. and not enough to be considered huffing.
196. i don't like to wear shoes. or socks. they are foot prisons.
197. i love pop-up books.
198. i have to use a pencil to turn on/off my TV and change the volume, because three of the buttons have popped off of it.
199. this list has taken me three days to write.
200. i like it when people comment on my blog (hint, hint)

christmas...

2006-12-26T03:50:00.000-05:00

it's over, and that's kinda sad and a bit of a relief. same feeling every year, i guess. i got all my shopping done and what i didn't do, TOO LATE, it's not getting done now, anyhow. soon i'll be putting the tree away and the living room will be back to it's normal, unfestive state.

*sigh*

i miss christmas when i was a kid. when it took forever for christmas to come, and i only had to spend $40 of my parents' money to buy gifts for the entire family. and i got to chill for two weeks with nothing to do but enjoy the snow.

i spent more money than i could technically afford this year on gifts. christmas snuck up way too fast and was over before i could get enough of it. there was no snow, only rain and fog. and on top of this, i had to leave the confines of my parents' cozy festive house to come into work tonight.

aside from all this, though, my weekend was awesome. i had a fun time with charlie, had a great time at my parents' house, got a used recliner, a new pink digital camera and ate too much ham and macaroni. davey got loads of gifts from...everyone. most of it having something to do with superman. the gifts i gave were well received, and i got to chill and watch White Christmas with my mom. aaaaaaah, good times.

copycat

2006-12-20T03:45:00.000-05:00

if you'll glance over to the sidebar on the left, you'll notice i stuck a little meebo widget up so anyone can chitty-chat with me. that is, if you happen to be up at the hours that i'm normally online. i stole this idea from daniel, who just happens to have a wicked new blog. i'm a widget thief.

phantom smells and christmas

2006-12-20T02:32:00.000-05:00

ever get those weird phantom smells when you have a cold and can't really smell anything? i keep getting those. i mean, i can breathe through my nose but i haven't bee able to smell my food (which makes eating not quite as fun) or my perfume, so i can never tell if i smell funny. but then at random, i'll catch a smell that i shouldn't be smelling. tonight i've thought i smelled cookies, burning hairdryer and an old boyfriend's cologne. none of which are around. i hope.

well, the cookies would be alright.

so christmas is nearing, and merry will be made. gone are the days i could just sit around during the holidays and chill with some cookies and a Peanuts christmas special. noooo, this year i start celebrating three days early. friday i am spending at home, chilling with charlie and davey and opening presents, watching christmas movies and generally having a nice chill time. then saturday i will be going to charlie's mom's house with him and having some christmas chill time there. sunday i am going up to my parents' house and staying there, doing the normal christmas morning chilling, then coming back home and going to work.

i hope i have time for some snoopy in there.

woe is me

2006-12-13T01:51:00.000-05:00

i'm...so...sleepy. so hard to stay up right now, but if i doze off, i get fired. today has not been my day. i planned to sleep til 3, then chill and maybe get some laundry done before i had to drop davey at the sitter's and go to work.

well.

that did not happen.

first, davey didn't go to school today for being sick, which sorta blew all my plans for sleeping during the day. i started feeling worse, also. bad cough, sneezes, fever, body aches, blah blah blah, i'm no happy camper. had to walk to the store to get a few groceries, which wasn't so bad, until i had to walk back to the house with groceries in hand. then at about 6, i realized that i had no running water. CRAPPITY. i went the whole day without seeing the notice on my door notifying me that i would have my water shut off due to nonpayment. oops. it seems like i just paid that bill. ghaaaaa.

i had to take a cab to work, and like all drivers, he didn't understand simple directions and was 20 minutes late. i hate getting those calls, whether it be from pizza delivery drivers or cab drivers, "i'm in front of your house right now," NO YOU ARE NOT. if they had been out front, they would've seen me sitting out there waiting, and i'd sure as fuck notice a big yellow taxi.

idiots.

it's cold here at work, i'm shivering and coughing and feeling just plain miserable.

pity me.

new tv show

2006-12-08T02:40:00.000-05:00

so charlie and i had this idea for a new show while we were watching My Name Is Earl tonight...

it could carry around a little tiny list and everything.

ok...yeah...well, it was insanely funny at the time.

compensation

2006-12-07T00:32:00.000-05:00

i posted last week about how i had to kick these drunk fucktards out of the hotel i work in. it was a mess and all around bad night. there was some bloody dude crying and a guy trying to climb over the front counter and i ended up having to call the police.

well, when i came into work tonight, i found that the company that these two guys worked for felt so bad about the whole situation that they gave me a $20 gift card to O'Charley's for my having to go through all that nonsense.

now, there is a lot of guys from this company that stay here. so what i'm wondering is, what would this company give me if i just decided to kick them ALL out?

hmmm...

blogthing overload

2006-12-06T05:46:00.000-05:00

it's time for Jenny Doesn't Know What To Write But She Really Wants To Blog So Here's A Blogthing!!! YAY!!! and since these are nowhere NEAR as insanely fascinating as my usual posts, i will choose quantity over quality and do a bunch. plus, i'm at work and it passes time.

You Are 84% Indie

You're so indie, it's kind of amazing that you actually found your way to this quiz.
Generally, your tastes are genuinely indie... but sometimes you like something just because it's weird!

How Indie Are You?

Your 1996 Theme Song Is: Ironic by Alanis Morisette

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought ... it figures

What's Your 1996 Theme Song?

Your Taste in Music:

90's Alternative: Highest Influence
Alternative Rock: Highest Influence
80's Alternative: High Influence
Classic Rock: High Influence
80's Rock: Medium Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

You Are Big Bird

Talented, smart, and friendly... you're also one of the sanest people around.

You are usually feeling: Happy. From riding a unicycle to writing poetry, you have plenty of hobbies to keep you busy.

You are famous for: Being a friend to everyone. Even the grumpiest person gets along with you.

How you life your life: Joyfully. "Super. Duper. Flooper."

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.

You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

You Will Die at Age 49

Not bad, considering your super wild lifestyle
Want to live longer? Try losing a few bad habits.

What Age Will You Die?

You Belong in 1967

If you scored...

1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!

1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too.

1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all!

1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.

1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

What Year Do You Belong In?

Your Depression Level: 68%

You seem to have moderate depression.
Your symptoms are bad enough that they're effecting your everyday life.
You would benefit greatly from professional help.

Are You Depressed?

You Are 0% Redneck

I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style.
You ain't no redneck - you're all Yankee!

How Redneck Are You?

You Are 64% Bipolar

You're more than moody - you're a bit unstable.
If your mood swings are effecting your life, you may need to seek help.

Are You Bipolar?

whoa....what?? bipolar?? must talk to doctor about that one...even though that was just a stupid blogthing.

jenny's head has a silver lining

2006-12-02T05:26:00.000-05:00

wow, i work HARD. i think of the 7 hours i've been here at work, i've worked a total of 2 of those. the rest of the time? i've been on my computer doing exactly what i please.

i found another gray hair last night while i was getting ready for work. it was actually more of a silver color, and would actually be quite pretty had it not come out of MY HEAD. ughs. just another sign that i'm getting older and before i know it i'll be strutting around with a head fulla silver, still probably looking like i'm 20. and then i'll die. and this will be my grave:

BOOM!

sweet dreams / reality sucks

2006-12-01T16:57:00.000-05:00

sometimes when i wake up, i think i'd rather stay asleep and dream forever. waking up today was a rude shock.

i only remember parts of my dream, didn't recognize any of the people in it other than me and i think maybe my parents made an appearance. there was some military people in it at the end, and the whole dream must have spanned at least 10 years, because myself and the people i was around were all growing up.

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

it started out when i was young, maybe 10. i was at a christmas party at my house (although, since this is a dream, it nowhere near resembled the house i actually grew up in). i was in the living room with a bunch of other kids, and one of them was a boy i had a crush on. i don't remember his face or name, only that he seemed somewhat above me and although he knew i was there, he purposely ignored me because i was a few years younger and a girl.

the dream goes on to show me admiring him from afar, watching him with his friends. then flashes forward a few years.

now i am a teenager, maybe 14. another social gathering at my parents' house and again i am admiring him from afar, although it's not just a crush this time, i'm actually in love with him. apparently i look nothing like i really did at that age. since this is a dream, i am somewhat attractive, and although he is again with his friends, playing around and being obnoxious, he starts to notice me a bit more. i still get this feeling that he and i aren't even in the same league, although this impression doesn't come from his attitude. he's grown up and a bit softer, kinder but darker, as if he knows this cosmic secret that could destroy all of mankind, but he's too nice to tell it.

he's reading alone at some point, and i am watching him, hidden. when he leaves, he drops the book by accident and i pick it up and put it in my purse. it's a philosophical book, which makes me appreciate him more. there is something beyond words between the two of us, i can't explain it now, even while i'm awake.

again, flash forward. i am in my twenties now. there are military men in my parents' house. as if they're heroes returning from a war. he is there, one of the heroes but this time no friends around him. he appears constantly troubled, and somehow i know he's keeping a big secret. he's extremely standoffish, although he was the biggest (and youngest) hero of them all. i am in agony seeing him so sad, and i am more in love with him than before.

this is the part that gets blurry.

somehow i approach him and show him his old book i've been treasuring all those years, and this seems extremely important to him, as if he's lost everything he cares about but then finds something that he never lost but never knew he had, which he cares about more than anything. and i guess that was me. hopefully it wasn't the book.

we have a beautiful melancholy romance in secret, because we know we're both misunderstood and no one would accept it. we decide to run away together, but as we decide this, he finds out that he has this top secret assignment which would require moving away from everyone that he knows and loves and cutting off all contact. he decides to sneak me away with him, and my parents help. my mom drives me halfway to his new house, so people will see him leaving alone.

we meet up at this karaoke restaurant. i think all they served was spaghetti. he seems upset, and i find out that he can sense the future, possibly he's a bit psychic. he can't see what is going to happen, but he knows it's going to be bad. i believe him, but go with him anyways, because if something bad was going to happen to him, i wasn't going to let him go through it all alone. so after we eat, i go out to the parking lot and put my bags into his car, and davey and i (yes, i was still a mom in this dream, even though in the dream, i was never with another man) get into his car and off we go.

i can't begin to explain how happy i felt in this dream. even with this foreshadow of disaster, it was bliss. euphoric. like the best drugs ever made.

but then...

:: end of dream sequence ::

RING RING

my mom called and woke me up. before i even answered the phone, my tooth started throbbing again. i realized i forgot to turn on the alarm clock and davey would be home any secondd. when i talked to my mom, she informed me that by brother's friend had just been murdered, shot in his home. i remembered that i am broke and have no car now. and damn, my tooth really hurt.

it was like being beat in the head with a hammer. i hate reality.

at least charlie will be off work soon, then i can call and whine to him...

better tonight

2006-11-30T00:14:00.000-05:00

at work again. this is the only place i get a reliable connection anymore, so weird as it sounds, i look forward to coming to work. man i'm a nerd.

i'm having a much better night. those dipshits from last night got kicked out of the hotel today, not sure why the hell they weren't arrested last night since they did have drugs on them and they were beating the shit out of each other while disturbing a hotel full of business dudes and families. but whatever, i hope i never see them again.

one of them came down in the morning trying to act all casual. i felt like saying, "look man, i've already seen you all bloody and crying in your boxer shorts running around scared in the parking lot like a big fucking baby, you can't act cool around me now." but i kept my mouth shut.

my poor car gets junked tomorrow. it's fucked beyond repair and my only option now is the junkyard. *sigh* dunno when i'll be able to afford another car, and it sucks having to ask charlie for rides everywhere, i feel like i ruin all his days off by asking him to pick me up from work at like 7 in the morning. he can't even sleep in. i am a burden to all around me. damn me.

anyway, enough self-pity.

i have something new i want on my gravestone when i die: "Jenny. She invented the pig."

fun times at work

2006-11-29T00:04:00.000-05:00

YAY! i'm blogging at work. could life get any better?

ok, maybe. my car is dead and i don't make enough money, and i've learned from the smell in my kitchen that i am a very inefficient dish washer.

but still, good times for now.

so hm, i had an alright thanksgiving, although i had to work, but i had the following four nights off, so i'm not bitter. i got a chance to put up my christmas tree.

oh, yes, i got a new tree. this is the first tree i've ever owned that is over four feet tall. the last few years i've had a dwarf tree. now i've got one taller than me. it's like a rite of womanhood, a full-sized christmas tree is. having to wrestle with the branches to get them shaped right. swearing when half the bulbs won't light. the scratch marks from all those wirey artificial limbs. i'm getting closer to being an adult. now i just need to graduate from the kid's table at thanksgiving and all will be groovy.

uuuuughs, some drunk guy just asked me if i was available and then fell asleep standing up at the desk. i'm just going to leave him there and see if he falls down. i hate when the dudes staying here get drunk and start asking me all these personal questions and whether i have a boyfriend. NONE OF THEIR FUCKING BUSINESS. i'm just trying to do my job and all they are accomplishing is getting on my nerves. assholes. BLAHS.

i hate people sometimes. especially young drunk guys, they all seem to be fucktards.

hm, ok. 5 minutes later and the dude is still there. i wonder if he plans to stay there all night. i really hope not, i don't feel like....ghaaaaaa, he's trying to open the door to behind the desk... what the hell??? i keep telling him he's not allowed back here and he keeps trying. he needs to go up to his room and leave me the fuck alone before i call the police. and i'm about to do that. i can't stand people like this, fucking retarded.

here, this conversation is just too awkward:

drunk guy: can i get another room key, i lost mine
me: i already gave it to you, you fell asleep on it
drunk guy: oh. thanks.
me: do you need anything else?
drunk guy: just you
me: what did you just say??
drunk guy: nothing
me: good thing
**drunk guy goes to bathroom, comes out 5 seconds later**
drunk guy: can i get on myspace?
me: on MY computer???
drunk guy: yeah
me: no, not on mine, and not back here
drunk guy: oh
**lays head back down on desk**
**dude tries climbing over front desk, i threaten to call police**
**goes back upstairs**

~~time passes. police are called~~

uh, gawd, his friend broke the window in the room and ran down here all bloody. apparently drunk guy beat the crap out of him. the police are here now, this is not my night. :( the guys had weed in their room and i think one of them just tried to lie about his age...ahhhhhahahaha, now it turns out the one that's been driving has a suspended license. these guys are fucked. this is pure entertainment.

pure.

entertainment.

she's back

2006-09-24T19:31:00.000-05:00

ok, wow, it's almost as if i forgot i had a blog...

i got at job (YAY) about a month ago, working nights at a hotel. it's the easiest job in existance. i do my work and i still manage to have time to watch conan o'brien and a couple movies, drink coffee, smoke a kajillion cigarettes and play davey's game boy. slaaaaaaay.

i have dye in my hair right now. the color is called "spicy salsa," which in the real world means "red." i could only really afford one bottle so i'm hoping it's enough and i don't have to go to work tonight looking like a freak. or...more of a freak, i should say.

davey's obsessed with boobies, and the word "boobies." he's got a little game that he can plug into the tv and draw things with the joystick, and the first thing he wanted to draw was "BOOBIES." is it me, or is six years old a little young for that sort of obsession? i thought he had at least two more years of innocence, but i guess times, they are a-changin'. *sigh*

~~ time passes ~~

ok, i rinsed the dye out of my hair. it seems that it mostly dyed my roots. the rest of my hair is still all darkish but now my roots are bright red. ah, well.

more to come...hopefully...

couch and other things

2006-07-23T18:05:00.000-05:00

I GOT A COUCH!! friggin finally, i have a place to sit comfortably in the living room and watch movies. it's a second-hand one from the thrift store (only $75) but it's hella awesome. i mean, nearly everything else in my living room is second-hand, so it fits right in. BOOM.

wow, i guess i haven't posted in awhile, so hmm, so what else is going on with me..

davey turned 6 last week. we had a party for him up at my parents' house (since i didn't have a couch yet, there really wasn't room for people to chill at my house). he got a wicked telescope which i'm still trying to align and figure out how to use properly, so i can show davey how to use it. i feel like a tard. since it's a kid's telescope, i should have it figured out by now. but i havn't, so ah well.

i've been on anti-depressants for two weeks now and think i might be feeling a difference. my mom claims she sees a big improvement, so i guess that says something. i was told it could take up to four weeks to feel all the effects, so i guess i'll let myself get used to it. i haven't had any crying spells, and i've been wanting to get out and do things again, so i guess it's good times for me. now all i need is a job.

i've started these sort of job classes that i'm required to take because i am getting money from the state. i used to think that getting money like that was stupid, that i was too good to recieve handouts. but the handouts are there and available for the people that need them and dammit, i need them right now. i'm looking a lot harder for a job now, one that i WANT and one that i won't feel like i'm lowering myself for. never will i work for a fast food joint or any of that shiznit. i can find a better job than that and i will.

so anyways, these job classes, i thought i would hate them and they'd be completely useless. but no, i actually sort of like going because i get a lot further in my job search this way and receive a lot of help finding leads. not to mention the resources they have there. it's a huge problem that i can't get my printer to work with this old laptop i have, but i can print resumes and cover letters there at class. they even have the neato fancy resume paper. good times. it's insane that i've gone this long without work, but i think i'll find one in the next few weeks, at the rate i'm going.

i had a crazy stupid nightmare last night...

:: jenny's nightmare sequence ::

in my dream, charlie died. i was told he killed himself. his ghost was haunting downtown harrisonburg. i was in my car and saw him driving around, but he was all see-through, and his car was a ghost, too. i saw his bumper stickers (the save-the-earth type one and the one that says The Little Grill) and started crying, but then he disappeared. so i started frantically searching for his ghost everywhere. i finally found his ghost at the library, in the video section. he didn't say a word, he just stood there looking at me. then some dude behind me asked me for directions to somewhere and when i turned back around, charlie's ghost was gone. so i told this guy that i would show him where this place was (i think it was some sort of bar), got in my car and let him follow me. but i got lost because downtown harrisonburg was suddenly huge, like 4 times as big.

:: end of nightmare sequence ::

i'm still weirded out by that one, and probably will be until charlie calls. i woke up all upset and disoriented.

morbid

2006-07-09T15:39:00.000-05:00

i've been thinking about death lately, ever since i got the booklet from my health plan. there's a section about living wills and such and whether or not you have or plan to make one. and i thought about this. everyone thinks they have all this time to do things like that, but no one really knows how much time they have. i realize i'm young and (hopefully) will not have to worry about this for a long time, but in the off chance that something happens to me, i want to spell things out now and have things my way. because that's how i like things. my way.

just thinking beyond the living will (i still haven't decided to do this yet, as it would require talking to my family about it and that just seems weird right now), i'm already planning out where i want to be buried, which is just morbid. somewhere in the shenandoah valley, preferably harrisonburg because that's where i live and that's where some of my family is buried. a cemetery that has the big kind of headstones (not the flat kind that you can just mow over, which is the case in the cemetery my family uses). and under a willow tree. i like willow trees. i remember when i visited my nanny and pawpaw when i was little, i would get so excited when i saw the willow tree, because that means we were there. if there's no willow tree in the cemetery in the first place, i want one planted.

but in the case of the living will itself, that will take much more thought. it's one thing to plan out things that happen to my body after death, but another thing entirely to decide what should happen to me while i'm still alive and unable to have a say-so. i think if i were brain dead and hooked up to machines, i would want to be unplugged. it gives people false hope and it's expensive to leave someone hooked up like that when it's hopeless. and rather than waste the money on keeping my body alive, it would be nice to have a kickass grave stone and a little iron fence around it (and the tree) instead. plus, there's still the possibility of an afterlife. if the only thing keeping me from moving on was a stupid machine, i think i might be more than a little pissed.

things to think about i guess. i can always make one now and change it later, if i ever change my mind. it's just a weird subject to bring up around family, though. but there's no getting around talking to them about it if i decide to do this.

my fourth

2006-07-05T21:06:00.000-05:00

drove up to stephens city to watch the fireworks and such with davey and charlie, since i heard the fireworks here in harrisonburg suck. it was hella cool. like last year, they had some big musical act that hasn't been popular in 20 years of more. but it was worth driving the hour there, i suppose. plus i showed charlie the wicked cemetary in winchester and we walked around downtown. although EVERYTHING was closed, it was like a ghost town. so eerie, so weird.

speaking of ghosts, i'm all bummed because i couldn't find the haunted store in downtown winchester. i've been in there once, before i saw it on the haunted listings, and haven't been in there since. but now it seems that it's gone. i mean, if it really was haunted, i'm sure the ghost didn't go anywhere, i just don't know what it's called now. shucks. phooey. NUTS.

i think i'm gonna curl up with some pizza and watch something utterly girly. like Dirty Dancng. it's not often that i watch stuff like that, and as i say that i'm changing my mind. maybe i'll watch One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest or something that'll hold my attention a little better. i dunno, but i'm certain i want some pizza. with sausage and onions and peppers. YUM, I EAT IT!

that's the title of the children's cookbook i had when i was young...that i still use. "YUM I EAT IT" i always thought it sounded funny.

burkittsville

2006-06-26T21:45:00.000-05:00

a humid, stormy monday afternoon. we started our trip (my brother aaron, davey and i) at my parents' house an hour away. our destination: Burkittsville, Maryland. the town from the movie The Blair Witch Project. yet, only a half hour into the journey, a potential disaster threatened to put an end to our trip. a wheel on aaron's minivan, which i have nicknamed Mr. Plumple (the van, not my brother), started to wobble.

we feared a flat tire or worse, but after a quick trip to aaron's work (he works on tires for a living), it was clear it was only a simple case of loose lug nuts. so after fixing Mr. Plumple's loose nuts, and a few 7-11 hot dogs later, we again pointed ourselves in the direction of Burkittsville.

we arrived around 7pm. in the sinister fog of Burkittsville, we snapped a few pictures with my mom's digital camera. a wicked cemetery. an awesome old wall by the state park, with a statue of some sort in it.

we snapped too many pictures to post them all, like a few of a rainy entrance to the Appalatian Trail (where we saw a few hikers looking oh-so granola with their facial hair and rain gear) and the brick road downtown. after a visit to the Blair Sani-Pot to take a pee, aaron steered us out of town. but not before capturing the now-infamous photos of us by the Burkittsville village sign. BOOM!

and as proof that, yes, Davey the Boy Wonder was with us, here's a pic of my little sidekick slaying the day in the back seat of the Blair Dodge Caravan.

lappy crappity

2006-06-23T22:26:00.001-05:00

as soon as my good laptop...broke, i started getting Dell catalogs. it's as if the technology gods are trying to tell me something. the first two laptops i've had were gifts from my parents. the next one i get, i want to pick out myself. i figure since i use my computers so much now, i should be picky about what i get.

so i think the next laptop i get will be a Dell. i'm taking the catalogs as a sign. and really, they look nice. and for a nice price, although i won't be able to afford anything until i get working again (of course). what i've been salivating over today has been the Dell Inspiron E1505. compared to what i've owned, it's just so much better. not the best, but i don't need the best for what i use my computers for. plus i need something affordable.

i've never owned a Dell. i've never used a Dell. but from what i hear, they're pretty good computers and for the prices, i think they should be worth it. good gawd, compared to my old Compaq Presario (what i'm using now, 2BG hard drive and still with Windows Frickin 95 on it), anything would be better.

the jumble that is the jenny

2006-06-21T16:29:00.000-05:00

i've been reading and chatting all day. annoyed at my laptop for being old, annoyed at myself for not having a job yet and the money to replace it. i called social services and asked what i needed to do to get child care assistance. first, it seems, i need to apply for something else called TANF that no one even bothered to explain (and, by the sound of the woman's tone, they should have talked to me about it when i applied for my other assistance whatnot). so this is what i think their deal is. they are deliberatly putting me through all these applications and waiting so it takes me longer to get assistance, therefore, they give me less assistance. the fuckers.

i think i won't buy any more soda. i've hooked myself on cherry coke and my weight is...well, it's the reason i need to stop drinking so much of it. less soda, more coffee. or water. soda is too expensive anyhow. i need to lose all this weight. i've grown comfortable with all the extra jenny over the years, but now i think it's high time i get rid of it and become the normal me again. i know i'm under all this fat...somewhere.

i need to pick up a little notebook. this has been my diary...sort of, for awhile now but there's so much i can't write here and i'm sick of keeping up private blogs. it's such a pain, getting online now, anyway. AOL keeps booting me offline, it takes forever to do anything, so back to pen and paper for awhile, aside from the occasional post here now and then. but yeah *writing it down* buy one small journal-type notebook from walmart. and not one with kittens on it or other such nonsense. just a plain black notebook. yeah.

i feel things changing. i WILL see the doctor and get a job and a laptop and a couch soon. how simple that sounds, it's not as if i want the moon. i'm a simple girl, i just want a damn couch and laptop. a cozy place to sit in my own living room and do my online whatnot without my computer being an ASSHOLE. GHAAA. why have these simple things seemed so difficult for me? am i really so stupid and lazy and inept? i managed fine before, on my own.

oh my fuck, you stupid computer, can't you just stop being an asshole long enough for me to finish one post...i wish y'all could see this, i barely even touch the screen and i get these ugly purple and turquoise stripes on the top half of the screen. only ugly because they are covering up what i'm trying to write. DAMNNESS!! *smack* aaaaaaand it's back to normal.

yeah, i have the feeling the screen is about to go.

i can't charge my zen micro now that my other laptop is dead, and this old one i'm on now, it's so ancient it still has Windows 95 on it. so forget installing anything on it, including my zen software. so i've whipped out all the old CD's that i've burned over the years.

"i got my feet on the ground and i don't go to sleep to dream, you got your head in the clouds and you're not at all what you seem, this mind, this body and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways, so don't forget what i told you, don't come around, i got my own hell to raise..."

hah, fiona apple. i haven't listened to her in forever. it's kinda nice. i feel so femenist and rebellious. rawr!

ooooh, and Interpol. i haven't listened to them in about a year. 'Obstacle 1' is a very awesome song, it never fails to put me in a mood. what kind of mood, though. i won't describe it, because fuck, i don't know, haha.

and this song...'Laid' by James. very good. i can listen to it over and over and over (etc) and not get sick of it. "dressed me up in women's clothes, messed around with gender roles, dye my eyes and call me prettyyyyyyy...."

this post has become very stream-of-thought.

and long.

*sigh* ok, i'll spare y'all from more distractedness. and made up words like 'distractedness.' did i even make that up, or is that a real word?

whatever.

my dream...

2006-06-14T13:27:00.000-05:00

so, yeah, i realize i just said that i probably wouldn't be posting much lately, but i had a very...long...detailed dream last night and i remember most of it. still, after being awake for hours, i still remember the tiny details, so i might as well write it down...

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

i was at a high school photo shoot for their graduation. i was with my friend (who was only my friend in the dream, i never knew anyone like that in real life) and we were helping out. guys that i remember from high school were hanging out and hitting on the high school girls and getting their pictures taken with them.

after the photo shoot thing, i fell asleep at this house and had a dream about a cowboy trying to sleep in the woods and hide himself so he wouldn't get scalped by an indian (ahem...native american). one found him, but instead of being scared, the cowboy handed the indian a magic sledgehammer and he turned into the tin man from the wizard of oz. then the two of them played hide and seek.

i woke up...and then i don't remember much til i'm on this bus with my aforementioned friend and jared leto (although it wasn't actually jared leto in the dream, it just looked like him). it was like airplane seating, with three across and i was sitting in between the two of them. we all had headphones on and were listening to music. the bus driver stopped the bus and told everyone that she wasn't going anywhere until someone stopped tossing cans of green beans around. i caught some of the cans and stuffed them in my knapsack. jared leto was holding a kitten, and he was moving in all close to me so he could hear what music i was listening to. then i was like, "OH WOW, i just had the weirdest dream last night," and proceeded to tell them the dream about the cowboy and indian.

then we were all at my friends house, i guess she lived with her mom. she was telling leto and i all about her dad, he was a drug dealer and into gangs and all that. her mom pulled up to the house and told her that her dad had just been murdered. she seemed to be relieved and wanted to move away. so the three of us decided to move into the house that i had fallen asleep in earlier.

this was a house that i had dreamed of before, it was three stories, had a giant playroom and the upstairs bedroom was haunted. for some reason i thought it was my grandma's old house even though now that i'm awake i know it's not. i was terrified of the upstairs bedroom, it was evil. i had flashbacks of opening the door and things were flying aroud the room and the lights were really dim. the only light, actually, came from the bathroom at the far end of it.

and that's about all i remember as of yet.

:: end of dream sequence ::

disaster strikes

2006-06-13T21:28:00.000-05:00

so my regular laptop (IBM Thinkpad) is dead. officially DEAD and now i'm stuck with just my old one to use until i can afford to buy a new one, and that might be awhile. i started it up the other day and all it did was make this grinding noise and gave me an error message over and over. i could do NOTHING.

my old laptop (Compaq Presario, which i am using now) has SO many problems, and i'm surprised it's stayed on long enough for me to write this and go online to post it. it shuts off at random and freezes like a sunnabitch. i've had it since i graduated high school, so it's pretty old. but at least it's something i can check my email with.

so sad. i live on the computer, so this is uber inconvenient for me, but at least i have this crappy backup for the time being. it's doubtful i'll be online much, other than to check my mail (and even that takes forever, because i'm using dialup w/ AOL and half the time AOL stops responding) so i doubt i'll be updating my blogs much, until i get a nifty new lappy.
blahs.

uptight and antisocial, ughs

2006-06-04T23:29:00.000-05:00

i've been in the weirdest moods. up and down, back and forth and sometimes sideways. i think sometimes that i should start drinking again, at least once in awhile. i so miss that happy buzz. and i'd stop being so uptight. i can't stand uptight people. y'all get the corndogs out off your ass and be zen. and when my son accidentally bumps into you while doing spiderman moves in Food Lion, please do not look at me as if i were trash. none of that 'control your child' look, unless you want that 'you need to get laid, old bitch' look.

you got a fast car, but is it fast enough so we can fly away, we gotta make a decision, we leave tonight or live and die this way...

i like that song. tracy chapman, i think it's by.

part of my horoscope today says, "Be extra nice to yourself today, even if you feel isolated from others." and i do feel pretty isolated today. i hate being alone. how silly is that. i consider myself antisocial, maybe i'm not so much. man oh man i need to find a job and soon before i go bonkers. i'd rather be surrounded by people and wish i were alone than be all alone and lonely.

like a movie

2006-06-01T22:54:00.000-05:00

i feel like i'm someone else watching a movie of some chick with my face, but who is acting like a character in a movie, set in what looks like my life. almost dream-like. i feel a bit removed from things. i want to be more immediate but i live so much in my head, sometimes it's difficult. i've been losing time. i notice there are whole weeks that are like "WTF, where did that time go." it's not that i black out or anything, or forget. i remember everything but...i dunno, i feel like i'm going bonkers sometimes. time is passing way too fast for comfort, maybe that's something that starts happening to everyone as they grow older. it just feels so sudden.

i've decided to have different soundtracks for my different moods. here's the soundtrack for this mood i'm in now:

A Lack of Color by Death Cab For Cutie
City of New Orleans by Arlo Guthrie
One by U2
Virgin State of Mind by K's Choice
Foolish Games by Jewel
Aint No Sunshine by Bill Withers
April Come She Will by Simon & Garfunkel

mm hmm. like anyone was interested enough to read that. of course, i don't really care, but i do try to stay somewhat entertaining. doubt it's working, but fuggit.

i think the sexiest word for the butt is "fart box."

nothing to say (?)

2006-05-24T17:29:00.000-05:00

i need to write more than i have been. i have things to say and they don't want to come out. i feel so dull sometimes, because i'm never comfortable enough to spew out the things i'm really thinking and feeling. if i write something here, i'm not erasing it. so i'm kinda picky about what i post.

i could write about the irritation i'm having right now at the little girl from across the street. davey plays with her and her brother and sister all the time, and generally they're good kids. polite. davey gets angry at them a lot, but he's still learning to share and such, plus he's an only child so he's not as used to it. but today i swear, that little girl has rang my doorbell a dozen times asking if she can bring this toy or that toy out, poking her head into the house and looking for a toy of davey's she wants to play with. next time the doorbell rings, i'll tell her to ask davey if he wants her to play with his toys, because i am not to be bothered with such nonsense. i like kids, but other people's kids annoy me sometimes.

i could write about dragging my feet when it comes to seeing a doctor. i thought that once i got medicaid, i'd be calling the doctor immediately and setting up an appointment, getting this depression nonsense straightened out. i keep telling myself that maybe it's going away. but i know it's not, because once i'm by myself it's the same ol' deal. i can fake that i'm ok around other people but once it's just me i'm a mess again. i know i need to see a doctor, i know i need medication. i'm done trying to talk myself out of it just because other people tell me that i'm fine and i just need to get out more, it's all in my head, yada yada yada. funk dat. i need to stop listening to them and go with my instincts. i know me. i know when things are seriously amiss and right now they are.

ok, that was kinda personal, but there ya go. my fucking blog, writing what i want.

dammit, that little girl better not have just walked into my house without ringing the doorbell.....FUCK, there's the doorbell, i swear that girl is gonna wear it out...

*answering door*

"can i bring out just one more toy pleeeeeease???" as she stares around my living room at davey's toys. damn other people's kids. if i ever caught davey doing that to someone else's parents, he'd be grounded. that's just fucking annoying. i can deal with davey's whining, but any other kid tries that with me and they have a death wish. i can't handle that. they did not come out of my womb, they do not deserve my patience.

i just wish it would start raining or something so all the kids would have to go play in their own houses.

i'm wigging out over this bird flu thing. i heard once on the news, don't mess with dead or injured birds. and now davey's out playing and telling me about this dead bird, or that sick bird he found, and i run out there like a maniac shouting to the neighbor kids, DON'T MESS WITH THE BIRDS, THEY HAVE GERMS, THEY CAN GET YOU SICK! they probably think i'm insane. i did help one of the birds, against my better judgement. it was just a baby and sitting there all pathetic. i hate that i care. so i picked it up with a giant wad of paper towels, stuck it in a shoebox and let it watch the final episode of Will & Grace with me. i let it go in the grass after that and it was gone an hour later. i don't know if an animal got to it or no, but i told davey that it got better and left to find it's family.

that's enough writing for now. apparently i did have something to say.

farting preacher

2006-05-21T15:39:00.000-05:00

my brother sent me the link for this. sure, fart jokes are rather juvenile, but when have i ever worried about being immature. charlie and i watched this video and others similar to it (there are five different farting preacher videos), laughing to tears for at least an hour...

sick of the clutter

2006-05-15T23:21:00.000-05:00

ok, i've been sick of all the clutter on this blog for months now and have finally decided to do something about it. i've taken away a lot from the sidebars, things i didn't have any real reason to have there in the first place other than to take up space. pictures, links, blogrolls, blinkies, games, even my shoutbox is gone. it took too long to load and annoyed the crap out of me.

and i've added something. a feed from my poetry blog, which is off to the right. i figured i may as well have something useful there, and seeing as how i post on that blog half the time, it seemed important.

i think i still like the way my blog looks at the moment, but if i ever get sick of this layout and want to make a complete do-over, i may also consider moving my blog to wordpress, which is where i have already moved my poetry. but this wouldn't happen for awhile, if that even happens at all.

so enjoy the slightly tidied up version of the Noodle. now i'm going to bed.

weekend whatnot

2006-05-15T19:00:00.000-05:00

i've been offline a lot lately. lots to do, socializing being done, groceries being bought, bills being paid, an unnatural amount of time curled up in bed... anywho, so what did i do this weekend...

i went to a mother-daughter banquet on saturday. this is the second year i've went to this thing with my mom and other family. last year was a nightmare. i had nothing nice to wear then, so i just wore jeans and a shirt and stuck out like a big fat sore thumb. the women in my family make me feel like the jolly green giant. i'm at least a good five inches taller than all of them, so when pictures are taken of us, i'm towering over them like an amazon woman.

also last year, the food sucked, the coffee sucked, and the guest speaker was a freak dressed as the virgin mary. it was in a small room crowded with little old church ladies and their families. the floral pattern on the walls only made the room seem smaller than it was, and there i was all claustrophobic and wigging out. i was bad times.

this year, however, was completely different. it was held at the same place, only in a different, much bigger room. the food was awesome and this time i had a skirt, so everyone wasn't staring at the underdressed mammoth. the guest speaker sat with us while we ate and she was awesome.

anyways, sunday i went up to my parents' house and dragged charlie along with me. good times playing trivial pursuit with my momma and watching tv with my dad. my brother never showed, but he sent me this disturbing yet funny video of dogs doing the nasty chacha.

okey dokey, i think that's about it. gawd, i feel so much better, having time to finally sit and write a post and check email and such. i hate being away from my laptop for too long, i can't handle it, man!

gray day

2006-05-07T11:54:00.000-05:00

i want to sleep. i want to cry. i want to scream and throw things and whine and growl and let everyone stare, fuck em.

but i'll just sit here and wait for life to go by. i'm so...numb. i don't want to do anything, i don't want to eat...i really just would like to disappear until...i don't know. until life decides it likes me again. i just can't do anything right. every time i roll the dice it's a zero. life, you fucker, you gave me a blank dice.

what's funny is that i'll probably be wicked happy and bouncing off the walls here in a few hours. i dunno what's up with me, but i'm quite sure i need mind altering drugs.

andrea's dead

2006-05-05T20:52:00.000-05:00

oh HELL no, that did not just happen.

andrea is a huge part of ghost whisperer, and she died. i did NOT see that one coming, i thought her brother had died in the plane crash. it never dawned on me that she had died. i mean, when she left the store before the plane crashed, the thought occured to me that she COULD die, but when i saw her show up later, i thought she was alive.

i love this show. almost every episode makes me cry like a retard, but this episode, the finale, made me bawl like a baby. whaaaaaaa....ok, i'm a nerd.

wacky movies of the subconscious

2006-05-02T11:58:00.000-05:00

i remember my dream from last night in GREAT DETAIL, so i figured i'd share it...

:: jenny's dream sequence ::

i was outside a deserted roller rink. it was on the edge of the campus of my old high school. my old friend, michelle, was sitting on a bench with me, and both of us were dressed very goth. some guy came over to talk to us about being goth, he said he was from the newspaper. we agreed to talk to him, but he said he had things to do at the moment, but could we meet him there at that bench at midnight. we agreed.

i think we sat there the whole day, until this other dude showed up (i recognized him in the dream, but now i don't remember who it was) and apparently this was michelle's boyfriend. he had a couple other people with him, with which it seemed we were all friends, and we went into the roller rink. instead of a wood floor, there was ice down, so we all put on ice skates and little ice-skater outfits and went at it (i have never ice skated in my life, yet i was twirling around on the ice like a pro).

after awhile the random friends left and it was just michelle skating with her boyfriend, and me, the third wheel. i was getting all bummed and then this guy that i used to work with walked in and popped on some ice skates and started skating with me. it was like some kind of weird competition between michelle and i, like a skate-off, haha. it was just more awkward with me because i was taller than my skating partner.

then i guess the rink was closing and they forced us out really fast (there was just the four of us there, plus the guy working there) and i never got a chance to get dressed, i was still in my ice skating outfit, but everyone else was dressed and walking back out to the bench outside. my normal clothes were still inside the building as they were locking it up, so i was stuck looking like a fruitcake.

i tried calling the newspaper dude on my cell and didn't get an answer, and by then it seemed to be really late, like 3am of something. everyone else started to go home, and i started freaking out and crying for some reason. i hopped in a convertable and started driving like a drunk. somehow i turned into Elton John...i mean, i was still ME, i just looked like him...and i was still wearing the ice skating outfit. i wrecked the car down this steep hill beside the road somewhere. people heard it and came running saying, "look, it's elton john," i was so relieved that no one would know it was really me.

:: end of dream sequence ::

what's weird is that i woke up very bummed and upset. the whole dream just had this depressing tone to it. i just tried to dye my hair dark brown again, and once again it came out black, so that may account for the whole "goth" thing. i dunno. oddness.

weird rollercoaster jenny

2006-04-28T17:50:00.000-05:00

yesterday i was about as down as i get. well, close to it. it's weird looking at thursday's post knowing i felt that bad less than 24 hours ago. i feel amazing today. it's one of those fluke good days where i don't much worry about anything and everything feels right. i wish these kinds of days weren't just flukes, but ah well, i'm grateful for what good days i have and everything else...well, fuggit.

davey came home with his report card today. my boy's a friggin genius, i knew that already, but it's nice to have that idea reinforced by his teacher. this was his best report card yet and he knew it. the minute he stepped off the school bus, he started digging around in his backpack to show it to me. stopped right there in the middle of the street to do that, hah, i had to drag him over to the sidewalk so the school bus could drive away.

he's out playing in the front yard now. i'm so happy i actually have a place with a yard now, instead of being in an apartment surrounded by creeps. i was afraid to be outside myself there, in my old apartment, with all the drug busts and shootings, it was rough. but now i'm in my awesome little townhouse with a happy little mini-yard (that i don't have to mow) and a big tree out front (that some dude comes and cuts back every once in awhile). i feel like a spoiled brat. ahhhhhh.

cake

2006-04-27T19:40:00.000-05:00

feeling rather yucks. very cranky and nervy. my stomach hurts and everything i've got to do seems like too much for me to handle. i want to crawl in a hole. and i want some chocolate cake. bad.

as soon as i think i'm feeling better, some gray creeps back in and i'm back to where i started. this sucks. i don't even want to think, i just want to shut my brain off and crawl into bed and sleep for a week. but then the more i sit around and mope, the more things pile up around me. i feel like i'm being buried in to-do's that i never have the energy or willpower to get done.

and dammit, i want some cake.

davey's losing his patience with me and vice versa. i say things and hurt his feelings and i don't even realize it, he's such a sensitive kid. and then when i try to apologize, he doesn't want to listen. sometimes he just wants to be mad at me and i don't blame him. if i were him, if i had me for a mom, i'd be pretty mad, too.

*sulking*

i want some cake...

my new label

2006-04-26T14:27:00.000-05:00

after a recent discussion with the diggity-dan-man about spirituality, i have decided to look around for a better label for my beliefs (because people seem to like labels). the confusion came in when i stated that i believed in an "afterlife" and the idea that there was more to humans than just the physical. i mean, how could i believe in ghosts if i didn't believe that?

so he asked, "So, how does that fit in with being agnostic?"

and i thought about that. it seemed clear enough to me, but i figured my label of being "agnostic" might be a little confusing. i tried to explain what i believed, but all in all i think i just ended up confusing myself. so i looked to trusty wikipedia for some insight on how to better explain myself next time that question came up, and i believe i found it.

Agnostic spiritualism: the view that there may or may not be a god (or gods), while maintaining a general personal belief in a spiritual aspect of reality, particularly without distinct religious basis, or adherence to any established doctrine or dogma.

so i am an "agnostic spiritualist" now. i mean, i always was, i just didn't have a proper label for it til now. although IMO, it's not as good as the term i came up with yesterday, "optimistic confusion," but it will have to do.

sleepless me & radio.blog updates

2006-04-23T23:15:00.000-05:00

i hate this. i thought i was tired, so i real quick-like jotted down whatever poetry was bouncing around in my head, then got ready to go to bed. and man, now i'm wide awake. this happens to me quite often, it's maddening.

so anyways, i figured i had neglected my radio.blog long enough and decided to add a few songs i've been listening to a lot lately. i've just started listening to Death Cab For Cutie and have decided that this is my new happy-music. you know, the kind of stuff that makes you want to hop around and shoot rainbows out of your fingers. i can't get their song 'Soul Meets Body' out of my head..."so brown eyes I hold you near, cause you're the only song I want to hear, a melody softly soaring through my atmosphere" so go have a listen, it's good stuff.

my grandma's day & other things

2006-04-23T18:48:00.000-05:00

went to my nanny's (grandma's) birthday celebration at her church today. i was told, "it won't be a service," but it was, so i was tricked into going to church (i'm agnostic and get a bit annoyed when preached at). ah, well, half of it was people talking about my nanny, so i can overlook having to stand there among the hymn singers and trying not to yawn too loudly.

my nanny is 80 and she's been the organist at her church for 71 years. since she was 9. that's an insane amount of time, also that she's been at the same job at a music store for something like 44 years, and is still working there. it blows my mind, seeing as how nowadays that kind of thing is almost unheard of, with people switching careers at least 2 or 3 times in their lifetime (i think i read that statistic somewhere, i could be way off, but if i'm wrong, feel free not to correct me). and it's such a cool job, working at a music store, surrounded by pianos and guitars and sheet music and such.

ok, onto other things...

i've been feeling rather good lately. like time is reversing itself and i'm regaining my nerve. after i had lived in WA for awhile, i had almost completely climbed out of my shell and overcome most of my shyness and childhood anxieties. but then after moving back here (virginia) two years ago, i started retreating back into myself again. like i had been turned back in to the quiet, friendless 11-year-old version of myself. only this time i have a kid and am expected to act like a responsible adult.

but, anyway, i think things may be a-changin. although, i still think i need to talk to a doctor about it, because depression does run in my family. i need me some drugs. anything that will get rid of that urge to stay in bed all day and cry would be a good thing.

the hallmark bandit

2006-04-21T10:30:00.000-05:00

here's the article about my cousin's ex-boyfriend...

April 12, 2006

A man Charlottesville police have in custody for a robbery last night may be the same man Albemarle county police have been looking for.

Police said 43-year-old Bernard Rodenhizer was arrested last night charged with robbing the hallmark store in the Barracks Road shopping center.

Police said he walked into the store and asked the teller for change and then grabbed the drawer as she opened it. Police caught him a short time later.

It turns out Albemarle County police were searching for Rodenhizer too. They said he tried to rob the Wood Grill Buffet on Branchlands Blvd Tuesday afternoon. He gave a note to a clerk asking for money. He didn't get any and then took off on foot.

also, here's the blog of the hallmark cashier that was working at the time of the robbery. poor girl.

again, i say. who the hell robs a HALLMARK.

finding other people's poetry

2006-04-21T00:59:00.000-05:00

i found a poem in one of my old books, a love poem, that i did not write. nor do i know who wrote it. i only know that it was written on a page from one of my old notebooks, and the book was bought while i was living in my apartment in WA, so i assume that was where it was written. who was it for? i don't know that either. i don't recognize the handwriting. i had people living with me or over all the time then, occasionally leaving their mental droppings in my poetry notebooks or random scrap papers, so it's really hard to tell. but geez it's intriguing. whoever wrote it was either drunk or completely smitten with someone or both. i have more than a few drunken infatuation poems that i myself have written over the years. but i know 200% that i did not write this one, because...well, i just don't write like that.

i just rediscovered the near-empty journal that dani gave to me before i left WA, with her "love poem for gwyn" on the first few pages. gwyn was one of my nicknames, the poem is for me, and it makes me a little teary because it's so sweet. i feel like i should start carrying this notebook around, now is the time to start filling it up with poems. i feel like i need to live up to her words for me. which feels impossible now, but i think i'll at least try. the journal's got little random quotes on each page, like, "let's ignore our mothers' well-meant advice," and, "she refused to let common sense cloud her judgement." i like that.

the cam, it's gone

2006-04-19T15:40:00.000-05:00

after noticing that someone's been refreshing my blog over and over and over (etc) i think it might be worth noting that i took the cam off my blog for awhile. i got sorta sick of being stared at, plus my laptop is getting pretting moody and decides to slow way down when i have my cam program open. so you'll just have to gaze longingly at my picture in the sidebar (hah, i'm such a tard) and cry yourself to sleep. BOOM!

now i'm gonna go make dinner. green eggs and ham, mmm.

a glance at the stats

2006-04-19T00:53:00.000-05:00

oh wow. i've just been looking at my stats, and it's funny to see what people are searching for when they stumble upon my blog. here's a few of them, along with my thoughts...

song in silence of the lambs when buffalo bill is getting dressed - what an awesome scene. the song is called 'Goodbye Horses' by Q. Lazzarus.

working at office max - it sucks. but see, i only worked there for like a week before i wigged out and had to quit. that's my problem. but also, working at office supply stores suck. working retail sucks. i hate pretending to be a people person.

blog school nurse needle butt - that sounds like a dream i had once...or...will now have tonight...

fat ass joey - every time i see the name Joey, i think of a baby kangaroo. honestly, i don't think i've ever personally known anyone with the name Joey. so why do i have that in my blog title? that's a long drawn out story about a couple of inside jokes that won't be funny to you because you weren't there, in the moment. unless you are Dani, in which case you were there.

britney spears tied up and gagged - i wonder, is this a fifty year old married man searching for this? personally, i'd like to see that too, but not in a sexual way.

smurfette screensaver - WTF, i don't think i've ever used the word smurfette in any of my posts. how the...

easter

2006-04-17T17:42:00.000-05:00

my holiday was great. i was surprised, i thought...rainy weekend, family, davey full of sugar...maybe not so good. but it turned out to be excellent. awesome visit, awesome food, and cadbury eggs. it also thunderstormed last night, which looked wicked cool up at my parents' house in the woods.

i heard that my cousin's ex boryfriend has turned criminal. he ate at some buffet in charlottesville and then afterward, stuck his finger in his pocket and robbed them. and if that wasn't lame enough, he held up...get this...a hallmark store.

who the FUCK holds up a hallmark store?? i mean, it's not good to rob ANY place, don't get me wrong, but how moronic is that. and now i'm wondering, was he planning this for awhile, or was he in there buying a card or a teddy bear or something and thought, "I'M GONNA ROB 'EM"

i don't pretend to understand.

my downstairs closet is a swamp. i called to have someone come out and fix the water heater, waited all day for him to show up, look at it, and say, "yup, it's leaking." *sigh* ok, so tomorrow i guess i'm trapped here waiting for someone ELSE to come out and replace it, then i have to wait for yet ANOTHER person to come out and suck the water out of the carpet. the carpet sucker. that sounds like lesbian porn.

2am and easily distracted

2006-04-14T01:34:00.000-05:00

dammit. once again, it is 2am, and i am awake. i have to wake up at 6:30 to get davey off to school. BLAHS. why am i up tonight? well, i was thinking, "hey, maybe i'll get to bed early tonight," since i can't pass back out in bed after davey leaves for school in the morning because freaking social services LOST MY FUCKING PAPERWORK because they don't know how to do their damn jobs.

...there's some jack black ripoff on carson daly...gawd this show sucks monkey nuts...

anyways, what was i saying...aw, yeah. i was going downstairs to shut off the TV and lights and whatnot, and i noticed the carpet was wet. the damn water heater or whatever is leaking. worse than that, it's in a closet where i stored a lot of boxes, so when i went to move them, the bottoms fell out of them because they were soaking wet and now IT'S A FUCKING MESS.

*deep breath*

here's a little poem about the past few nights...

leno, conan
awesome, awesomer
stupid carson
you're not funny
so quit trying.
reruns of
leno, conan
sleepy, sleepier
blissful dreaming
BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ
aw, fuuuuuck.

i feel a weird mixture of angry and weird and inspired and indifferent. i had a teacher in high school call me that, on my report card. "she appears indifferent." i remember he always seemed to have an erection, or whatever, his pants made that little...tent. he would sit on his desk and lecture, and everyone noticed it and giggled. so really, i wasn't indifferent, i was just distracted.

hey, now a leno rerun is on. that's hella better than carson daly, but i don't want to be awake--WTF just hit the wall??? it's the haunting, ooooh....oh, nevermind, it's davey, i must go check on him...

*checking on davey*

freaking weird, i KNOW i heard him crying, but when i checked on him he was fast asleep. so maybe it was like on blair witch where they thought they heard josh screaming but it wasn't him, it was the blair witch. maybe the centipedes are imitating davey's voice in an attempt to draw me out of my bedroom so they can crawl all over me with their nasty kajillion legs. ghaaa, like the blair centipede.

or maybe i need to go to bed before i write anything stupider...

round two (in my pants)

2006-04-11T18:45:00.000-05:00

ok, i did this last year, and i felt like doing it again. yes, it's silly and immature. but it's also fucking funny. the name of the game: IN MY PANTS. don't get excited, now, all's ya do is take any song title and then add the words "in my pants" at the end. such as, the song 'I Am the Walrus' would become 'I Am the Walrus In My Pants.' and the song 'Mama Told Me Not To Come'...well, figure it out ;).

i won't insult my readers' intelligence by adding the endings myself, i'll leave that to you. so here goes...

Wish You Were Here
Classical Gas
You've Got To Hide Your Love Away
Don't Pull Your Love
Papa Don't Preach
White Rabbit
Aint No Sunshine
Should I Stay Or Should I Go
Master of Puppets
When the Children Cry
Man In the Box
Milk It
Hidden Place
Glory Box
Peek A Boo
Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'
Squeeze Box
The Kids Are Alright
Running With the Devil

feel free to add your own in my comments. you know you want to.

the haunting of jenny

2006-04-07T22:34:00.000-05:00

i've never seen one. but i keep an open mind about ghosts, because hey, it's fun to believe. and no one wants to just stop existing when they die, and i don't really believe that happens. i want the opportunity to haunt the everloving shiznit out of someone when i die.

so ok, to my point. i was on the phone yesterday talking to my mom, standing in the middle of the dining room, half listening and half just spacing off and staring at my car out the kitchen door window. my skateboarding kermit the frog antenna topper slays that much, i'm tellin ya.

i felt a POKE on my back near my neck, and spun around like WTF, and nothing was there. not davey, and really, i don't know if he's even tall enough to reach. no wall to bump into. nothing. there was pressure behind this, not like a blood vessel thingy, this really felt like a finger jabbing me in the back.

so i let me mom listen to me wig out for a few minutes, let her go so i could do the dishes and hung up the phone. before going into the kitchen, i heard someone knocking on my door. davey said he heard the doorbell, but i heard knocking. he might've just been confused, i don't know. i was in a strange state and was having trouble comprehending that there was no one at my door. or either of the neighbors' doors, for that matter, which i sometimes mistake for mine. but nada, no one.

so, yeah, let that go, although i was rather befuddled and had a bit of the heebeejeebees, and i went into the kitchen to wash the dishes and start dinner. i have this little violin magnet on the fridge, that when you touch the bow to the strings over and over, it plays out a song. without being touched, it let out one long note and stopped when i turned around. i stared at it a second and it started playing Ode to Joy really fast. so i threw in onto the kitchen table and it stopped until a few minutes later, when davey wandered over to stare at it, which is when it belted out a lighting fast rendition of Auld Lang Syne.

then, while i was trying to remain calm and finish the dishes, i hear this loud POP right next to me. it sounded as if someone had one of those snack size bags of chips and squeezed it til it popped. but like hell if i could find what it was. and not only did i hear it once, i heard it twice. both right beside of me. i left the dishes for later, man, that was just NUTS.

so...fuck, not only do i have centipedes, i have a poltergeist.

i wonder if they make a Raid for that...

random thoughts

2006-04-06T13:41:00.000-05:00

first ten thoughts to pop into my head:

joan rivers' face is scary and inanimate.
brown sugar, sweet onion, mccormick chicken seasoning...remember this until you write it down...oh look, i just wrote it down.
if more women knew the secret of excruciatingly tight pigtails, there would be less women getting facelifts.
my scalp hurts.
i think i had a dream about beaded curtains.
toss me a cigarette, i think there's on in my raincoat, we smoked the last one an hour agooooo....
i'm turning into my mom. i watch soap operas, spend all my time on the computer, drink too much coffee and smoke like a chimney. all i need to do now is shrink five inches and get a perm.
i want a copy cat, like the one on the Staples commercial. >^oo^< meow.
why can't the radio station here play any old Nine Inch Nails songs. it's just the new Hand That Feeds song, what is up with that. not that it's not a good song, but it's played too much. throw in some old stuff. also, stop playing the redneck morning radio show, it makes me want to vomit acid through my nose.
i like cupcakes.

happy day, and i hate generic shampoo

2006-04-04T18:28:00.000-05:00

today, i am happy.

yeah, even though i woke up too late to make a crock pot dinner (how fucking lazy am i) and broke a light bulb on the kitchen floor (which is more than annoying, but i love to hear that popping glass sound ever since working at GE), it is a good day.

because, centipedes, i bought some mofo Raid, so yo' ass is grass.

another thing. i recommend no one who wants to save money buy anything of the generic Food Lion brand. their stuff is not only worse, you have to use more than you would with the name brand. so there is no good deal there.

example #1: i bought their generic brand shampoo and conditioner, which said "compare to the ingredients of Pantene." well, i'm sure they used less of said ingredients and added a lot of water or something, because the shiznit left my hair in tangles, and i had to use more and now i'm out already. had i actually went ahead and bought the Pantene in the first place, i'd still have half to two thirds of the bottles left. it's insanity. but it's ok, because i just bought some coconut Sauve shampoo & conditioner, so i will now smell like a coconut from head to toe.

example #2: their laundry detergent is too thin and smells like dish soap. i dunno, it may be dish soap, passed off as laundry detergent. but it sucks. again, had to use twice as much.

example #3: their dish soap also sucks. same senario, had to use twice as much. the crappity seems like it's just blue water with a drop of dish soap in it.

so bite my ass, Food Lion brand. don't get me wrong, it's a good store, their produce kills Wal Mart's to pieces. but...ok, i just spent way too much time bitching about that, i'm so lame.

why am i so cheap?

oh, yeah. BECAUSE I'M SO BROKE.

weekend whatnot

2006-04-01T19:40:00.000-05:00

such a pretty day today. i heard kids playing outside so the world doesn't seem so deserted. popped open all the windows even though everything is in bloom and making my eyes water with allergy. i actually made something for dinner, not out of a box, mind you, that davey likes. i've been unpacking more and more (agghh, i know, i've been here almost four months and i'm not done unpacking) so my living room almost looks like...a living room.

some of the boxes i'm going through i haven't opened since i was young, these were things that have always been stored in the back of my parents' garages throughout the years. things from when i was like, 10 and younger. little glitter pink sweaters and white church dresses. sickening. but i did find an old gremlins sweatshirt from when i was maybe 7 or 8 that fits davey, and he's been wearing it since yesterday, even though it's getting warm out. it's weird, i remember wearing it, and now it's on my son. i feel a little old.

it doesn't help matters that i found another gray hair while eating dinner at my parents' house. and yes, it came from my head. that's just not fair, i am too young for that shiznit.

i'm glad i've had all week to spend more time with davey (he's been on spring break) but now i'm looking forward to monday when i watch him take off on the bus and i have the house to myself again. at least for a little bit. i'm thinking as soon as he leaves for school i'm gonna get off my fat ass and dig out one of my old exercise videos. if i become any more inanimate, i'll take root. i figure since the diet didn't seem to work, the exercise might. i know, it might actually work to do the diet and exercise AT THE SAME TIME, but fuck, people, that's just too much torture to do all at once.

more blogthings

2006-03-31T22:47:00.000-05:00

because i am bored...

You Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways.
And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery...
Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever.
You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

Your Quirk Factor: 73%

You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal.
No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."

How Quirky Are You?

You Are Rowlf the Dog

Mellow and serious, you enjoy time alone cultivating your talents.
You're a cool dog, and you always present a relaxed vibe.
A talented pianist, you can play almost anything - especially songs by Beethoven.
"My bark is worse than my bite, and my piano playing beats 'em both."

The Muppet Personality Test

You Are 40% Abnormal

You are at low risk for being a psychopath. It is unlikely that you have no soul.

You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at high risk for having a social phobia. It is very likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

i have a song stuck in my head

2006-03-30T22:23:00.000-05:00

Hide and Seek' by Imogen Heap.

this song is...a bit odd and now i can't get it out of my head, it's really grown on me. i saw her perform on Last Call with Carson Daly (i hate that man, and i never mean to watch his lamer than lame show but if i don't shut off the tv after conan...well, that's what i get). she was awesome live, also, which listening to the song i wouldn't have thought had i not seen the performance first.

she looked like a bit of a wack job on the show, appearance-wise, like she was trying too hard to look original, but her voice won me over and now i can't stop listening to this one song. i may have to...uhh...*ahem* BUY her album ;) because i've only heard one other song by her now (Goodnight and Go) and that one was catchy but slighty too poppy for everyday or in-the-car playing.

ok, that is all. hopefully my life gets more exiting, because i need some better blogging/poetry material.

Googlism for: jenny

2006-03-19T18:31:00.000-05:00

ok, there were like a kajillion of these. i'm only posting some.

jenny is having a baby :: uhhh, no. :(
jenny is a very social woman :: i am the opposite.
jenny is famous :: BOOM! YES! I AM WORLD FAMOUS, MUAHAHA!!!
jenny is stalked mercilessly :: it feels that way
jenny is queen of earth :: and the sooner everyone realizes this, the happier the world will be.
jenny is a bonehead :: ok, yes.
jenny is red hot :: I AM SHAKIRA
jenny is perplexed :: most of the time
jenny is pierced and tattooed :: yups
jenny is a real inspiration :: an inspiration to every antisocial hermit who aspires to write bad poetry
jenny is sooooooo cute :: awwww, no, i'm not.
jenny is a first :: why yes, i've been a few firsts, haha
jenny is a pro and she never lets the jeering of her male competitors get her down :: yeah, assholes. fuck you, you...jeerers.
jenny is a mystery character :: i am also a mystery of science.
jenny is neurologically ok :: maybe not
jenny is a lovely spot for a naturist holiday :: yes, i'm very natural, so check me out.
jenny is an exceptional gymnast :: I CAN DO A BRIDGE!!
jenny is a favorite of our visitors :: so says my parents. well they should.
jenny is a strong girl :: especially if i haven't showered
jenny is looked after by an elderly neighbour :: no, but possibly stared at by a strange neighbor.
jenny is poisoned by a poison cloud :: *dies*
jenny is one of the best bitches i own :: so says Frohike, my pet catfish
jenny is at the moment my favorite jenny :: i'd love to be someone's favorite jenny. it is my life goal.
jenny is a chatterbox who never seems to run out of amusing things to say :: *speechless*
jenny is a character who'll speak her mind and can take control of a situation :: *cracks whip*
jenny is a loner who thinks kids are barely half human :: and i also believe in one god...and he lives in this lake...and his name is Zorgo.
jenny is the prize he's stalked for years :: oooooooh, neat.
jenny is tied up and gagged in a very short tight skirt and tight top :: ok, no one needs to picture that. you'd go mad.
jenny is first seen tending to her sick flatmate :: yup, my sick davey
jenny is cooool :: HECK YEAH, BITCHES.

my celebrity look-alike

2006-03-17T16:50:00.000-05:00

i stole this post idea from Daniel...

so i went to MyHeritage to see which celebrity i look like, or rather what celebrity photo looks like the photo of myself i submitted. after submitting a few different photos, and seeing no resemblence between myself and the results it came up with (it came up with Shakira, for freaks sake) i finally got one that i though...ok...MAYBE...

so anyways, here is the photo of myself that i submitted:

and here were my results...

Neve Campbell.

what's funny, this wasn't even the top result for this photo. the top two were Mia Farrow (the chick from Rosemary's Baby) and Hugo Weaving (Agent Smith from The Matrix movies...yes, a dude).

the creepy crawlies

2006-03-16T07:46:00.000-05:00

davey's off school today, so i assumed i'd be sleeping in. so what time did i wake up this morning? 6:30. davey has this thing where he just CAN'T let me sleep past 7, school day or not.

so i get up, make him some breakfast, and trudge back upstairs prepared to curl back up in bed. i had noticed this thing on the ceiling while i was laying there earlier, but i thought i was a crack or a hook or something. my vision sucks and i was half asleep.

well, it had moved.

and it had a kajillion little legs.

and it was huge and fucking nasty.

there was a centipede chillin on my ceiling. forgive me, i realize that they're a common household insect in some places, but i've never seen one of these things in real life, so it freaked me the hell out. it took me a good five minutes of staring at the monstrosity on my ceiling (and i do believe it was staring back at me with the same WTF expression) before i even realized what it was.

i've seen millipedes before. they're gross and creepy but i can handle them, i don't freak out. but this mofo...i'm sure the neighbors could hear me screaming.

it's like i'm scared of the legs. the creepy crawly legs. if spiders, with only eight legs freak me out, then i am three times as scared of centipedes. or something like that, i didn't stop and count it's legs, i sprayed it with Raid (although it's for ants, it managed to knock it off the ceiling) and squished it with a huge wad of paper towels.

i just read that they bite, i did not know that. i will never sleep again.

and now i keep feeling imaginary little bug legs on my back and feet. EW.

BURRRRRRP

2006-03-10T18:56:00.000-05:00

if you people could hear me burp, you'd understand how funny this is...

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader...

Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer

You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps

Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."

The Simpsons Personality Test

poor noodle

2006-03-02T14:37:00.000-05:00

it's been weeks and the only post i could muster was a picture of puppies. i am a bad blogger.

so, ok, what's been going on...hm...

i've been (again) playing around with the idea of putting my webcam on the sidebar. it wouldn't be an all the time thing, since i'm on dialup and am not online 24/7, but i am online enough to where you'd probably see a lot of me.

i'd just be chillin and staring at the screen, but if you refresh the cam enough times, you might catch me sneeze. how exciting is that. but most of the time, you'll just be seeing this:

wow. it almost looks life-like.

so who knows, maybe in the next few days you'll see that. and hopefully more posts. i've been posting regularly on my poetry blog, so as one can see, i haven't died or anything.

STFU puppy

2006-02-15T12:22:00.000-05:00

sickeningly sweet holidays

2006-02-09T21:50:00.000-05:00

all my favorite shows seem to be valentine themed lately. oh, yeah, valentines day, great. *sigh* Wheel of Fortune has couples week. Biggest Loser: couples. The Office: valentines.

and then there's my brother telling me all about his valentines gift and whining about the fact that i'm not going up to my parents because he wants to give davey a valentines gift.

and then there's davey making the constant pink and red hearts out of construction paper and telling me all about his girlfriend. GIRLFRIEND!! he's friggin FIVE.

and WTF IS UP WITH ALL THE K-Y COMMERCIALS??????

i'm convinced valentines day is just a holiday to rub it in my face that i'm single. hey, here's a bunch of commercials of happy people that will never be you, jenny! because you'll always be single! no chocolate for you! NO FUCKING DARK CHOCOLATE TRUFFLES FOR YOU!

but...yeah, whatever...

fuck the hearts, fuck the flowers and the candies and the entire holiday. cupid can go fuck himself in the ear with his stupid arrow.

plus, i'll be missing RadCon for the second year. one of my best memories from living in WA was going to RadCon every year on valentines weekend. ok, maybe i don't care as much this year as i did last year, as i'm getting used to the lack of socializing and not so much missing it anymore.

but what i do miss about RadCon is the drunken dancing. and dressing up like a cat for no good reason. and running around a hotel for an entire weekend drunk, high and dressed like a cat.

there is just nothing like it.

i like vicodin

2006-02-09T20:01:00.000-05:00

took a trip to the emergency room today. it's the first time i've had to visit for myself. i've taken davey for different whatnot, but i tend to avoid doctors at all costs.

buuuuuut, i was chillin and watching TV today, doing my whatnot online and i got a sudden and severe pain in my jaw. my tooth stopped hurting the other day, so i was thinking i might be able to put off going to the dentist for a little bit. but the pain today was FAR WORSE than before, and i simply could not handle it. it rivaled labor pains. i mean, at least when i had labor pains, i wasn't as worried because i knew they were supposed to be happening, my face is not supposed to hurt, dammit. and i don't remember crying when i was in labor, but i was bawling so hard today i got the hiccups and snubs like babies do. i'm such a tard.

so after panicking and hyperventilating myself, and swearing that i was dying, i managed to eventually drag my butt out to the car and drive myself to the hospital (wearing only one contact, because FUCKING HELL, my pink eye came back).

so they prescribed me some penicillin and vicodin and sent me on my way. my mom came down to see me and hang out for a little while, which was nice, because the only thing worse than being in pain and feeling helpless is being alone when it happens.

i took the vicodin and started attempting gymnastics moves. i learned tonight that i can still do a bridge (well, not from a standing position, that would just be suicide).

i like that. aw, yeah. i'm more flexible than i thought.

why me

2006-02-07T19:06:00.000-05:00

once i get over one thing, something equally horrifying comes along. as i was leaving to meet the davey at his school bus this afternoon, BOOM, my tooth started throbbing. like the worst tooth pain i've ever had, and with my teeth, i've had plenty of pain. this pain covered the entire side of my face and ear.

so after four ibuprofen and two midol (i couldn't find the tylenol) it finally stopped hurting enough to where i could reach in and poke at the culprit, which is what is left of my wisdom tooth.

the most...unnatural smell came out of my mouth after i started messing with my tooth. like, that should not have been coming from anything human, and here is was in my mouth. YUUUUUUCK.

so i figure it's abscessed. i've never had this happen before and it fucking hurts. i'm mad and in pain and cranky and whiney.

whaaa.